my story

[Guest guest]

I got saline implants when I was 20 years old. I am now 24 and I have

to say getting implants was the biggest regret of my life. My only

regret for that matter. I was only 20 years old. I looked great... 120

lbs, very athletic dancer body, great shape. For some reason I didn't

see that and was not satisfied with my 34B bust. For me getting

implants was a total personal decision. I had thought about it my first

couple years of college and even took 'breast enhancement' pills. I

never talked about it with friends, family or even my boyfriend. I am a

pretty personal person and don't always like bringing up my personal

issues. I finally brought the issue to my boyrfriend and parents which

was very hard. They both did not think I needed them but also

understood it was a personal decision and were very supportive. I

decided to get the surgery one month before my Junior year old college.

I should have ran after my first consultation. I didn't like the

doctor, didn't like the receptionist... should have been a warning sign

from the beginning. But this was something I wanted to do for myself and

there was nothing that was going to get in my way.

My whole life has changed since I got my surgery. From the beginning

they felt too big. I was barely a B before hand and wanted to get the

smallest implants possible. I received 250 ccs in each implant and they

looked good... but they way I felt totally changed. My left implant

felt it was too far left, almost under my armpit, and really bothered me

all of the time. I found myself starting to wear sports bras all the

time. I think I immediately was regreting it but didn't want to admit

it to myself. I told my close friends before hand, and never denied the

surgery to anyone. My whole thing was, I wasn't going to announce it to

the world, but if anyone asked me I would never deny it. To this day,

only ONE person had the guts to ask me. Immediately everyone was

talking about it but behind my back and everywhere I went I felt 10x

more insecure than I ever had. Everytime I went out or somewhere I knew

people, I felt like the first thing they would do is look/talk about my

chest. And the truth of the matter is, that people really weren't.

Even after a year some of best friends had no idea. I just became so

self conscience and always thought people were talking about me. I

started feeling like all I could think about was my boobs.

I started getting very depressed and started smoking alot of pot to

forget about it. It was the only way I could actually not think about

the surgery for awhile. I started losing more and more respect and self

esteem about my body, gaining more weight and not working out. My left

breast hurt all of the time and I could barely find a bra to fit. I

barely fit into a 's Secret 34D... not at ALL how big I wanted

to be. I did not feel like myself at all. I never looked at myself in

the mirror. When I would go shopping I would turn around while

undressing so I wouldn't see myself. I felt like I was in someone elses

body and not myself at all. I started losing more and more interest in

school and my path in life. I was so depressed I started missing out on

things and didn't even care to hang out with friends. I eventually

dropped out of college.

It finally came to a point where I realized I had to get these things

out. I was wasting so much of my time consuming my mind with my boobs!

I kept feeling sorry for myself and making excuses about my bad

decisions. I realized I was straight up depressed, and I needed to do

something about it. So last February I got the implants out. I

immediately felt better. The whole time I had them I just felt like..

something foreign was inside me that was not supposed to be there! Did

it solve all my problems? No. I'm still depressed to this day and

trying to deal with the fact that I went through this whole thing. But

I've also realized sitting here feeling sorry for myself isn't going to

change anything either. I need to take control of my life and get it

back. I've been working hard at trying to get my old body back. I

gained about 20 pounds during this whole thing, and I need to lose it.

Smoking so much pot made me even more depressed and live a more sedetary

lifestyle. I have recently quit and want to share my story with young

people in hopes that story may alter their decision to get implants. I

also know that at the time there was nothing anyone could say to change

my mind... it was something I wanted to do only for myself and it was a

personal decision. However I think people should know that each body is

different and you won't necessarily look like celebs or people on TV

after surgery, you have no way of knowing. Each body is beautiful and

it is sad that a lot of us women do not see that beauty in ourselves.

There is still not a day that goes by that I do not think about

everything that has happened and regret it... and I'm sick of doing

that. I don't want to think about it anymore, I want to move on and

love my body. Anyways if you are reading this I thank you, because

barely anyone has heard my story. It ate me alive for 2 whole years, I

didn't talk about it with anyone and no one ever understood how I felt.

Thanks again - 'Alina'