Re: Re: feeling happy where you are

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/11/2002 1:29:11 AM Pacific Standard Time,

tjcdhughes@... writes:

> I am not going to 'diet " off those last 20 lbs, just

> because " soceity " including this little internet one, thinks a size 14

> is still on the big side. Well damn it, I may be on the big side, but

> I happen to love my boobs that didn't disappear (thank the good lord

> above), my small waist, and my big hips. My tummy could be flatter,

> sure, but that too doesn't upset me, and even if I could get insurance

> to pay for most of it, a tummy tuck isn't in the financial cards right

> now.

> So here I am, and you know what? I'm thrilled with myself. I feel

> sexy and good, and am proud of taking good care of my health for the

> first time in my life. We can't all be size 6 or 8 or whatever, but

> we can be OUR personal best.

>

>

>

Absolutely!!!! I agree 100%! I am the best me I can be. I never had a

number on the scale or size of clothes that would define success, other than

getting my BMI under 28 . . .I didn't want my size or weight to be a health

concern any longer. I was done with morbid obesity! Now, I eat when I am

hungry, I eat what I really want and most of the time it is really high

quality food. Once and a while I have something because of the pleasure the

taste will give me rather than consider the fuel it will give my body! Oh

WELL!!!! Our weight and health is the result of our habits of behavior, not

a single eating experience . . . as far as exercise, I was working out lasy

suimmer and my goal was strength and flexibility . . .because of that, I

actually enjoyed it and looked forward to it. Life got in the way and I

couldn't make the time . . . I am going to change that, it feels too good not

to!

Anyhow, size is secondary to health . . . excess fat and poor habits

are primary causes of ill health . . .so if we treat our bodies in the best

possible way we can . . . health and our natural size will follow! Nothing

wrong with a 14 if that is what size your body naturally is.

) Vicki

[Guest guest]

Carol,

May I share this with my support group?

Rasley

mailto:drasley@...

BTC, Columbus, 10/7/98

Lost over 90% of excess and maintaining

Gained a beautiful daughter on 8/9/00

>

> > Hi Laurie,

> > I posted this a while back and it was published this winter in

> Beyond Change

> > a great little newsletter many of you might enjoy if you aren't

> familiar with

> > it.. but maybe it'll help to repeat it for you now...

> > Best wishes, Carol

> >

> > FINDING YOUR SWEET SPOT

> > by Carol Signore, MAT, MS, LMFT

> >

> > Yesterday I read a sad post online. It was written by Tierney

> Marie, a girl

> > whose weight loss surgery result is as beautiful as her name. I

> feel like I

> > know her even though we've never met. She lost 150 pounds in 14

> months and

> > wears a size 14 now. Her wide arrays of serious, pre-surgical,

> medical

> > problems have all but disappeared and her health has never been

> better.

> > Unhappily it isn't enough. Tierney Marie feels desperate to keep

> the pounds

> > coming off. She wants to wear a size 8.

> >

> > Two years ago Tierney Marie was afraid she might not live to see

> her daughter

> > graduate from high school. The possibility of buying her clothes in

> the

> > " regular department " was a fantasy akin to wining the lottery.

> > Today Tierney Marie dreams of being super slim and is prepared for

> extreme

> > measures to meet her goal. Her weight loss has slowed to a creep,

> maybe even

> > stopped, and her 'honeymoon' -that 12-18 month window of

> opportunity for

> > losing weight after surgery- is clearly drawing to a close. Fear

> and anxiety

> > are becoming constant companions and old compulsive eating

> behaviors are

> > lurking once again. Her hunger has returned with force and tiny

> little

> > portions no longer fill her up. Tierney is terrified! She is also

> at a

> > critical point in her WLS recovery.

> >

> > I wrote to Tierney Marie. I wanted to congratulate her on her

> fabulous weight

> > loss. I also wanted to suggest that the expectations we have for

> weight loss

> > surgery sometimes need to be re-examined as our 'honeymoon' phases

> draw to a

> > close.

> > After three years of coming to terms with my own surgery results,

> and 15

> > years of clinical practice in eating and weight disorders, I think

> one of the

> > great secrets to WLS success has little to do with weight and

> everything to

> > do with body image and self acceptance. The numbers on the scale

> aren't

> > what's crucial, but what we think about them is. A certain amount

> of

> > acceptance and knowing what is 'enough' is essential to recovery

> from weight

> > loss surgery as it is to other recoveries related to eating

> behaviors. We

> > need to develop acceptance about what is 'enough' to eat and

> acceptance about

> > what is 'enough' to look like. It's a kind of personal 'sweet

> spot', a place

> > where our weight levels out and stability is manageable with

> reasonable care.

> > If we have established healthy eating and exercise plans by that

> point, and

> > if we continue to follow them, (two big ifs) we may continue to

> lose a bit

> > more over time. I'm not sure it is ever as much as many of us come

> to want.

> > It is probably 'enough'.

> >

> > Many of us are intoxicated by our own success and the extraordinary

> > compliments we receive as the pounds melt away. Some of us

> rationalize that

> > we are merely 'going for the gold' as our egos inflate like little

> hot air

> > balloons and we grow ever more determined to join the ranks of the

> emaciated

> > like Kate and Lara and Allie.. It may seem like a perfect route to

> righteous

> > revenge or an ideal angry pay back, but linking arms with the icons

> of our

> > thin-obsessed culture won't erase the years of pain and humiliation

> that all

> > morbidly obese people have endured. Even with surgical help a

> personal

> > history characterized by compulsive overeating and morbid obesity

> doesn't

> > argue very convincingly for a long run as Twiggy. Remember that

> those who

> > refuse to learn from history are condemned to repeat it.

> >

> > We all reach a place in the end where we must carefully define

> what 'enough'

> > really is. That's how we find our balance. And that's how we find

> our 'sweet

> > spot'. Often this insight comes at the moment when we feel most out

> of

> > control, like the place where Tierney Marie is now. When terror has

> us in its

> > grip, that's when we let go of cultural edicts and fantasy selves

> and shake

> > hands, at last, with our own reality, our own biology. Accepting

> this reality

> > means being fair and reasonable with our bodies and our

> expectations.

> > Balancing can't happen unless we let it.

> >

> > How well have we learned to nourish our new selves post honeymoon?

> How do we

> > view and feel about our 'thinner' bodies? When and what is good

> enough? These

> > data are more crucial than any numbers on the scale. Unless we make

> peace

> > with what is 'enough' for us we will probably continue to battle

> food and

> > weight long after our surgeries.

> >

> > For those who keep a journal during their experience (and I highly

> recommend

> > the practice!) it helps to go back at the end of the honeymoon and

> reread

> > early entries about the reasons that prompted surgery in the first

> place.

> > What were the most important goals? Have we achieved them? Tierney

> Marie

> > needs to do this now.

> >

> > Whatever formula you develop is yours alone and the ingredients for

> each

> > 'sweet spot' are probably as individual as each of us. I agree with

> many

> > nutritionists about increasing protein consumption during periods

> of frequent

> > cravings or weight fluctuation ...especially for those who have had

> distal

> > surgeries... but less sugar, fewer carbs and more exercise are

> probably just

> > as effective for most proximals. Following your personal 'sweet

> spot' formula

> > must become as natural as breathing. Long-term maintenance depends

> on long

> > term commitment. Handling rough patches requires a long list of

> dependable

> > strategies. It also helps to remember that rough patches smooth out

> > eventually.

> >

> > I think each of us comes to a very 'sweet spot' after our weight

> loss surgery

> > honeymoon. But we need to recognize it when we see it. This

> balancing phase

> > of WLS is the most critical phase of recovery. It is where real

> success is

> > determined. Not the surgeon's skill (although that's clearly

> important), not

> > the rate of loss, not the clothes size achieved, or the compliments

> > collected. True success is acquiring that lower healthy weight and

> the

> > ability to maintain it. Sound familiar?? It's like every diet we

> ever went on

> > in the old days, right? No. Now we have our new small pouch to help

> us....

> > It's our 'secret' weapon for knowing how much food is 'enough'.

> >

> > Once you find your 'sweet spot', embrace it! Go with the grace and

> balance of

> > that safe, stable, GOOD ENOUGH place for you. In my experience,

> people have a

> > terrible time maintaining when they force their weight down below

> their

> > 'sweet spots'. I suspect that kind of pushing may actually be one

> of the

> > reasons for the oft' mentioned 'bounce'. You can't fool Mother

> Nature! Well,

> > you can but it's costly!

> >

> > Perfectionism sometimes stalks us all after this surgery. Most of

> us have

> > never dreamed of so much success and I think we can be excused for

> getting

> > carried away by it a bit at times...especially in the early stages.

> But if we

> > don't come to grips with a reasonable place to land eventually, and

> learn to

> > know what is 'enough', I think we are in trouble. We set ourselves

> up again

> > for too much deprivation, too little self-satisfaction and the

> inevitable

> > turbulence that results from trying to adapt to the storm instead

> of finding

> > shelter and staying out of harm's way.

> > I wish Tierney Marie and all of us peaceful ports in the storm. And

> I hope we

> > all recognize the shelter of our very own " sweet spots " when we

> find them.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Carol,

May I share this with my support group?

Rasley

mailto:drasley@...

BTC, Columbus, 10/7/98

Lost over 90% of excess and maintaining

Gained a beautiful daughter on 8/9/00

>

> > Hi Laurie,

> > I posted this a while back and it was published this winter in

> Beyond Change

> > a great little newsletter many of you might enjoy if you aren't

> familiar with

> > it.. but maybe it'll help to repeat it for you now...

> > Best wishes, Carol

> >

> > FINDING YOUR SWEET SPOT

> > by Carol Signore, MAT, MS, LMFT

> >

> > Yesterday I read a sad post online. It was written by Tierney

> Marie, a girl

> > whose weight loss surgery result is as beautiful as her name. I

> feel like I

> > know her even though we've never met. She lost 150 pounds in 14

> months and

> > wears a size 14 now. Her wide arrays of serious, pre-surgical,

> medical

> > problems have all but disappeared and her health has never been

> better.

> > Unhappily it isn't enough. Tierney Marie feels desperate to keep

> the pounds

> > coming off. She wants to wear a size 8.

> >

> > Two years ago Tierney Marie was afraid she might not live to see

> her daughter

> > graduate from high school. The possibility of buying her clothes in

> the

> > " regular department " was a fantasy akin to wining the lottery.

> > Today Tierney Marie dreams of being super slim and is prepared for

> extreme

> > measures to meet her goal. Her weight loss has slowed to a creep,

> maybe even

> > stopped, and her 'honeymoon' -that 12-18 month window of

> opportunity for

> > losing weight after surgery- is clearly drawing to a close. Fear

> and anxiety

> > are becoming constant companions and old compulsive eating

> behaviors are

> > lurking once again. Her hunger has returned with force and tiny

> little

> > portions no longer fill her up. Tierney is terrified! She is also

> at a

> > critical point in her WLS recovery.

> >

> > I wrote to Tierney Marie. I wanted to congratulate her on her

> fabulous weight

> > loss. I also wanted to suggest that the expectations we have for

> weight loss

> > surgery sometimes need to be re-examined as our 'honeymoon' phases

> draw to a

> > close.

> > After three years of coming to terms with my own surgery results,

> and 15

> > years of clinical practice in eating and weight disorders, I think

> one of the

> > great secrets to WLS success has little to do with weight and

> everything to

> > do with body image and self acceptance. The numbers on the scale

> aren't

> > what's crucial, but what we think about them is. A certain amount

> of

> > acceptance and knowing what is 'enough' is essential to recovery

> from weight

> > loss surgery as it is to other recoveries related to eating

> behaviors. We

> > need to develop acceptance about what is 'enough' to eat and

> acceptance about

> > what is 'enough' to look like. It's a kind of personal 'sweet

> spot', a place

> > where our weight levels out and stability is manageable with

> reasonable care.

> > If we have established healthy eating and exercise plans by that

> point, and

> > if we continue to follow them, (two big ifs) we may continue to

> lose a bit

> > more over time. I'm not sure it is ever as much as many of us come

> to want.

> > It is probably 'enough'.

> >

> > Many of us are intoxicated by our own success and the extraordinary

> > compliments we receive as the pounds melt away. Some of us

> rationalize that

> > we are merely 'going for the gold' as our egos inflate like little

> hot air

> > balloons and we grow ever more determined to join the ranks of the

> emaciated

> > like Kate and Lara and Allie.. It may seem like a perfect route to

> righteous

> > revenge or an ideal angry pay back, but linking arms with the icons

> of our

> > thin-obsessed culture won't erase the years of pain and humiliation

> that all

> > morbidly obese people have endured. Even with surgical help a

> personal

> > history characterized by compulsive overeating and morbid obesity

> doesn't

> > argue very convincingly for a long run as Twiggy. Remember that

> those who

> > refuse to learn from history are condemned to repeat it.

> >

> > We all reach a place in the end where we must carefully define

> what 'enough'

> > really is. That's how we find our balance. And that's how we find

> our 'sweet

> > spot'. Often this insight comes at the moment when we feel most out

> of

> > control, like the place where Tierney Marie is now. When terror has

> us in its

> > grip, that's when we let go of cultural edicts and fantasy selves

> and shake

> > hands, at last, with our own reality, our own biology. Accepting

> this reality

> > means being fair and reasonable with our bodies and our

> expectations.

> > Balancing can't happen unless we let it.

> >

> > How well have we learned to nourish our new selves post honeymoon?

> How do we

> > view and feel about our 'thinner' bodies? When and what is good

> enough? These

> > data are more crucial than any numbers on the scale. Unless we make

> peace

> > with what is 'enough' for us we will probably continue to battle

> food and

> > weight long after our surgeries.

> >

> > For those who keep a journal during their experience (and I highly

> recommend

> > the practice!) it helps to go back at the end of the honeymoon and

> reread

> > early entries about the reasons that prompted surgery in the first

> place.

> > What were the most important goals? Have we achieved them? Tierney

> Marie

> > needs to do this now.

> >

> > Whatever formula you develop is yours alone and the ingredients for

> each

> > 'sweet spot' are probably as individual as each of us. I agree with

> many

> > nutritionists about increasing protein consumption during periods

> of frequent

> > cravings or weight fluctuation ...especially for those who have had

> distal

> > surgeries... but less sugar, fewer carbs and more exercise are

> probably just

> > as effective for most proximals. Following your personal 'sweet

> spot' formula

> > must become as natural as breathing. Long-term maintenance depends

> on long

> > term commitment. Handling rough patches requires a long list of

> dependable

> > strategies. It also helps to remember that rough patches smooth out

> > eventually.

> >

> > I think each of us comes to a very 'sweet spot' after our weight

> loss surgery

> > honeymoon. But we need to recognize it when we see it. This

> balancing phase

> > of WLS is the most critical phase of recovery. It is where real

> success is

> > determined. Not the surgeon's skill (although that's clearly

> important), not

> > the rate of loss, not the clothes size achieved, or the compliments

> > collected. True success is acquiring that lower healthy weight and

> the

> > ability to maintain it. Sound familiar?? It's like every diet we

> ever went on

> > in the old days, right? No. Now we have our new small pouch to help

> us....

> > It's our 'secret' weapon for knowing how much food is 'enough'.

> >

> > Once you find your 'sweet spot', embrace it! Go with the grace and

> balance of

> > that safe, stable, GOOD ENOUGH place for you. In my experience,

> people have a

> > terrible time maintaining when they force their weight down below

> their

> > 'sweet spots'. I suspect that kind of pushing may actually be one

> of the

> > reasons for the oft' mentioned 'bounce'. You can't fool Mother

> Nature! Well,

> > you can but it's costly!

> >

> > Perfectionism sometimes stalks us all after this surgery. Most of

> us have

> > never dreamed of so much success and I think we can be excused for

> getting

> > carried away by it a bit at times...especially in the early stages.

> But if we

> > don't come to grips with a reasonable place to land eventually, and

> learn to

> > know what is 'enough', I think we are in trouble. We set ourselves

> up again

> > for too much deprivation, too little self-satisfaction and the

> inevitable

> > turbulence that results from trying to adapt to the storm instead

> of finding

> > shelter and staying out of harm's way.

> > I wish Tierney Marie and all of us peaceful ports in the storm. And

> I hope we

> > all recognize the shelter of our very own " sweet spots " when we

> find them.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >