The oblivious thing

[Guest guest]

JonnysGirl81@... writes:

> have come to believe that I am so secure in my relationship that I

> am just not open to flirting and am oblivious (most times) to it

> happening.

Yep, I really think this is what it is. Either secure in your

relationship, or actively " not looking " -- I have a friend whose

husband was that way for the first 18 years of their marriage, but

gradually he seemed to feel that the glue that was holding them

together was coming unstuck. At that point, he started being a lot more

receptive to others' flirting, and managed to get himself into an

affair. Fortunately for the two of them, my friend found out before

things got irrevocably out of hand, and they reconciled and are working

actively on keeping things together now.

The funny thing, though, is that my friend (who had WLS and has lost

all her excess weight) is now noticing that she gets " hit on " a lot

more. She has told me that she thinks this is partly because she knows

that it's possible now -- with her husband's affair, she was sensitized

or something to attention from outside the marriage. She says it's kind

of fun, but she will never act on it, knowing what she does about the

absolute devastation that affairs bring with them.

I have told her that another factor might be her newfound vulnerability

-- she used to be completely confident that her man would never stray,

but that has been shaken to the core, and now she gives off a bit of a

different vibe, I think. One that tells guys, " Here's a woman who's in

need of something, who could respond well to some TLC. " I dunno, this

is just my own theory, and it probably needs work, but I thought I'd

throw it out there.

--

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RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 23.2

-145 lbs

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