Guest guest Posted October 30, 2002 Report Share Posted October 30, 2002 In a message dated 10/30/2002 7:13:59 AM Pacific Standard Time, kdirving@... writes: > All of > us here are morbidly obese, even though we're currently hiding out in > " normal-sized " bodies -- we all know the fear, the sense of being out > of control, the terror of feeling our bodies balloon out, of feeling > compelled to keep feeding the monsters inside us, as they demand " more, > more, more...! " ! This is SO TRUE! YOUR words, express exactly how I feel! I am a morbidly obese woman, currently hiding out in a " normal-sized " body! Yes, I know fear (even now)--the sense of being out of control....as many days/hours I AM out of control. Not only do I feel compelled to keep feeding the monster inside of me....I try so hard to self-sabatoge and then feel so guilty! I get on that scale every 4-5 days...and only allow myself to gain to the top of my goal wt. range, then I do Atkins to get back down, so I can eat what I wanna eat again. I made the BIG MISTAKE of getting back into the sugar, awhile back and I have been overpowered by sugars since then. In any form. The weird thing is...sugar never was my problem prior! Now, it is like a demon child took over my free will..... Thank you for your post, it meant a lot to me. Barb B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2002 Report Share Posted October 30, 2002 In a message dated 10/30/2002 7:13:59 AM Pacific Standard Time, kdirving@... writes: > All of > us here are morbidly obese, even though we're currently hiding out in > " normal-sized " bodies -- we all know the fear, the sense of being out > of control, the terror of feeling our bodies balloon out, of feeling > compelled to keep feeding the monsters inside us, as they demand " more, > more, more...! " ! This is SO TRUE! YOUR words, express exactly how I feel! I am a morbidly obese woman, currently hiding out in a " normal-sized " body! Yes, I know fear (even now)--the sense of being out of control....as many days/hours I AM out of control. Not only do I feel compelled to keep feeding the monster inside of me....I try so hard to self-sabatoge and then feel so guilty! I get on that scale every 4-5 days...and only allow myself to gain to the top of my goal wt. range, then I do Atkins to get back down, so I can eat what I wanna eat again. I made the BIG MISTAKE of getting back into the sugar, awhile back and I have been overpowered by sugars since then. In any form. The weird thing is...sugar never was my problem prior! Now, it is like a demon child took over my free will..... Thank you for your post, it meant a lot to me. Barb B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2002 Report Share Posted October 30, 2002 Thank you for a beautiful and compassionate post ... I never thought of the " body memory " aspect of this whole thing but am familiar with body memories and I have a body memory of my year out " feeling " of those several months of discovering the " what it takes to stay RIGHT HERE " and then keeping it -- it lasted for months and months and I felt so sure that " this is it! " I've gained a control system that keeps my body healthy and my size the same -- some how that turned on me much later and now I spend every day trying to get back to that place (ok, not necessarily that size) just the place where I can feel I can stay... it doesn't have to be the " ideal " dream as long as the health part stays the " ideal dream " -- I just want the size to stay in one place... Right now I'm looking at a bounce around for the last 3 months... nothing is " staying " no matter what I do -- it's up and down and as my " body remembers it " this is how it all starts to crash around me... I loose control (not over my eating, that's the same or less or more or the same -- healthy) but my body begins to do weird stuff against my will -- and that's the " body memory " I have from all the past times I've lost weight... stayed there a while and then begin gaining again for no apparent reason... Goddess bless all those who don't go through this -- maybe your metabolisms are in far better shape or for whatever reason you don't do this battle -- I REALLY thought I wouldn't because everything felt right... it felt right for so long... longer than ever before and my health was/is WOW. Guess I have to say that is my biggest fear -- what if my health goes with the regain? That is so frightening to even contemplate... maybe that is why I feel like it is healthy to talk about it and healthy to see if others some how learned how to control this and get it back... that magical " one place for good " place. I'll share if I find it -- I'm floundering and that is scary... your note is very heart warming... thank you. hugz, ~denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2002 Report Share Posted October 30, 2002 Excellently written, ! Exactly what I wanted to say. and one phrase you used definitely struck me as something to post somewhere to remember.... " All of us here are morbidly obese, even though we're currently hiding out in " normal-sized " bodies " . That is exactly how I feel too...like the real " morbidly obese " me, is just hiding inside this normal sized body waiting to get back out. And I am just waiting for her escape, while trying my hardest to keep her under wraps. I am a Christian and I also join in the chorus of " there, but for the grace of God, go I. " And I know it all too well. Chrissie 26 months post-op -201 lbs 373/172 shihtzumom@... http://users.snip.net/~shihtzumom My WLS Journey: http://millennium.fortunecity.com/doddington/691/WLS/this_is_me.htm ----- Original Message ----- From: Irving I have to say, I'm at 13 months out, and what you all are discussing right now is my very worst nightmare. These days I'm feeling sort of cautiously optimistic, hoping that my weight will not start to creep upward again; but I have no " body memory " of this *not* happening, you know? Every single last freakin' time I've *ever* lost a significant amount of weight, it's only been a matter of time before it's started to come back. I hope that won't be the case this time, but I won't know till it's over. My heart breaks for those of you who are struggling with regain right now -- I know that no matter how small a regain it might look like from the outside, it's an emotional trigger, a sign that this situation is not so very different after all. I, for one, went into this surgery only in part because of the promise of massive weight loss, but mainly because of the promise of a better chance of maintaining that weight loss at the end. I don't know right now whether I will be in the " can't maintain " or the " no problem " camp, but either way, believe me, I understand the horror and fear that those of you who are gaining must be feeling right now. I am feeling my way at the moment, working up to higher and higher calorie counts daily, in my search for the " balance point " where I will stop losing, but not gain either. At the moment, my main concern is finding this balance point...I just have to hope that it exists! All of us here are morbidly obese, even though we're currently hiding out in " normal-sized " bodies -- we all know the fear, the sense of being out of control, the terror of feeling our bodies balloon out, of feeling compelled to keep feeding the monsters inside us, as they demand " more, more, more...! " I hope we can all muster up some compassion for those around us who are not in exactly the same places we are -- I'm not a Christian, but I'd certainly join in a chorus of " there, but for the grace of God, go I. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 2002 Report Share Posted October 30, 2002 Excellently written, ! Exactly what I wanted to say. and one phrase you used definitely struck me as something to post somewhere to remember.... " All of us here are morbidly obese, even though we're currently hiding out in " normal-sized " bodies " . That is exactly how I feel too...like the real " morbidly obese " me, is just hiding inside this normal sized body waiting to get back out. And I am just waiting for her escape, while trying my hardest to keep her under wraps. I am a Christian and I also join in the chorus of " there, but for the grace of God, go I. " And I know it all too well. Chrissie 26 months post-op -201 lbs 373/172 shihtzumom@... http://users.snip.net/~shihtzumom My WLS Journey: http://millennium.fortunecity.com/doddington/691/WLS/this_is_me.htm ----- Original Message ----- From: Irving I have to say, I'm at 13 months out, and what you all are discussing right now is my very worst nightmare. These days I'm feeling sort of cautiously optimistic, hoping that my weight will not start to creep upward again; but I have no " body memory " of this *not* happening, you know? Every single last freakin' time I've *ever* lost a significant amount of weight, it's only been a matter of time before it's started to come back. I hope that won't be the case this time, but I won't know till it's over. My heart breaks for those of you who are struggling with regain right now -- I know that no matter how small a regain it might look like from the outside, it's an emotional trigger, a sign that this situation is not so very different after all. I, for one, went into this surgery only in part because of the promise of massive weight loss, but mainly because of the promise of a better chance of maintaining that weight loss at the end. I don't know right now whether I will be in the " can't maintain " or the " no problem " camp, but either way, believe me, I understand the horror and fear that those of you who are gaining must be feeling right now. I am feeling my way at the moment, working up to higher and higher calorie counts daily, in my search for the " balance point " where I will stop losing, but not gain either. At the moment, my main concern is finding this balance point...I just have to hope that it exists! All of us here are morbidly obese, even though we're currently hiding out in " normal-sized " bodies -- we all know the fear, the sense of being out of control, the terror of feeling our bodies balloon out, of feeling compelled to keep feeding the monsters inside us, as they demand " more, more, more...! " I hope we can all muster up some compassion for those around us who are not in exactly the same places we are -- I'm not a Christian, but I'd certainly join in a chorus of " there, but for the grace of God, go I. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.