Re: husband support explant- NY and all

March 11, 2011

I am very serious about being explant buddies from NY. Hey, if anyone else would like to come along give a shout out. This is very scary and we need all the support we can get. I don't know if you should call Kolbs office, I didn't just because I am too out of it to look up her number or remember who to ask for... every little thing seems so overwhelming. My husband did send several pics of me right after implant where I looked good and healthy and now 4 yrs after implant where I look much older and sick. They notated how my one implant is laying on skin and causing much pain. They wanted a picture of it but you can't see the redness there in a picture. I'm not even sure how they got it covered, but plastic surgery complications is covered in my insurance surprisingly. I felt so defeated in getting it covered after Dr. Hiatts office here said what I expected "plastic surgery is not covered under insurance" and then I explained how I am sick and she denied it was because of implants. They are stupid. I wanna call back and tell them they didn't even try and missed out on thousands of dollars because if Hiatt wasn't an arrogant blaa and his insurance lady wasn''t an ignorant blaa I woulda went there. But, my bad experiences here with my consults led me to the right person it seems, Kolb. My husband also went through periods where I was like "do I even know him?" or "how did he become such an ignorant a buncha bad words" and when it gets so bad I want a divorce, he switches and humbles himself and professes his love. He got off all of his meds and he seems more with it now though. He said he felt "snowed" before. Is your husband on meds? Just an idea. Or, perhaps he needs counseling for his avoidance personality. Why is he like that I wonder? Sometimes people just need a good healthy cry instead of running from pain. I'm sorry,,, I feel alone also glad we found each other. As bad as I am after surgery usually, I will have to have him come, but I'm wondering if I'll feel better instantly with all the weight off my chest suffocating me etc.

And, I had 2 babies with a rare genetic disorder, mitochondrial disease and they died. If your up to it, I'd like to hear more about your story with the sick baby. What happened? What was the disorder? I also think I was using obsession with looks with the boobs...etc.. as a drug. We have learned a lot the HARD WAY. I'm just so sick of this all. I have to see how long my insurance approval for explantation is for... we still have to save up. Are you ready to go financially?

Az

From: mamacondon6@...Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2011 10:41:13 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Ok, two months..did you have to be in constant contact w/ them or did they just stay on it? I feel impatient and now that I know what the problem is I want them out! NOW! I would love to go thru it w/ you...my husband has already told me I would have to go alone because he can't handle taking care of me...nice huh? I feel very betrayed by my husband too. He is a great dad ,a good provider, otherwise a good man...there is a but here..but when it comes to showing emotion and caring for me he just can't do it..he abandons me physically and emotionally.

We had a child almost die from a rare syndrome when he was 18 months old, it happened in the blink of an eye and there we were at the hospital in the ped. ICU thinking our baby was gonna die and he looks at me and says "hey I'm going to the house and get some sleep, see you in the morning". I was stunned! I didn't leave my son's bedside for 16 hours, not even to pee! I stood up all night and rocked him in my arms and prayed for his survival ...alone.

I will never forgive him for leaving me or our son that night.

I sometimes wonder how he can be so good in some ways and so unthinkable in others.

It really breaks my heart the way he has let me struggle thru this alone...I cry all the time when I think about it.

I'm so grateful to all of you here, without you guys I would truly have no one to talk to.

It was really getting unbearable, the loneliness, sickness and sadness.

If your husband is opening up to you about all this stuff, maybe that is a good thing?

Maybe now if there are no more secrets things will improve?

I pray it will for you both and your daughter.

Do you think I should bug Rhonda at Dr. Kolb's office or try to be patient and hope they haven't forgotten about me?I would to the explant w/ you and we could commiserate together and help each other....it's not exactly having coffee...but...you have to keep your sense of humor right?

Good days are coming...

NY

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Thu, March 10, 2011 10:55:27 AMSubject: RE: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Yes my husband recognizes throughly that this is an addiction, so is approaching treatment as such. He was and is tempted at using sexual pleasure outside of the marriage union/bond/ committment but he loves us very much and we have been married 17 years. He describes this "zone" he goes into unable to reason. I've been trying to learn how can someone hurt a spouse like that and love them? He says over and over he has always wanted to grow old with me and never lost his attraction to me but he has been using porn for pleasure for over 20 years! Yuck. I used to think a little was ok but know it is very unhealthy and can turn into more than just that once you start desensitizing the emotions with sex. Anyway, Kolb's office took about 2 months. How long has it been since you have started trying to get insurance approval? That would be good to go through explantation together! Maybe get rooms closeby and cry to each other during recovery, I tend to blame my husband for everything all the time, so that would be good to have a diversion to that there in Atlanta after explantation. Az

From: mamacondon6@...Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2011 08:49:20 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

I'm so happy for you about your insurance!!!! Can I ask..how long did it take for Dr. Kolb's office to get back to you? I've been in touch w/ them and I don't want to be a pest, but I wonder if I need to keep after them..or are they still working on it? I really don't want to be a pain because I desperately need their help, but I also don't want them to forget about me.

Your success gives me hope both w/ Dr and your husband, I'm glad he is going to get help, maybe there is hope for mine too.

This is a good day..NY

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Wed, March 9, 2011 10:48:18 AMSubject: RE: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Thanks for being so forward and open from NY. I am going through an inferior complex worse than ever. First of all, I didn't think my husband used porn for pleasure as much has he did. I guess I blocked it out. Then I got a few yrs statements from a credit card. It was clear it was a sickness. I say "was" but really "is" but there is proof he did slow down to almost nothing after he got so bad he started talking about God all the time, and has been on that course for 3 yrs now. With him, and like many porn addicts, it progresses. It is because of the numbing of sex with human emotion it enables. Believe me, my husband shows no signs of being inappropriate with sex but he started going to massage parlors. He said he would never do those things and was in shock when he saw that he did that, he said he was in a fog and felt like that was not his reality and didn't know how it had gotten that bad. So, that is the desensitization aspect of it. He also thinks all the meds he was on was part of the numbing emotionally he felt. I kept telling him he needs to get straightened out naturally somehow. He seems like a loving caring family man, always wanting to be with family, but this happened to him. He starts therapy today. Oh, and I know these women you mentioned from Az seem happy because they look perfect.. but I was in a business similar but not as far as porn, I was an exotic dancer 20 yrs ago (rest assured I really changed and hate that lifestyle) and got all the attention, but I was a disaster in many ways. I was so so lost. I dropped out of college, did drugs, alcohol, many men etc. All I wanted was to get married and have a normal life but couldn't trust any man to do it with, then I met my husband and thought I could work on total recovery, and did great for many many years becoming very pro-active positively. Then went through a midlife crisis at 36 and got implants trying to salvage some body image positivity, but that was the final and last disasterous horrah, now this. OHHHHH, GREAT NEWS FINALLY. My insurance will pay half of the explantion with Kolb. I am so thankful their office worked on it to get it approved. I will have to wait to save and have to check and see how long the approval will be good for. We are in dire straights financially but this is a priority. I still can't believe what a mess my life has become. A HEARTFELT THANK YOU to those of you who kept mentioning Dr. Kolb during my fogginess and desperation! Penny, , and many others.

From: mamacondon6@...Date: Mon, 7 Mar 2011 16:57:44 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

AZ ,

Hi everyone..I was thinking about this porn thing..and I've never really been for it or against it, I never really thought about how harmful it is. My husband likes to watch it w/ me and I never minded much except now that I think about it,it makes me feel completely inferior!

These women,bless them, are perfect! Many times due to surgery of course, but otherwise , they are young ,thin, pretty, and always available.

You never see a woman that has stretchmarks or a flabby belly from childbirth! They don't have cellulite and saggy boobs from nursing.

They look fabulous all the time!!

I can't compete w/ that..not on my best day and it makes me feel really bad about myself.

I get pissed off that we look at that and in turn think bad things about our own images.

This is where the idea starts that we need to have perky boobs, tummy tucks and lipo...

I hate that my daughter will feel like she has to keep up this standard.

I hate myself for being so vain about my body, instead of embracing my mommy body.

I need to say good things to myself and other women in my life...like "what an amazing thing our bodies can do..grow and feed children!"

My stretch marks are who I am..My gooey belly is from 6 kids that grew inside me..my saggy boobs nourished those same 6 round faced babies and I should be proud not ashamed of my body. Yeah right!

It will take a long time before I believe any of that.And an even longer time before any man wants to see a body like mine on any porn!I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time, I wish I could do more then send you my own rant!

Still waiting on Dr.Kolb..keep praying.

You are beautiful. We all are ,just the way we are.

in NY

From: Inbody <inbo5599@...> Sent: Mon, March 7, 2011 5:03:39 PMSubject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

I had to share this since porn keeps coming up . . .

my ex husbands "free online porn" cost him $90 when he got a virus.

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Mon, March 7, 2011 2:56:07 PMSubject: RE: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Yep, around the time I got the implants my husband had given up on sleeping with me. So, I thought, well if he leaves me and it is because he doesn't like being with me, I will feel more confident for someone else! How sick. I am glad to see that our sharing our pain is helping someone from being in the same pain after implantation. NOW... on top of it all, I thought I had the money for explantation with my income tax refund but student loan took the whole 6k!! Yep, killing yourself is exactly it, your smart for learning from other peoples mistakes. Keep up the great work and be very very proud of yourself. My husband is starting a mens group for porn addicts soon, and has finally admitted to himself that he used porn to alleviate stress and like a drug. He said he'd push the issue back in his mind so he didn't have to really 'think' about how it was a problem. It is sad and scary to find out how screwed up your husband is. Life is so hard. And for those out there who think they do those things because we aren't good enough, sexy enough, pretty enough, etc.. for some nothing is enough when your an addict. We put some notification on the computer if someone opens up those sites now.

From: davidtehura@...Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2011 07:49:46 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

wow. is anyone getting my messages?i really relate to this. i have had a boyfreind who stopped sleeping with me and so i was considering IMPLANTS.my breasts are actually fine, but because irecently lost 25 pounds they are less full and kinda fallen SLIGHTLY.what i realized from rading your nte is this-my BF is ALSO A SEX ADDICT. and it is HIS bad behaviour that made me consider implants. thanks to reading all this I am not going to do it. My BREASTS have nothing to do with HIS PROBLEM. If I got implants it would be great for three weeks and then right back AND I WOULD BE KILLING MYSELF

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Fri, March 4, 2011 7:28:56 AMSubject: RE: Hi! New here and could really use some support from NY and all... Thanks for sharing the details about the kinds of things that are happening to you mentally. It is very lonely feeling like your losing it, and shameful to tell other people what we are going through because of a vane decision. I also have to stop and think through the confusion,,, what am I doing right now? Sometimes when my daughter is speaking to me and I am not even doing anything, I can't focus on what she is saying. My husband took a very long time to come around to believe the implants made me sick, but got onboard about 3 months ago, finally. I am finally realizing he has severe mental problems. I've been doing much online searching and he has an avoidance personality. Like, when he went to those 2 women for a "massage", his dad was dying and his mom was abusing him and didn't believe HE WAS SICK!!!! We didn't know he had a rare form of blood cancer and couldn't walk and they were living with us at the time and my husbands mom was telling her husband, my husbands father, he wasn't trying because he has a negative attitude. It was clear he was sick but she has this denial avoidance problem too!!!! Then she uses sugar to make her feel good. Sooo, I wallow in my sorrow but I don't use anything and I don't avoid or deny. So a lot of our men may be struggling mentally too. He is acting perfect right now and I'm glad for a little more peace in the surroundings, but I will work on trying to disconnect knowing he can leave me at any moment having these urges and he had a sex addiction he claims he cured when he realized how bad it got with going where he went. I don't wanna offend the others here if they don't wanna hear about spiritual life, but that is what got him under control. I believe this because the "charges stopped" on the credit card at the same point he started talking about going to church about 3 years ago. Then he started pushing to pray before dinner, buying crosses, joined a mens spiritual group and all the signs are there he tried. But the hurt and lack of trust that his troubled mind can go where it did is sickening. Is anyone else going through these things? I am guessing since we made the decision we did to get implants, some of us may have struggled with wanting to increase pleasure... try to fulfill more sexual desires.. try to please ourselves and husbands with our looks... I know I was very much like that. I realize I started this mentality when I was a teenager. I want to be a different person than that. I just want a clear clean conscience. I hope everyone is doing ok today, I wish we could get together also. Hey,,, do the people in Arizona wanna meet for coffee sometime? I have all day and I can drive anywhere... from Az

From: mamacondon6@...Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2011 05:06:34 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

,

I'm so sorry you have to have all these bad things happening at once. It sounds like you could really use a break, I wish I could be there physically for you, I would be happy to help in any way I can! It's impossible to go through everyday sick, let alone deal w/ huge life "stuff" on top of it.

I'm sorry your husband is not supportive right now, and I know how much worrying about our children can drain us, even on good days.

In the brain department, I too, have scary moments. I had a time when I was driving on a two lane country highway and I completely forgot which side of the road I was supposed to be on..it was terrifying..I had my kids in the car and I have been driving for 20+ years! I had to pull over. I waited until another car went past me so I could figure it out.I felt so confused ,like I was loosing my mind. At work they tease me ,because I forget everything, I read something and I can't retain any of it.

I truly feel like I'm unbalanced in my brain sometimes, it scares me. And now I can't talk to my husband about that because he thinks I need serious meds! Or to get put away, "until I'm better".

But when I mention that I think explant surgery will make me better ,he discounts it. I want to scream at him, I feel so trapped, because I need him to help me, but I just want to find someone who will care for me and about me.

Remember there is a physical reason we feel this way.the poison in our chests!Right now it feels like we are in an impossible place..but there is hope..Dr. Kolb, I have not heard back either about insurance....we will get better, we will be our old selves again....we will look back on this time and know it made us stronger and smarter!

Maybe Dr. Kolb will give us a two for one deal if we get it done together!!!hahah

I wish I could help you in AZ, keep typing, everyone here knows what your going through, in every aspect.

Feel my prayers, hugs and support today...good days are ahead.

in NY

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Thu, March 3, 2011 11:59:25 PMSubject: RE: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Hi from NY... and all I am really struggling mentally along with everything else. So, I was wondering if you could elaborate on how you are experiencing this. For instance, in my situation, I am having a hard time just thinking clearly, with memory problems, scattered thoughts, confused, hard time concentrating, obsessions, a feeling of loss of control of my life, and a serious feeling of dread. Then the anxiety and fear that I am losing my mind forever comes over me. Sometimes I can't even complete a sentence, like I forget what my point was and don't know how to finish what I'm saying. I sound mentally retarded, then I get angry over it. Sometimes, I wish I could be locked up away from any responsibility of anything so I won't get confused so much. Why would your husband think the answer was putting you in a mental hospital??????? To try to get you stabilized? How sad, ,, and it is poison that is causing it all. And I am not retaining information, especially directions way worse than before the implants. When someone is talking to me I actually blank out for a while and then come to and wonder what they were saying. It's BAD. So, I need to rest from all the struggling mentally and try to just go to sleep and hope to wake up more alive feeling. Sometimes sleep helps. Kolb's office didn't get back yet as to if they got an answer from insurance for explant....and I just moved and found out my husband has been addicted to porn most of our marriage... and even went to asian massage parlors. I just want to die. Ahhh... no wonder he pushed for boobs and I was so weak. I don't feel I can take care of myself and told him that if it is just ok that I just use to be a dad and pay the bills because I'm desperate he can stay around. And that we can have like a business relationship but our marriage bond is broken and over but for my daughter.... we can wait till shes older to make it final because she has been through so much sadness and loss in her life already and she is 13. How sad and dysfunctional. He wants to stay and says he's getting help but I no longer have him for my emotional needs because I am protecting myself. And I thought I had a good guy the last 17 years. from Az

From: mamacondon6@...Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2011 19:42:18 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Sunny, I am so glad to know that others have experienced the same things....it got so bad recently that my husband thought it would be a good idea if I went away to a hospital in Utah for mentally ill people..in a lock up type facility for at least 30 days...away from my kids ,my life, my work..he almost had me convinced ,along w/ a "helpful" third party, who both kept telling me that I needed to be put away.

This was my moment, I don't know where it came from, because I've been trying for years to figure out why I'm sick...but I had my ah ha moment and I just kept saying "there is a physical reason for my depression, anxiety, brain fog...etc." They were making the arrangements for me to go when out of no where, I got the idea that it could be my implants!

I prayed to God to help me and He listened, the answer came that day....I can't explain it....but I do believe it.

You guys are the best,I won't stop saying it....hopefully, someday I will be able to type a success story here and be helpful to someone else, who is in the same dark place I am now.

I know brighter days are ahead, thanks for carrying me to them...I will promise to repay that kindness. in NY

From: Sun Lee <sunloves@...> Sent: Thu, March 3, 2011 1:14:23 PMSubject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

,

Don't count on men or anyone to understand your situation. Only the women who has gotten sick from the implant will know what we are talking about. You just have to do what it takes to get your health back and help yourself. When I got sick and I researched and determined that it was due to my implants, I discussed this with my boyfriend and he refused to believe me. He kept on saying that I should go to the doctors...I went to so many different doctors and none of them was able to help...and he still said there must be some doctor that could help. Even to this date he keeps saying that implants are safe, approved by FDS after so much research, etc. and that so many women are getting them without problems. He said his ex had it and never got sick from it. He said I must be going through menopause and finally he said it must be mental/psychological. We got into fight everytime we talked about implants so I finally decided not to mention anything about implant to him.

You can vent your frustrations on us because we know exactly what you're going through and every one of us are angry at what has happened...

Thanks

Sunny

From: Condon <mamacondon6@...> Sent: Thu, March 3, 2011 5:16:35 AMSubject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

,

I just feel so disappointed by his behavior, like why can't he just give me the same simple words of encouragement that are so easy for others? Why can't he just share in excitement at finally finding out what's wrong w/ me? Why can't he just tell me it's going to be alright? Sorry ,I just don't understand ,after 20 years of marriage and six kids, what went so wrong? I think this being sick, just takes normal married life ups-n-downs and makes them 100 times worseI'm having a bad week I guess, and it makes me angry because I am elated that I have discovered the cause of my troubles, this is cause for celebration and dancing! And I'm letting his piss poor attitude ruin it for me.

Okay so the beginning of this email was all negative....after venting..thank you very much...I'm feeling better already and will be positive today.

We can do it together..I never want to bring anyone else down.....happiness...it comes from within.

Bless this site, and it's people...it came to me just in the nick of time.

Thank you for listening, in NY

From: Inbody <inbo5599@...> Sent: Wed, March 2, 2011 8:45:26 PMSubject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Hi ,

Hang in there. My ex was really rude too. He was great if I was healthy but as soon as I got sick it was like "sucks to be you, see ya". I always thought that if you married somebody it was in sickness and health but . . . apparently that's not the case. Oh . . . forgot to mention . . . he loved the implants and was great in the beginning - loved all the looks his wife got etc. but as soon as I got sick . . . you know the rest. Anyway take care, you're not alone, glad you found us, we're here for you, hugs,

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Tue, March 1, 2011 11:06:20 PMSubject: RE: Hi! New here and could really use some support Hey Margie, I'm in Phoenix also and these implants ruined my life, health, and marriage. I resent my ignorant immoral husband and can't get over it. Then he refused to believe my implants were the cause of my health problems. He is worthless to me and I am stuck, so sick. Anyway, I have been on an explant consult with Hiatt, Leighton, and am now waiting to see whether Kolb in Atlanta can get my insurance to pay for some of the explant. What I have been through has made me hate men and this wicked society. I never would have done it if I wouldn't have been weak and my husband mentioned them but never took the time to look up possible consequences. I guess I was just as wicked focusing too much on looks. I am completely isolated and in a fog all the time, hating life, so I understand needing support. I am also deathly afraid of dying from complications from surgery, ironically. I am so sorry about your mom. Ohhh, I am unable to lose weight and have gained and a lot of days I don't even try to look good. I'm an absolute mess. I don't even want to lose weight because men look then. Sorry for the men bashing.........

From: massageequines@...Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2011 20:00:22 -0800Subject: Re: Hi! New here and could really use some support

Did you have them put in in Phoenix? Just curious. I used Chasby Sacks in Phoenix 20 years ago and have hated him since. He lied, did a crap job and basically poisoned me.The main thing is to take your time to find a good surgeon to take them out, research, do your due diligence and start preparing your body, mind and soul for what you are doing. The healthier you get yourself before a surgery, the better....

Barbara, Winston & Yogi"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated" GandhiPeace & Kindness in 2011In loving memory of TIRAWA

From: wittahatchit <wittahatchit@...>Subject: Hi! New here and could really use some support Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2011, 12:46 PM

My name is Margie from Phoenix, AZ. I got my implants in 1999 and I've been in a slow decline with my health for the past few years. I feel poisoned. The worst part is that my fiance doesn't even know that I have them, I have gained weight since I got them and they are barely able to even be felt. I have a sad story about how and why I got them and a long list of health ailments as well, far too many for a 32 year old and so far no diagnosis. I'd like to get my implants taken out but don't have the money and have a HUGE fear of surgery. (My mother died a few years ago from surgery complications) But for now I'll start with hello and I'm so glad to meet all of you!

March 12, 2011

Thank you for sharing about the babies you lost. My heart goes out to you for what you went through.I cant image it, it was hard enough to think about loosing my son, but thank God he made it.

You are even more incredible then I thought, I'm sorry about your babies.My son was 18 months old when he unexpectedly developed s Syndrome, a rare allergic reaction to Amoxicillon, that is like being burned alive.

His skin began to blister and burn from the inside out.

The Dr at the er said it was just a normal rash and we should take him home and finish antibiotics.

I knew something was very wrong...the pediatrician recognized it as SJS, and said it couldn't be stopped and most kids die from it because of how badly "burned" they become and infections.

He stayed at the hospital for three days.Thank God we didn't listen to the first Dr or he would have definitely died.

A police officer in the next town over had same thing and lost his ears, nose, fingers,eyelids and lips.

If you go on Internet the pictures are bad.

There is no treatment you can only wait and see.

He was very blessed to live and we thought he would have to go thru skin grafting for his burns but he was so young that it all healed. It took months but it did.

What about your babies? I don't know anything about the disease they had...That has to be the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.....I dont know what else to say..if you don't want to discuss it I understand, you can always email me direct at mamacondon6@...

Thank you for being a friend to me. I really need one.

My husband chose tonight to tell me he wants a divorce...I don't know if I can do this

My heart is broken and I'm sick and now so very on my own.

This is all just to much today..I don't know what to do.

Thank you for sharing and always listening and offering encouragement.

God Bless you all

in NY

From: Lengyel <tracylengyel@...> Sent: Fri, March 11, 2011 1:28:21 AMSubject: RE: husband support explant- NY and all

I am very serious about being explant buddies from NY. Hey, if anyone else would like to come along give a shout out. This is very scary and we need all the support we can get. I don't know if you should call Kolbs office, I didn't just because I am too out of it to look up her number or remember who to ask for... every little thing seems so overwhelming. My husband did send several pics of me right after implant where I looked good and healthy and now 4 yrs after implant where I look much older and sick. They notated how my one implant is laying on skin and causing much pain. They wanted a picture of it but you can't see the redness there in a picture. I'm not even sure how they got it covered, but plastic surgery complications is covered in my insurance surprisingly. I felt so defeated in getting it covered

after Dr. Hiatts office here said what I expected "plastic surgery is not covered under insurance" and then I explained how I am sick and she denied it was because of implants. They are stupid. I wanna call back and tell them they didn't even try and missed out on thousands of dollars because if Hiatt wasn't an arrogant blaa and his insurance lady wasn''t an ignorant blaa I woulda went there. But, my bad experiences here with my consults led me to the right person it seems, Kolb. My husband also went through periods where I was like "do I even know him?" or "how did he become such an ignorant a buncha bad words" and when it gets so bad I want a divorce, he switches and humbles himself and professes his love. He got off all of his meds and he seems more with it now though. He said he felt "snowed" before. Is your husband on meds? Just an

idea. Or, perhaps he needs counseling for his avoidance personality. Why is he like that I wonder? Sometimes people just need a good healthy cry instead of running from pain. I'm sorry,,, I feel alone also glad we found each other. As bad as I am after surgery usually, I will have to have him come, but I'm wondering if I'll feel better instantly with all the weight off my chest suffocating me etc. And, I had 2 babies with a rare genetic disorder, mitochondrial disease and they died. If your up to it, I'd like to hear more about your story with the sick baby. What happened? What was the disorder? I also think I was using obsession with looks with the boobs...etc.. as a drug. We have learned a lot the HARD WAY. I'm just so sick of this all. I have to see how long my insurance approval for explantation is for...

we still have to save up. Are you ready to go financially? Az