Re: Digest Number 1700

[Guest guest]

Just a note on the recent thread about regaining. FIRST.. I definitely

don't think it should be taken elsewhere. I realize I am new to this list,

but this is why I joined. To know what life is like for a large percentage

of long term post ops.

I find myself lately really feeling " FAT " . I have lost 212.. gained back

about 10 during the month of my wedding.. mostly I feel from lack of being

able to excercise due to TT in July to then not having time during the

wedding.. working on getting back to the gym and from eating carbs due to

stress. I find myself more and more reaching for carbs. It is harder now

to resist them. I do still dump on really sugary foods and high fat foods.

I feel my diet is much better than it was. Regular Dr. Peppers are my enemy

as I find it hard to resist them. I have much more control than preop, but

I know I have to get control of these potentially harmful habits. I feel

great. I look better than I have in years. But I want to lose 50 more lbs.

I have lost more than the average for WLS. I had RNY 19 months ago. 4

months ago I was still saying " If I didn't lose another pound I'd be happy "

and I meant it. Today I still say that to people who ask me about my

surgery, but I am meaning it less and less. This is the closest to be

" normal " I've been since High School.. it feels great to walk into a store

and by normal size clothes. BUT part of me so wants to be smaller. It's

sort of like being really close to the finish line.. feeling great that I

made it to this point in the race, but that carrott is still dangling there

out of reach. Will I regret doing this if I don't make it to 150 lbs.. NO..

will I be dissappointed.. slightly. My life is so much more improved and no

one stares at me any longer. I have to deal with picking up these old

habits. Every day is a reminder to NOT fall back into old habits. Every

day is a reminder that this is a TOOL. I knew that preop. I never thought

of it as a miracle. I fear that I will gain more I think we all have had

that fear all along. I like to tell myself I'll never weigh 400 lbs again

and I believe that I won't. I beleive that I won't let myself. BUT the

reality is that for some people it's more than just telling themselves this.

It happens. My heart goes out to each of you in that situation. I think

we all know how that must feel having it happened in our past. I don't

think people really mean to be so " attacking " ... I think they are just

trying to help in their own way. LASTLY.. no one and I do mean NO ONE has a

right to tell any of us what size we should SETTLE for. No one knows what's

best for us except US. It's a personal battle that we all have in common.

Again I think everyone means well.. and do not mean to sound uncaring to

your struggle.

I value the information I am gaining from this list. It gives me motivation

to take control. It also reminds me of what could happen and what to watch

out for.

HUGS

Ginger

Austin, TX

Open RNY 3/05/01 -212 lbs

gained 10 lbs

TT 7/12/02

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