Re: Kansas Tourism/My laugh for today

[Guest guest]

Sally,

This is cute. I guess every region has their quirks. I think I

probably will never get to go to Kansas. It might be just as well.

hehe

God bless,

Belinda

> Subject: Kansas Tourism Notice

>

> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when

> Easterners and Californians cross the state of Kansas, the Kansas

> Tourism Council has adopted a new policy. In an effort to help

> outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following

> notice will be handed to each person as they enter the State.

>

> 1. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive,

> you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four

wheel

> drive

> because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

>

> 2. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years

old.

> Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

>

> 3. Go ahead and bring your $600 Roves Fly Rod. Don't cry to us

if a

> flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those

> little 13- inch trout you fish for...bait.

>

> 4. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

>

> 5. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making

> their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you

don't

> have

> it up to your ear at the time.

>

> 6. No, there's no " Vegetarian Special " on the menu. Order steak.

> Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off

the

> 2 pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes

in a

> glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

>

> 7. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and

> served over ice.

>

> 8. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.

> We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two

weeks a

> year.

>

> 9. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We

stop

> when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

>

> 10. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.

> So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

>

> 11. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and turtle. You really want

> sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

>

> 12. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't

> like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the

> other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

>

> 13. The " Opener " refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's

a

> religious holiday held the closest Second Saturday of

November.

> You can get breakfast at the church.

>

> 14. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being

> friendly.

>

> 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards.

> It spooks the fish.

>

> 16. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for

driving

> like an idiot...his name is " Sir " ... no matter how old he

is.

>

> Now, enjoy your visit and then drive safely home...

>

> Sally in Kansas