Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I > guess it is time to leave. > > , what have we done? I really hope you can work through this - talk off list to me if you like - i would hate to think we weren't helping you. You certainly haven't come across as 'rude' in any shape or form. Caroline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 wrote: > > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. > > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings > me to tears I > > guess it is time to leave. > > >>>>>>>>>>> You are not rude, or at least you do not come across as rude. I thought you got a lot from the list but maybe I am wrong - I would hate to see you go over some comment. Trisha SAHM to 3 boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 , What's the subtext here? what's happened? Please don't go! Anneliese (mail me off-list if you like, just don't go like this, we'll miss you!) Message: 21 Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 17:10:00 +0100 Subject: GOODBYE I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I guess it is time to leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 , What's the subtext here? what's happened? Please don't go! Anneliese (mail me off-list if you like, just don't go like this, we'll miss you!) Message: 21 Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 17:10:00 +0100 Subject: GOODBYE I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I guess it is time to leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Why? I haven't seen anything rude or upsetting for anyone from you! I would be very sad to see you go, and there are some funny postings worth seeing, aren't there? Kirsten GOODBYE > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I > guess it is time to leave. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Why? I haven't seen anything rude or upsetting for anyone from you! I would be very sad to see you go, and there are some funny postings worth seeing, aren't there? Kirsten GOODBYE > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I > guess it is time to leave. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Without betraying her confidence, the " rude " reference was made off list to , and she was so upset she has already unsubscribed ( Ruthie > Why? > > I haven't seen anything rude or upsetting for anyone from you! > > I would be very sad to see you go, and there are some funny postings > worth seeing, aren't there? > > Kirsten > > > GOODBYE > > > > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all > farewell. > > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to > tears I > > guess it is time to leave. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Without betraying her confidence, the " rude " reference was made off list to , and she was so upset she has already unsubscribed ( Ruthie > Why? > > I haven't seen anything rude or upsetting for anyone from you! > > I would be very sad to see you go, and there are some funny postings > worth seeing, aren't there? > > Kirsten > > > GOODBYE > > > > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all > farewell. > > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to > tears I > > guess it is time to leave. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Looking in the archives I wonder if this something to do with 's post to a newbie a while back, when she was a bit curt in telling her to change the subject line? I don't think we've seen much of the newbie since, either. :-(( Oh well, put it down to experience, I guess................. Lesley --------------- From: " Kirsten Subject: Re: GOODBYE > Why? > > I haven't seen anything rude or upsetting for anyone from you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Looking in the archives I wonder if this something to do with 's post to a newbie a while back, when she was a bit curt in telling her to change the subject line? I don't think we've seen much of the newbie since, either. :-(( Oh well, put it down to experience, I guess................. Lesley --------------- From: " Kirsten Subject: Re: GOODBYE > Why? > > I haven't seen anything rude or upsetting for anyone from you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 In a message dated 23/08/2001 17:23:27 GMT Daylight Time, bj@... writes: > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I > guess it is time to leave. > > > Whats wrong? Why do you let everything get to you? Maybe you should try and take things with a pinch of salt, I doubt anyone meant to offend you, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 Without meaning to offend, seems lately to be so fragile that it is hard for people not to offend her in some way. I gather she has some close friends on the list, do you think maybe counselling may be of help, at least to boost her self esteem, if nothing else. It doesnt seem like this list has helped her in the last month or so, in fact she has become more withdrawn in her postings than ever before! Hope she is ok, Mum to Rohan (6 mths) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 > In a message dated 23/08/2001 17:23:27 GMT Daylight Time, > bj@g... writes: > > > > I'm obviously far too " rude " for this list so I bid you all farewell. > > I have been doing so well in myself but when this list brings me to tears I > > guess it is time to leave. > > > > > > > > Whats wrong? Why do you let everything get to you? Maybe you should try and > take things with a pinch of salt, I doubt anyone meant to offend you, > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 suffered from bad PND and also had many problems before (e Dad dying suddenly whilst she was pregnant) so yes she is fragile - which is why we all worry about her. I know she is still on the PND list so at least she is contact with some of the list members here. Caroline > Without meaning to offend, seems lately to be so fragile that it is > hard for people not to offend her in some way. I gather she has some close > friends on the list, do you think maybe counselling may be of help, at least > to boost her self esteem, if nothing else. It doesnt seem like this list has > helped her in the last month or so, in fact she has become more withdrawn in > her postings than ever before! > > Hope she is ok, > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 Yes as Caroline said she suffered from very bad pnd and has only within the last 6 months begun to think that she would make it out of the pnd so she probably does feel very fragile and things that might be meant in a sarky or perhaps put badly can for her seem like something very different.. I have met her several times and she a is lovely humorous lady but very emotional still about things she feels goes wrongly.. So this is why I am really worried about her.. I emailed her asking if she felt this was a permanent thing or if she might come back but she has not replied yet so we will see.. I told her to keep in contact though and I am pretty sure she will.. Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 > suffered from bad PND and also had many problems before (e Dad dying > suddenly whilst she was pregnant) so yes she is fragile - which is why we > all worry about her. > I know she is still on the PND list so at least she is contact with some of > the list members here. > Caroline I second that, Caroline. Not all of us have thick skins and it's sometimes difficult to distance oneself from certain remarks and not get a bit upset. is in touch with me privately and I am finding I like her more and more. Ruthie > > Without meaning to offend, seems lately to be so fragile that it is > > hard for people not to offend her in some way. I gather she has some close > > friends on the list, do you think maybe counselling may be of help, at least > > to boost her self esteem, if nothing else. It doesnt seem like this list has > > helped her in the last month or so, in fact she has become more withdrawn in > > her postings than ever before! > > > > Hope she is ok, > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 Perhaps the person directed her remarks to onlist was also unable to distance herself from the remarks made to her? As for the term 'thick skinned' - I always find comments of that kind somewhat self indulgent. IME those who consider themselves 'thin skinned, 'sensitive' or whathaveyou always seem to be the least sensitive to other peoples feeling as they are so wrapped up in themselves. Just IME, as I say. Lesley ------------------- From: > I second that, Caroline. Not all of us have thick skins and it's > sometimes difficult to distance oneself from certain remarks and not > get a bit upset. is in touch with me privately and I am finding > I like her more and more. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 In article <006401c12c9c$da472320$c67e89d4@user>, Lesley Reader lesley.reader@...> writes >Perhaps the person directed her remarks to onlist was also unable to >distance herself from the remarks made to her? > >As for the term 'thick skinned' - I always find comments of that kind >somewhat self indulgent. IME those who consider themselves 'thin skinned, >'sensitive' or whathaveyou always seem to be the least sensitive to other >peoples feeling as they are so wrapped up in themselves. Just IME, as I >say. Hmm. I've been wondering whether to post this, but it sort-of follows on from what Lesley has said, so I think I will. I think what people sometimes forget about mailing lists is that people come and go and not everyone knows your history on the list, or for that matter, cares. This list is usually a very caring, supportive place to be, but you can't depend on it always being so. In fact, there seem to have been a number of misunderstandings and upsets recently for some reason - is it the hot weather and the long holidays getting to us all?! If you post something critical or negative, you have to expect that you may well get critical or negative replies back, and be prepared to deal with them. The problem of the read/write medium with no body language to back it up is also always there, and has to be allowed for. I have to say that when I am feeling fragile, I just don't post anything - if I know I'm in a state where I'm not going to be able to deal with any possibly negative responses, I just keep quiet. In fact, I probably don't send at least half of the replies I actually type. I also always try to read everything through again and see if there is anything in it that might offend anyone - probably don't always succeed (in not offending anyone, I mean), but I do try. This possibly also means that people may think they don't know me particularly well - because I post few personal details about my life - again this is deliberate. I know that if I keep things relatively impersonal, I'm less likely to be upset by things. BTDT! Lastly, if anyone thinks things have been hairy here recently, don't ever go near Usenet - much nastier place, where you can be shot down in flames for what seems like a perfectly innocuous comment! Cath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 Actually, , I have to disagree here. I would much rather be reprimanded for forgetting to change a subject heading or delete a digest here on list. I find it quite hard to put in to words why I feel that the quiet word off list is more upsetting, but it's kind of like those people who if you upset them say " I understand why you feel like this but do you see that I find your actions hurtful? " rather than just shouting at you. This may seem barking to you, but it's my opinion - I find the quiet offlist word really rather offensive and patronising, but don't object to having my knuckles rapped in a short sharp way in public. It's kind of the " this hurts me more than it hurts you " tone that really rankles! Anneliese and Toddler Tim ________________________________________________________________________ Message: 14 Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 12:15:02 +0100 Subject: Re: Moderators was GOODBYE Um, I think I ought to point out that is still listed as a member on the website so does not appear to have unsubbed and might feel uncomfortable with us talking about her. I would be very surprised if any of the moderators has said anything offensive or hurtful, especially if it was over the scenario Lesley suggested. Obviously, the moderator can't comment as it was a private correspondence between her and . The moderators do try to act in the interests of everyone and it is a lot nicer to have someone email you privately to say " please change the subject heading " or " please don't include the whole digest in your reply " than to have someone say this onlist. The alternative is to have an unmoderated list which personally I don't think I would be comfortable with. Some lists have a regular reminder of the " rules " of posting messages, perhaps we could have that here and then no-one need feel they have to point out the error of someone's ways onlist and newbies would know what they were up to? It might also reduce the moderators voluntary) work? Lesley ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts, Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over thirty, Over here in Worthing.. " Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind! " Star Trek. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 Actually, , I have to disagree here. I would much rather be reprimanded for forgetting to change a subject heading or delete a digest here on list. I find it quite hard to put in to words why I feel that the quiet word off list is more upsetting, but it's kind of like those people who if you upset them say " I understand why you feel like this but do you see that I find your actions hurtful? " rather than just shouting at you. This may seem barking to you, but it's my opinion - I find the quiet offlist word really rather offensive and patronising, but don't object to having my knuckles rapped in a short sharp way in public. It's kind of the " this hurts me more than it hurts you " tone that really rankles! Anneliese and Toddler Tim ________________________________________________________________________ Message: 14 Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 12:15:02 +0100 Subject: Re: Moderators was GOODBYE Um, I think I ought to point out that is still listed as a member on the website so does not appear to have unsubbed and might feel uncomfortable with us talking about her. I would be very surprised if any of the moderators has said anything offensive or hurtful, especially if it was over the scenario Lesley suggested. Obviously, the moderator can't comment as it was a private correspondence between her and . The moderators do try to act in the interests of everyone and it is a lot nicer to have someone email you privately to say " please change the subject heading " or " please don't include the whole digest in your reply " than to have someone say this onlist. The alternative is to have an unmoderated list which personally I don't think I would be comfortable with. Some lists have a regular reminder of the " rules " of posting messages, perhaps we could have that here and then no-one need feel they have to point out the error of someone's ways onlist and newbies would know what they were up to? It might also reduce the moderators voluntary) work? Lesley ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts, Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over thirty, Over here in Worthing.. " Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind! " Star Trek. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 24, 2001 Report Share Posted August 24, 2001 Actually, , I have to disagree here. I would much rather be reprimanded for forgetting to change a subject heading or delete a digest here on list. I find it quite hard to put in to words why I feel that the quiet word off list is more upsetting, but it's kind of like those people who if you upset them say " I understand why you feel like this but do you see that I find your actions hurtful? " rather than just shouting at you. This may seem barking to you, but it's my opinion - I find the quiet offlist word really rather offensive and patronising, but don't object to having my knuckles rapped in a short sharp way in public. It's kind of the " this hurts me more than it hurts you " tone that really rankles! Anneliese and Toddler Tim ________________________________________________________________________ Message: 14 Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 12:15:02 +0100 Subject: Re: Moderators was GOODBYE Um, I think I ought to point out that is still listed as a member on the website so does not appear to have unsubbed and might feel uncomfortable with us talking about her. I would be very surprised if any of the moderators has said anything offensive or hurtful, especially if it was over the scenario Lesley suggested. Obviously, the moderator can't comment as it was a private correspondence between her and . The moderators do try to act in the interests of everyone and it is a lot nicer to have someone email you privately to say " please change the subject heading " or " please don't include the whole digest in your reply " than to have someone say this onlist. The alternative is to have an unmoderated list which personally I don't think I would be comfortable with. Some lists have a regular reminder of the " rules " of posting messages, perhaps we could have that here and then no-one need feel they have to point out the error of someone's ways onlist and newbies would know what they were up to? It might also reduce the moderators voluntary) work? Lesley ANT, tr BFC, Mother, Wife, Friend, Mender of Broken Hearts, Keeper of Secrets, Chauffeur, Cook, Maid, Writer. Overweight, Over thirty, Over here in Worthing.. " Believing Oneself to be perfect is often the sign of a delusional mind! " Star Trek. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2001 Report Share Posted August 25, 2001 << >>> I have to agree with Anneliese here (I was not going to say anything because I thought it was just me being alone on this one).. but I very much felt like I was being told off when I had a " quiet " word on top of that it was about changing the subject wich is something I find really difficult to do (I am sure it has to do with my dyslexia) as I simply can't always see that the subject has changed enough to need the header changed.. (this was back when I had not been posting on the list long).. and I would much rather have had someone on the list say please could you remember to try and change the subject line ;o) and then move on to deal with what ever the post was about.. I do understand that everyone is different here but I very much felt told off and I didn't like that one bit... Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. ----- Original Message ----- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2001 Report Share Posted August 25, 2001 << >>> I have to agree with Anneliese here (I was not going to say anything because I thought it was just me being alone on this one).. but I very much felt like I was being told off when I had a " quiet " word on top of that it was about changing the subject wich is something I find really difficult to do (I am sure it has to do with my dyslexia) as I simply can't always see that the subject has changed enough to need the header changed.. (this was back when I had not been posting on the list long).. and I would much rather have had someone on the list say please could you remember to try and change the subject line ;o) and then move on to deal with what ever the post was about.. I do understand that everyone is different here but I very much felt told off and I didn't like that one bit... Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama & expecting a Christmas delivery... My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. ----- Original Message ----- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 25, 2001 Report Share Posted August 25, 2001 > Perhaps the person directed her remarks to onlist was also unable to > distance herself from the remarks made to her? > > As for the term 'thick skinned' - I always find comments of that kind > somewhat self indulgent. IME those who consider themselves 'thin skinned, > 'sensitive' or whathaveyou always seem to be the least sensitive to other > peoples feeling as they are so wrapped up in themselves. Just IME, as I > say. > > Lesley > ------------------- Can I agree to disagree with this? If there is *any* upside to being sensitive/thinskinned, IME it is that you are usually more aware of others' feelings. It could be that self indulgence is another downside. I know personally, as an only child, yes I am sensitive, and I brood over (maybe innocently made) remarks by others, but by the same token I don't THINK I trample over other people's feelings like an elephant. Who knows? Everyone has their own perspective. I know a lot of people think only children are PITA's all their lives. Ruthie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 We had to quit SCD because my son's energy was so low. So, goodbye! Thanks to all for your help during the period we were doing a casein-free version of SCD! Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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