Guest guest Posted April 6, 2000 Report Share Posted April 6, 2000 Dear Guys: Oh the impact this weight has on my life. Some in these parts called me the yard sale queen. For at least 20 years I have gotten up most Saturdays at about 7 and headed out the door to find wonderful bargains for myself, friends, neighbors and relatives. I keep a list in my purse and I refresh myself each Saturday as to what I need to be looking for...what kind of tools, etc. folks want me to search for. Baby things were high on my list for today...a playpen and a battery operated swing. Today I was sure I would find those two things for sure. I find that on this Saturday morning everything just hurts too much to climb in and out of my car to shop for these wonderful bargains. So instead I am home. I long for the day when I will not dread having to get in to and out of a car because I have to yank and pull myself to a standing position. I long for the day when everything I do will not be predicated upon whether or not I have to move...because moving hurts. Today, I will have to fight the feelings that come across me in waves...the how did I let myself get to this point feelings...intellectually I didn't " let " it happen but because the world has said I did for so long I find myself wallowing in the belief that I did " let " it happen. I'm an upkind gal...but for today I will have to fight those feelings which call me a bad girl, which tell me I let this happen, which tell me I'm not as good as because I'm in this predicament. Which say to me....why can't I just diet and exercise like " normal " people. In my head I feel normal. But the mirror tells me I'm not and the messages programmed into my head since childhood tell me I'm not ok because there's more of me than lots of folks. Sigh. I hope that when this is all over...when the surgery is done and the weight comes off...that I will look back and remain grateful that this tool was available to me and that I found it before every last bit of my health was gone. DESPITE the aches and pains...I'm going to have a great upbeat day. Because I am not a bad girl. I am a good girl....even though, heaven help me, I am a BEEG girl. Flo in land where it's supposed to be 90 today I Florence Ballengee Hollywood, land florence@... Download NeoPlanet at http://www.neoplanet.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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