Can anyone help me?

[Guest guest]

>

> I think the best candidates for partners are people who are self-

> assured enough that they don't need to brag about themselves or set

> up a false image of themselves. Bragging and setting up false

images

> are smokescreens that hide vulnerabilities and shortcomings.

>

Please excuse me in Reading Kim's post I believe this statement

applies. We are taught from the first time we go to school that

people lie, overinflate and seek to decieve. In kindergarten being

sneaky is often rewarded. I have heard parents agree that a child's

act was horrid (but at the same time ingenious) as we age it is up to

us to decide a life of illusion or truth. I feel Aspies like truth,

because in truth there is solution. in lies there is only confusion,

even the term white lies is unessary, being silent out of respect or

regard should be ok but if asked truth should be given.

I always got an answer from my mother that was honest (yes she was

abusive and violent) But she valued and rewarded intelligence and she

would entertain rational discussion. She also crushed any self

esteem I had, but that is not the focus.

I think that is what held me together, reasoning and truth and

searching for that in reality. which also depressed me when it was

hard to locate. Relationships are often founded on a platform of

misconception, as Tom stated Beauty or personna

To the Autistc there are torture. Either we are disallusioned and

hurt by the lies, or we feel we must be apt liars. Our learning

structure is not set up for Aspies to be successful. We spend so

much time wading through muck to find truth or lying to make another

happy. It is foolish and costly, and really everyone pays.

children, families, society. Tom I do wish aspies ran things from

the top down. real solutions, no delusions, no lying to make people

feel good. Doing your best without cheating. punishment for

cheating (of any kind) and reward for good, hard earnest work. So

simple yet so crazy.

A footnote, I called my state rep to help the child I mentioned. I

feel perhaps we may get results (i really hope I haven't been lied

to) mimi

[Guest guest]

Kim wrote: " ... <snip> ... I was introduced to my husband and I think

most people would perceive him as the above mentioned type. He has

tattoos, had a pony tail, was working as a bouncer at a bar but I met

him at his apartment when a friend of mine went to give him a haircut

(we were both in beauty school at the time). I was taken in by his

intellectual conversation, smooth jazz music playing in the background

and mauve colored walls with fabulous paintings. "

Well then, Kim, he doesn't fit the profile of the shallow a rock 'em,

sock 'em cowboy guy now, does he? And that's why you and he hooked up

instead of him having a bevy of shallow women following in his wake.

:-D

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Kim wrote: " ... <snip> ... I was introduced to my husband and I think

most people would perceive him as the above mentioned type. He has

tattoos, had a pony tail, was working as a bouncer at a bar but I met

him at his apartment when a friend of mine went to give him a haircut

(we were both in beauty school at the time). I was taken in by his

intellectual conversation, smooth jazz music playing in the background

and mauve colored walls with fabulous paintings. "

Well then, Kim, he doesn't fit the profile of the shallow a rock 'em,

sock 'em cowboy guy now, does he? And that's why you and he hooked up

instead of him having a bevy of shallow women following in his wake.

:-D

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

" responded: " Mmmmmmmmm okay - so where are they hiding :-) "

" Maybe in a library, hiking on a trail, or wait for fate to put you in

the right spot at the right time? "

I'd take Kim's advice on this one and take it one step further. Do

whatever it is you like to do and do not worry about finding someone.

If you are doing something interesting, and someone else shares that

interests, well, that is one thing you have in common, and subsequent

meetups can develop into friendships and something more.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> One of the good thing about women is that with their gentleness and

> caring, they remind us that people ought to be treated uniquely,

> because we are all unique.

>

> Sometimes though, women can be quite the opposite.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

I wish I had met some of those " gentle and caring " women. Unfortunately,

I've been married twice to women who, if our genders had been reversed,

would currently be in jail for spousal abuse.

It's because of those women that I created the Battered Husbands Support

Group at .

--

“If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of

fighting a foreign enemy” -- Madison

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> One of the good thing about women is that with their gentleness and

> caring, they remind us that people ought to be treated uniquely,

> because we are all unique.

>

> Sometimes though, women can be quite the opposite.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

I wish I had met some of those " gentle and caring " women. Unfortunately,

I've been married twice to women who, if our genders had been reversed,

would currently be in jail for spousal abuse.

It's because of those women that I created the Battered Husbands Support

Group at .

--

“If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of

fighting a foreign enemy” -- Madison

[Guest guest]

" It's because of those women that I created the Battered Husbands

Support Group at . "

I know the type of women you mean. I was married to one that approached

the type of woman you are talking about. (Although she was not quite

there.)

Overcoming the problem of finding women who turn out to be abusive

requires a bit of counseling. Counseling will help you to be able to

identify such women before they become abusive. It will also help you

to identify why it is that you:

A) Are fooled by women that can erect these smokescreens, and

Are attracted to the type of women who initially appear innocent and

ultimately wind up abusing you after you have fallen for them.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" It's because of those women that I created the Battered Husbands

Support Group at . "

I know the type of women you mean. I was married to one that approached

the type of woman you are talking about. (Although she was not quite

there.)

Overcoming the problem of finding women who turn out to be abusive

requires a bit of counseling. Counseling will help you to be able to

identify such women before they become abusive. It will also help you

to identify why it is that you:

A) Are fooled by women that can erect these smokescreens, and

Are attracted to the type of women who initially appear innocent and

ultimately wind up abusing you after you have fallen for them.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

Hartwell wrote: " I wish I had met some of those " gentle and

caring " women. Unfortunately, I've been married twice to women who,

if our genders had been reversed, would currently be in jail for

spousal abuse ... <snip> ... "

I am sorry that you had to suffer through two inappropriate choices,

, but there is a huge amount of responsibility that rests with

you as you CHOSE them as much as they chose you. I am not saying

that you deserved to be abused because that most assuredly is not

true. No one deserves to be abused.

I think that what happens in 'bad' relationships is that those

involved do not have a full understanding of love and what is

involved in being in relationship. They believe they know and they

even convince themselves they know but they do not.

Now you may think I am talking through my hat (idiom) just because I

have a good relationship with my boyfriend. I am not. I have

survived a violent marriage that ended 10 years ago with a man who

changed dramatically after the birth of our AS son. Our son, being a

twin, survived whereas his brother did not.

In that moment of extreme emotional grief, my ex CHOSE to return to

hard core drugs and he CHOSE to abandon his family. He CHOSE to

refuse to understand and participate in the ways of love. And he

CHOSE to remove himself from the relationship. There's a lot I'm

leaving out of this story for brevity's sake but I will tell you it

involves a return to addiction on his part, illegal firearms, hard

core drugs, cheating, abuse and more.

I truly believe that if you want to find " gentle and caring "

partners, you start first with finding " gentle and caring " friends

and treat them as friends, not as potential mates. If something

comes of it, great. If nothing comes of it, great because you will

have, at the very last, one good friend and having a good friend you

can rely upon to be truthful with you is more valuable than gold.

The other part of finding a " gentle and caring " partner is to be sure

that both of you continue to work at the relationship. A

relationship won't work if one of the partners is not as dedicated

and devoted to the relationship as the other is.

There's someone out there for you, Hartwell. All you have to

do is be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Then you will

stand a much better chance of being able to see her and for her to

see you.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Hartwell wrote: " I wish I had met some of those " gentle and

caring " women. Unfortunately, I've been married twice to women who,

if our genders had been reversed, would currently be in jail for

spousal abuse ... <snip> ... "

I am sorry that you had to suffer through two inappropriate choices,

, but there is a huge amount of responsibility that rests with

you as you CHOSE them as much as they chose you. I am not saying

that you deserved to be abused because that most assuredly is not

true. No one deserves to be abused.

I think that what happens in 'bad' relationships is that those

involved do not have a full understanding of love and what is

involved in being in relationship. They believe they know and they

even convince themselves they know but they do not.

Now you may think I am talking through my hat (idiom) just because I

have a good relationship with my boyfriend. I am not. I have

survived a violent marriage that ended 10 years ago with a man who

changed dramatically after the birth of our AS son. Our son, being a

twin, survived whereas his brother did not.

In that moment of extreme emotional grief, my ex CHOSE to return to

hard core drugs and he CHOSE to abandon his family. He CHOSE to

refuse to understand and participate in the ways of love. And he

CHOSE to remove himself from the relationship. There's a lot I'm

leaving out of this story for brevity's sake but I will tell you it

involves a return to addiction on his part, illegal firearms, hard

core drugs, cheating, abuse and more.

I truly believe that if you want to find " gentle and caring "

partners, you start first with finding " gentle and caring " friends

and treat them as friends, not as potential mates. If something

comes of it, great. If nothing comes of it, great because you will

have, at the very last, one good friend and having a good friend you

can rely upon to be truthful with you is more valuable than gold.

The other part of finding a " gentle and caring " partner is to be sure

that both of you continue to work at the relationship. A

relationship won't work if one of the partners is not as dedicated

and devoted to the relationship as the other is.

There's someone out there for you, Hartwell. All you have to

do is be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Then you will

stand a much better chance of being able to see her and for her to

see you.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> A) Are fooled by women that can erect these smokescreens, and

> Are attracted to the type of women who initially appear innocent and

> ultimately wind up abusing you after you have fallen for them.

Both A and B have the same answer:

In modern American society, female abuse of males is considered the

norm. Movies are made in which the heroine abuses and tortures her male

companion, and is justified in doing so because he has the gall to

insist on being treated like a human being. Judges declare, on the

record, that they will not enforce abuse laws against female abusers,

even when they are caught on film committing their assaults against both

husband and children. When women assault and murder their male partners,

they are said to have been " provoked " and therefore not liable for their

criminal behavior.

Men, meanwhile, are taught that real men don't hit women, no matter what

the provocation. Men are imprisoned for defending themselves with their

bare hands when their female partners assault them with deadly weapons -

even when the female gloats about having been the aggressor. Any men in

her life are held to be somehow " responsible " when a woman commits a

violent crime, even if the violent crime is something as extreme as

murdering her husband or children.

In short, we live in a society in which men are held to blame for not

only their own behavior, but also the behavior of women, even when the

women themselves declare that they did it out of spite, hate, or simply

" to show him who's boss. " Because of this, any man going into a

relationship has to assume he is traveling in enemy territory, and take

extra precautions to ensure that any woman he associates with - even as

" just friends " - is someone he can trust with his life.

--

" Any unarmed people are slaves, or are subject to slavery at any given

moment. " -- Huey Newton

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

> A) Are fooled by women that can erect these smokescreens, and

> Are attracted to the type of women who initially appear innocent and

> ultimately wind up abusing you after you have fallen for them.

Both A and B have the same answer:

In modern American society, female abuse of males is considered the

norm. Movies are made in which the heroine abuses and tortures her male

companion, and is justified in doing so because he has the gall to

insist on being treated like a human being. Judges declare, on the

record, that they will not enforce abuse laws against female abusers,

even when they are caught on film committing their assaults against both

husband and children. When women assault and murder their male partners,

they are said to have been " provoked " and therefore not liable for their

criminal behavior.

Men, meanwhile, are taught that real men don't hit women, no matter what

the provocation. Men are imprisoned for defending themselves with their

bare hands when their female partners assault them with deadly weapons -

even when the female gloats about having been the aggressor. Any men in

her life are held to be somehow " responsible " when a woman commits a

violent crime, even if the violent crime is something as extreme as

murdering her husband or children.

In short, we live in a society in which men are held to blame for not

only their own behavior, but also the behavior of women, even when the

women themselves declare that they did it out of spite, hate, or simply

" to show him who's boss. " Because of this, any man going into a

relationship has to assume he is traveling in enemy territory, and take

extra precautions to ensure that any woman he associates with - even as

" just friends " - is someone he can trust with his life.

--

" Any unarmed people are slaves, or are subject to slavery at any given

moment. " -- Huey Newton

[Guest guest]

" Judges declare, on the record, that they will not enforce abuse laws

against female abusers, even when they are caught on film committing

their assaults against both husband and children. "

I do not believe this will be the case much longer.

With the recent explosion of female teachers committing sexual abuise

on minors and getting a slap on the wrist for their offenses while

their male counterparts get the maximum sentence, I think society

will begin to get fed up with women getting off the hook so easily

and will demand that women be prosecuted as a man is.

Already, we are seeing this to be the case. The following article

talks about a woman getting the MINIMUM sentence for the rape of a

child (10 years. The maxiumum was 25 years), but at the same time

receiving a longer sentence (according to her defense attorney) than

those charged with similar crimes.

Tom

Administrator

http://www.local10.com/news/11281293/detail.html

Teacher Gets 10 Years For Raping Child

Woman Was Sixth-Grade Science Teacher

WILMINGTON, Del. -- A sixth-grade science teacher who seduced a 13-

year-old male student has been sentenced to 10 years in prison -- a

sentence that her attorney argued was much longer than what teachers

convicted in similar cases have received.

L. Holt, 35, holds a master's degree in education and had no

previous criminal record. Wearing a red prison jumpsuit, she sobbed

in court as her sentence was announced on Friday.

Holt was initially charged with 28 counts of first-degree rape.

Police accused her of having illegal sexual intercourse with the boy

at least that many times during an intense weeklong affair. She was

also accused of plying the boy with alcohol and allowing him to drive

her car.

Holt pleaded guilty to second-degree rape, and the 10-year sentence

was the mandatory minimum. Deputy Attorney General Jim Kriner asked

Superior Court Judge Calvin L. to give Holt the maximum

sentence of 25 years. made no comment when he read the

sentence.

Holt's attorney, S. Malik, said both female and male teachers

have received far less prison time for similar crimes. He reviewed 40

such cases around the country and found that the average sentence was

18 months to two years.

Among those cases: Dion Savage, a Dover music teacher who admitted a

sexual encounter with a male student and was caught with lewd photos

of other students, received a two-year sentence.

Kriner said Holt showed no remorse in interviews with pre-sentence

officials. " She blames everyone but herself, " Kriner said, including

her victim and his parents.

" This was a premeditated and calculated affair, " Kriner added. " She

cared only about herself and her sexual needs. "

Malik disagreed with Kriner about Holt's remorse, saying his client

is truly sorry. He noted that no other victims have come forward.

According to attorneys, a second young male walked in on Holt and the

victim having sex but was not a participant.

In her brief comments to the court, Holt apologized " to everyone who

suffered " as a result of her actions, including the victim and his

family.

" I hope you can forgive me, " she said. " I know what I did was wrong. "

Malik said a " perfect storm " of factors -- including a fit of

depression and an Internet date that did not go well -- led to his

client's " poor choices. " He noted that she suffered from depression

after years of domestic abuse by her former husband.

The victim's uncle, who spoke on behalf of the family, asked for the

maximum sentence, saying Holt had tarnished the reputation of

teachers and violated his nephew's trust.

" He had his innocence taken away through betrayal, " he said, adding

that Holt should be treated the same as if she were a male teacher

who took advantage of a female student. " Rape is rape, " he said.

While prosecutors did not get the sentence they were seeking, Kriner

noted that 10 years is " a long time. " He said he hopes Holt uses her

experience as a teacher to help other inmates while she's

incarcerated.

The victim is back in school and in therapy, Kriner said.

" He's doing as well as can be expected, " he said.

[Guest guest]

" Judges declare, on the record, that they will not enforce abuse laws

against female abusers, even when they are caught on film committing

their assaults against both husband and children. "

I do not believe this will be the case much longer.

With the recent explosion of female teachers committing sexual abuise

on minors and getting a slap on the wrist for their offenses while

their male counterparts get the maximum sentence, I think society

will begin to get fed up with women getting off the hook so easily

and will demand that women be prosecuted as a man is.

Already, we are seeing this to be the case. The following article

talks about a woman getting the MINIMUM sentence for the rape of a

child (10 years. The maxiumum was 25 years), but at the same time

receiving a longer sentence (according to her defense attorney) than

those charged with similar crimes.

Tom

Administrator

http://www.local10.com/news/11281293/detail.html

Teacher Gets 10 Years For Raping Child

Woman Was Sixth-Grade Science Teacher

WILMINGTON, Del. -- A sixth-grade science teacher who seduced a 13-

year-old male student has been sentenced to 10 years in prison -- a

sentence that her attorney argued was much longer than what teachers

convicted in similar cases have received.

L. Holt, 35, holds a master's degree in education and had no

previous criminal record. Wearing a red prison jumpsuit, she sobbed

in court as her sentence was announced on Friday.

Holt was initially charged with 28 counts of first-degree rape.

Police accused her of having illegal sexual intercourse with the boy

at least that many times during an intense weeklong affair. She was

also accused of plying the boy with alcohol and allowing him to drive

her car.

Holt pleaded guilty to second-degree rape, and the 10-year sentence

was the mandatory minimum. Deputy Attorney General Jim Kriner asked

Superior Court Judge Calvin L. to give Holt the maximum

sentence of 25 years. made no comment when he read the

sentence.

Holt's attorney, S. Malik, said both female and male teachers

have received far less prison time for similar crimes. He reviewed 40

such cases around the country and found that the average sentence was

18 months to two years.

Among those cases: Dion Savage, a Dover music teacher who admitted a

sexual encounter with a male student and was caught with lewd photos

of other students, received a two-year sentence.

Kriner said Holt showed no remorse in interviews with pre-sentence

officials. " She blames everyone but herself, " Kriner said, including

her victim and his parents.

" This was a premeditated and calculated affair, " Kriner added. " She

cared only about herself and her sexual needs. "

Malik disagreed with Kriner about Holt's remorse, saying his client

is truly sorry. He noted that no other victims have come forward.

According to attorneys, a second young male walked in on Holt and the

victim having sex but was not a participant.

In her brief comments to the court, Holt apologized " to everyone who

suffered " as a result of her actions, including the victim and his

family.

" I hope you can forgive me, " she said. " I know what I did was wrong. "

Malik said a " perfect storm " of factors -- including a fit of

depression and an Internet date that did not go well -- led to his

client's " poor choices. " He noted that she suffered from depression

after years of domestic abuse by her former husband.

The victim's uncle, who spoke on behalf of the family, asked for the

maximum sentence, saying Holt had tarnished the reputation of

teachers and violated his nephew's trust.

" He had his innocence taken away through betrayal, " he said, adding

that Holt should be treated the same as if she were a male teacher

who took advantage of a female student. " Rape is rape, " he said.

While prosecutors did not get the sentence they were seeking, Kriner

noted that 10 years is " a long time. " He said he hopes Holt uses her

experience as a teacher to help other inmates while she's

incarcerated.

The victim is back in school and in therapy, Kriner said.

" He's doing as well as can be expected, " he said.

[Guest guest]

environmental1st2003 wrote:

>

>

> " Judges declare, on the record, that they will not enforce abuse laws

> against female abusers, even when they are caught on film committing

> their assaults against both husband and children. "

>

> I do not believe this will be the case much longer.

>

> With the recent explosion of female teachers committing sexual abuise

> on minors and getting a slap on the wrist for their offenses while

> their male counterparts get the maximum sentence, I think society

> will begin to get fed up with women getting off the hook so easily

> and will demand that women be prosecuted as a man is.

>

> Already, we are seeing this to be the case. The following article

> talks about a woman getting the MINIMUM sentence for the rape of a

> child (10 years. The maxiumum was 25 years), but at the same time

> receiving a longer sentence (according to her defense attorney) than

> those charged with similar crimes.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

Thank goodness, and it's about time! Thanks for pointing this out, Tom.

I'll pass the link on to friends who are currently dealing with a

similar situation in their own community.

--

" The people cannot delegate to government the power to do anything which

would be unlawful for them to do themselves. " -- Locke

[Guest guest]

Actually I am not worrying about finding someone - I posted 'where

are they hiding :-)' in a joking way, as in I think decent men are

rare.

I have enough in my life to occupy me without futher complications of

intimate relationships. Returning to college may actually be a

possibility now and one that I will be soon be looking into.

>

> " responded: " Mmmmmmmmm okay - so where are they hiding :-) "

>

> " Maybe in a library, hiking on a trail, or wait for fate to put you

in

> the right spot at the right time? "

>

> I'd take Kim's advice on this one and take it one step further. Do

> whatever it is you like to do and do not worry about finding

someone.

> If you are doing something interesting, and someone else shares

that

> interests, well, that is one thing you have in common, and

subsequent

> meetups can develop into friendships and something more.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

Both men and women can be violent. There are some very nasty women

out there, just as there are some very nasty men.

I agree there is still in this culture/society in the West a

disposition to believing a female cannot do such attrocities - but it

is rubbish and due to more awarness hopefully people are beginning to

realise this.

I still think that generally men are physically stronger than women -

but I am also aware that there are exceptions to the rules.

I also am aware that it was once taught (and maybe still is taught)

that men should not hit women and that women don't hit - however with

my own eyes I have seen now little respect on either accounts. I

don't know what is happening to the world - has it got more violent?

or is it just we are more aware of it?

>

> > A) Are fooled by women that can erect these smokescreens, and

> > Are attracted to the type of women who initially appear

innocent and

> > ultimately wind up abusing you after you have fallen for them.

>

> Both A and B have the same answer:

>

> In modern American society, female abuse of males is considered the

> norm. Movies are made in which the heroine abuses and tortures her

male

> companion, and is justified in doing so because he has the gall to

> insist on being treated like a human being. Judges declare, on the

> record, that they will not enforce abuse laws against female

abusers,

> even when they are caught on film committing their assaults against

both

> husband and children. When women assault and murder their male

partners,

> they are said to have been " provoked " and therefore not liable for

their

> criminal behavior.

>

> Men, meanwhile, are taught that real men don't hit women, no matter

what

> the provocation. Men are imprisoned for defending themselves with

their

> bare hands when their female partners assault them with deadly

weapons -

> even when the female gloats about having been the aggressor. Any

men in

> her life are held to be somehow " responsible " when a woman commits

a

> violent crime, even if the violent crime is something as extreme as

> murdering her husband or children.

>

> In short, we live in a society in which men are held to blame for

not

> only their own behavior, but also the behavior of women, even when

the

> women themselves declare that they did it out of spite, hate, or

simply

> " to show him who's boss. " Because of this, any man going into a

> relationship has to assume he is traveling in enemy territory, and

take

> extra precautions to ensure that any woman he associates with -

even as

> " just friends " - is someone he can trust with his life.

>

> --

> " Any unarmed people are slaves, or are subject to slavery at any

given

> moment. " -- Huey Newton

>

[Guest guest]

raven wrote: > Well then, Kim, he doesn't fit the profile of the shallow a rock 'em, > sock 'em cowboy guy now, does he? And that's why you and he hooked up > instead of him having a bevy of shallow women following in his wake.

In his mind a bevy of shallow women may have been fun for awhile, could have been like Conan the Barbarian. (BIG EYE ROLL and a Har, har, har! )

Well, at the bar he was rough, meanacing and his persona was that of a mix between a Viking and a "Hell's Angels" biker, though this was not the club he was a member of. He has no problems with keeping the rude/stupid persons he must deal with on the job on their toes, slightly fearful of him and he is as crude as he needs to be. There is so much more to it and it's complicated. I feel one or two paragraphs wouldn't explain his behavior properly and I don't want to give the wrong impression of him or say things that he prefers to keep private.

I will say this, what he shows the world sometimes is not how he is in private and yes you could say he puts on a false front. It is the only way he knows how to deal with things I think it may be because he is bipolar, his therapy is helping in this regard. As a kid he was extremely shy, one example being that he would be taken to a birthday parties and he would refuse to leave the car at all.

So, if I had been introduced to him at the bar, when he was working or met him at some other time and watched his behavior then, I might have never gotten to know him or even have wanted to find out who he really is, I'd have only witnessed the brave front put on by a shy, insecure guy.

Kim

[Guest guest]

> I wish I had met some of those " gentle and caring " women.

Unfortunately,

> I've been married twice to women who, if our genders had been

reversed,

> would currently be in jail for spousal abuse.

>

> It's because of those women that I created the Battered Husbands

Support

> Group at .

I'm sorry you went through such bad marriages. Did it take a long time

to come to the conclusion you should call it quits and did they have

some psychiatric disorders? I just wonder because I myself was verbally

abusive for a long time. My husband urged me to go for counseling for

years and stuck by me even though I was hurting him, although he did

drink and use drugs. We had a pretty fouled up beginning but

eventually, after hitting what for me was rock bottom, we've both gotten

help.

Kim

[Guest guest]

Kim wrote:

>

>

>

>> I wish I had met some of those " gentle and caring " women.

> Unfortunately,

>> I've been married twice to women who, if our genders had been

> reversed,

>> would currently be in jail for spousal abuse.

>>

>> It's because of those women that I created the Battered Husbands

> Support

>> Group at .

>

>

> I'm sorry you went through such bad marriages. Did it take a long time

> to come to the conclusion you should call it quits and did they have

> some psychiatric disorders? I just wonder because I myself was verbally

> abusive for a long time. My husband urged me to go for counseling for

> years and stuck by me even though I was hurting him, although he did

> drink and use drugs. We had a pretty fouled up beginning but

> eventually, after hitting what for me was rock bottom, we've both gotten

> help.

>

> Kim

I stuck by first wife for seven years before realizing that not only was

she not getting any better, she didn't have any DESIRE to get better. My

first real clue that she had no desire to get better was when, after she

had walked across a 6-lane street, during rush hour, against the " Don't

Walk " light, while pushing a stroller carrying her youngest daughter and

leading her oldest daughter by the hand, she declared that there was

nothing wrong with doing that, because " They have to stop. I have

children. " When I realized that her lack of consideration for other

human beings extended beyond me to her own children as well, I realized

I couldn't stay with her any longer.

My second wife is a sociopath, pure and simple. In her own words, " other

people aren't real. They're just cardboard cut-outs. I can do anything

to them because they aren't real. " Unfortunately, as sociopaths tend to

be, she's also very good at manipulating people, and the closer you are

to her, the better she is at manipulating you. Before my friends

convinced me that I COULD escape her without suffering from her wrath,

she had total control over how much time I was allowed to take getting

home from work, whether I was allowed to communicate with anyone she did

not approve, even whether I was allowed to spend time with people she

DID approve.

Even a year after I left my second wife, she was sending me letters

that, when I showed them to my therapist, he told me that if a man had

sent those letters to a woman he was counseling, he would have urged her

to turn them over to the police for prosecution - but since he already

knew that the police would do nothing for a man who was being victimized

by a woman, he wasn't going to waste my time by making the

recommendation to me.

--

" Political correctness is really a subjective list put together by the

few to rule the many -- a list of things one must think, say, or do. It

affronts the right of the individual to establish his or her own

beliefs. " - Mark Berley

[Guest guest]

Hartwell wrote:

> My second wife is a sociopath, pure and simple. In her own words, " other

> people aren't real. They're just cardboard cut-outs. I can do anything

> to them because they aren't real. "

I forgot to mention that I was with this wife for 11 years.

--

" What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases

to exist. " -- Salman Rushdie

[Guest guest]

Where are you located? In NJ I hear it costs about $3,000.00 for everything........depending on how complicated maybe a little more...........BUT I also hear the Division of Developmental Disabilities will pay for the Guardianship part of it...........

Dawn,

Mom to angel , 16 mos. DS

In a message dated 1/18/2008 10:24:36 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, slpanda2@... writes:

Hello everyone. I am going to be looking for a lawyer to set up a special needs trust, possible medical guardianship, will, etc. I do have a few names of lawyers but I just wanted to know if anyone has done this, maybe could suggest questions I need to ask. I have a few of my own but there are always things you forget to ask and I was hoping many of you have already done this. I spoke with PACT yesterday and I was surprised they still had our case file. We need to get (is 26 with DS) a Medicaid waver for them to go forward with this. (we had several problems getting PACT to process as we could not get Medicaid) We tried and were denied before as gets SSDI, works, is on Medicare A and B as well as my medical, dental, prescription plan. I am hoping a lawyer will help me with this as well. Any ideas, questions, advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, can anyone shed any light on a ball park figure this may cost me? Thanks in advance. Shirley Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

[Guest guest]

I am in Elmhurst, Illinois.Dgaita1013@... wrote: Where are you located? In NJ I hear it costs about $3,000.00 for everything........depending on how complicated maybe a little more...........BUT I also hear the Division of Developmental Disabilities will pay for the Guardianship part of it........... Dawn, Mom to angel , 16 mos. DS In a message dated 1/18/2008 10:24:36 A.M. Eastern

Standard Time, slpanda2sbcglobal (DOT) net writes: Hello everyone. I am going to be looking for a lawyer to set up a special needs trust, possible medical guardianship, will, etc. I do have a few names of lawyers but I just wanted to know if anyone has done this, maybe could suggest questions I need to ask. I have a few of my own but there are always things you forget to ask and I was hoping many of you have already done this. I spoke with PACT yesterday and I was surprised they still had our case file. We need to get (is 26 with DS) a Medicaid waver for them to go forward with this. (we had several problems getting PACT to process as we could not get Medicaid) We tried and were denied before as gets SSDI, works, is

on Medicare A and B as well as my medical, dental, prescription plan. I am hoping a lawyer will help me with this as well. Any ideas, questions, advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, can anyone shed any light on a ball park figure this may cost me? Thanks in advance. Shirley Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

[Guest guest]

We used Rubin, an attorney in Buffalo Grove. has been specializing in Special Needs Trusts for a couple of decades, after the birth of his son (who is autistic). came highly recommended and spends a lot of time educating on the topic. In fact, the Options and Advocacy group (in Crystal Lake) is having a parent conference on Feb 9th at the Holiday Inn in Crystal Lake, IL - will be a guest speaker for one of the breakout sessions. 's email is www.brianrubin.com.

Please let me know if you have any more questions.

Mika Schindewolf

Down Syndrome Treatment From: slpanda2@...Date: Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:23:52 +0000Subject: Can anyone help me?

Hello everyone. I am going to be looking for a lawyer to set up a special needs trust, possible medical guardianship, will, etc. I do have a few names of lawyers but I just wanted to know if anyone has done this, maybe could suggest questions I need to ask. I have a few of my own but there are always things you forget to ask and I was hoping many of you have already done this. I spoke with PACT yesterday and I was surprised they still had our case file. We need to get (is 26 with DS) a Medicaid waver for them to go forward with this. (we had several problems getting PACT to process as we could not get Medicaid) We tried and were denied before as gets SSDI, works, is on Medicare A and B as well as my medical, dental, prescription plan. I am hoping a lawyer will help me with this as well. Any ideas, questions, advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, can anyone shed any light on a ball park figure this may cost me? Thanks in advance. Shirley Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. Get it now!

[Guest guest]

If I recall correctly, all of the documents cost us about $5,000. For this you get an entire package of legal documents including:

Will

Letter re: beneficiary changes (to send to life ins, iras, 401ks, etc)

Power of Attorney

Power of Health CAre

Special Needs Trust and ancillary documents (trust cert, trust ID number, trust instructions and others)

Short Term Guardian appointment forms

is very good at assessing needs and there is a LONG form you'll need to complete prior to your meeting.Mika

Down Syndrome Treatment From: slpanda2@...Date: Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:23:52 +0000Subject: Can anyone help me?

Hello everyone. I am going to be looking for a lawyer to set up a special needs trust, possible medical guardianship, will, etc. I do have a few names of lawyers but I just wanted to know if anyone has done this, maybe could suggest questions I need to ask. I have a few of my own but there are always things you forget to ask and I was hoping many of you have already done this. I spoke with PACT yesterday and I was surprised they still had our case file. We need to get (is 26 with DS) a Medicaid waver for them to go forward with this. (we had several problems getting PACT to process as we could not get Medicaid) We tried and were denied before as gets SSDI, works, is on Medicare A and B as well as my medical, dental, prescription plan. I am hoping a lawyer will help me with this as well. Any ideas, questions, advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, can anyone shed any light on a ball park figure this may cost me? Thanks in advance. Shirley Need to know the score, the latest news, or you need your Hotmail®-get your "fix" Check it out.