My fistula and that damn Halloween Candy

[Guest guest]

I had to have my fistula filled once again last week. I hope the

fibrin filler material works this time since I am out of luck if it

doesn't because I will no longer have insurance after Thursday. I

am so scared if this doesn't work then I will most likely keep

gaining weight. I gained back 25lbs and hate every one of them I

feel like the biggest failure. Yes, I have a mechanical reason for

the weight gain but I also am beating myself up because I tried to

gain weight to see if I could. When I got to my lowest I was

convinced because of the problems I was having I couldn't gain.

Wrong!!! I know some of its bounce back because I was in starvation

mode way too long! Some of its muscle but the rest went to my hips,

thighs and butt. I feel so fat. I do get full now but its more of

a uncomfortable feeling and I still get dumping and acid reflux.

Since I have had the problems with hypoglycemia and dumping I am

always hungry and really don't know when its true physical hunger or

just blood sugar fluctuations. Or to keep the blood sugar from

fluctuating I eat all the time because if I don't then I get sick. I

am back to where I was before surgery I ate all the time because of

the hypoglycemia. I know now if I could get off the sugar I

wouldn't crave it so much. The only problem with that is that my

insulin regulating system just has to still be screwed up because I

have more problems with craving sugar after eating just plain

grilled chicken which doesn't make since at all. If I don't consume

some sort of sugar after eating only protein then I get really weak

and sleepy. I think that I am feeling the rapid digestion because

you are not susposed to have the reactions with protein. I am

almost 3.5 years out and scared. I was once 342 got down to 155 now

180 but holding for several months now. I am 5'8 so I am not too

over weight yet just overweight.

I can eat more that I thought I would be able to after having the

fistula filled again. I guess that's due to being 3.5 years out. I

am a proximal transected divided rny gastric bypass so I still can't

see how I ever developed a fistula. I am one of the unlucky 1%

why? The fist time I had the fistula filled it didn't seal all the

way now he injected more material down there via an endoscope really

plugged me up he said. I hope it stays only alternative is a

revision and with out insurance that is out of the question. Plus

who is going to approve a revision on a healthy slightly over weight

25 year old who doesn't look over weight. Doesn't matter I just

wish because of this whole ordeal and the intense stress with school

health and family I wouldn't medicate with my friend chocolate.

Can't wait until Halloween is over with get this crap out of the

house except my family brought it in doesn't mean I have to eat it

though. No excuses even if for some reason I have a problem with

insulin regulation when eating protein I need to try to go off the

sugar totally and see if the cravings ever go away. See my blood

sugar is always low that's why I think when I eat protein its not

enough to raise my blood sugar well nothing does except sugar. I

don't know I can't explain it but I have never been one to follow

the rules I puzzle all the docs just like my grandma we have to be

that unlucky 1% why?

Kristy