Re: what it's like to be fat

[Guest guest]

Of course it ends. What would be the point in having the surgery and

making so many life changes if we are destined to live in fear and

misery? Surgery is the tool to promote the weight loss, but it's up

to us as individuals to learn tools to stop the mental self abuse we

impose on ourselves. Our memories of our past suffering are tools

also, as they are reminders of a life we no longer want, and without

that knowledge, we wouldn't have the motivation or desire to make the

courageous attempt at change.

We have to make a concious effort to learn to be happy and

comfortable after so many years of living in an unhappy state. This

is hard...for most of us being happy feels like an unatural state.

Being happy feels uncomfortable and many of us have the sense of

waiting for the other shoe to drop (or regaining weight, or failing).

It takes time to build self-esteem and feel deserving. As someone

pointed out on an earlier post, it is only by repeated small

successes and changes in behavior that we begin to gain confidence.

It is extremely important for us, in my opinion, to take a mental or

written inventory at the end of the day where we acknowledge our

successes, even if it is only to say " well, I didn't binge today, so

that's a good thing " or " I was nice to people today " . Many people

walk around during the day unconciously taking negative inventories

of themselves, pointing out their failures or " less thans " to

themselves, and this negative self talk in every way is believed by

us and defines our state of mind overall.

I CHOOSE to let go of fear. A friend told me last night that when

she has anger, resentments or fear, she has the responsibility to let

it reside with her or not. When she recognizes a resentment against

someone at work, for instance (otherwise known as being p.o.'d at

some jerk!) she asks herself whether she wants to feel this

resentment or just let it go. When she doesn't want to let it go and

she really wants to think about it, she'll say " OK, I'm going to give

myself 5 minutes to stew in this " . At the end of 5 minutes, she asks

herself " have I had enough? Do I feel better now? Can I let go of

this? " If she needs more time, she gives herself another 5 minutes.

And she does this until she's sick of it or realizes the futility of

it all, and then she lets it go, gives it up, and doesn't think about

it anymore.

I haven't tried this tool yet, but I will. It sounds better than my

habit of carrying around " baggage " for days, weeks, months, even

years.

And the FREEDOM is phenomenal! The freedom to love oneself and to

enjoy life.

Abraham Lincoln has a saying which goes something like this:

" Everyone is just about as happy as he makes up his mind to be. "

Well, I'm nothing if not opinionated, but there's my 2 cents. I could

be wrong, could be right....just trying to find my way best I can.

And the journey IS fun!!!

Smiles,

Vicki A.

> Just wondering if anyone saw the Oprah Winfrey show today on the

above

> subject. I am still sitting here, crying. All the pain,

humiliation, terror,

> self-hatred, frustration, agony, recrimination, guilt, disgust --

you-name-it

> -- came flooding back.

>

> Especially the terror. I am terrified that I could maybe end up

going back to

> all that. Does it never end?

>

> Carol A