Guest guest Posted April 11, 2002 Report Share Posted April 11, 2002 A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Upon their retirement, a husband and wife were discussing their future. " What will you do if I die before I do?” the husband asked the wife. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then the wife asked the husband, " What will you do if I die first? " He replied, " Probably the same thing. " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A father spoke to his son, " It's time we had a little talk my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else. " He added, " But don't worry, it's perfectly normal ... it's called golf. " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Good Advice: The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. Shotgun wedding A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2002 Report Share Posted April 11, 2002 Wanda, To me you are! God Bless, Belinda > A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 11, 2002 Report Share Posted April 11, 2002 Wanda, To me you are! God Bless, Belinda > A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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