Re: I am sorry for myself today.

May 26, 2002

Oh Darlin, hang in there. I had a good day and am

sending you a giant hug. People do bounce back even when everyone

has given up. all you can do is make very sure they know where to

find you when they come round. Meanwhile keep yourself as wel and

happy as possible, in spite of all the madness. A bath, a garden,

anything that brings joy into your life, to offset the soul sucking

problems that surround you.

My son is coming round, and the 'experts' thought he would never do

that. Last sunday he made me dinner. Two months ago I kept

thinking I'd be planning his funeral any day now. All things are

possible. The bubble baths and gardening really worked for

me.

At Sunday 5/26/02 03:09 AM, you wrote:

As the subject says, today is not a

good day. When I look back to this

time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a

family.

NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is

not

dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just

sits

in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can

lift

him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help

but

nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong

character and

it is so hard to see him this way.

Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they

have

a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated

to

drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice

in the last 3

weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place

of

safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is

no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3

months they are going to

try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's

b******s it

would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see

great

things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not

look

so good.

These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot

belive our

wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have

to

face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with

help of

a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so

good.

Thank you for 'listening'

JILL

If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

shydrager-unsubscribe

May 26, 2002

Oh Darlin, hang in there. I had a good day and am

sending you a giant hug. People do bounce back even when everyone

has given up. all you can do is make very sure they know where to

find you when they come round. Meanwhile keep yourself as wel and

happy as possible, in spite of all the madness. A bath, a garden,

anything that brings joy into your life, to offset the soul sucking

problems that surround you.

My son is coming round, and the 'experts' thought he would never do

that. Last sunday he made me dinner. Two months ago I kept

thinking I'd be planning his funeral any day now. All things are

possible. The bubble baths and gardening really worked for

me.

At Sunday 5/26/02 03:09 AM, you wrote:

As the subject says, today is not a

good day. When I look back to this

time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a

family.

NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is

not

dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just

sits

in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can

lift

him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help

but

nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong

character and

it is so hard to see him this way.

Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they

have

a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated

to

drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice

in the last 3

weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place

of

safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is

no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3

months they are going to

try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's

b******s it

would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see

great

things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not

look

so good.

These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot

belive our

wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have

to

face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with

help of

a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so

good.

Thank you for 'listening'

JILL

If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

shydrager-unsubscribe

May 26, 2002

Oh Darlin, hang in there. I had a good day and am

sending you a giant hug. People do bounce back even when everyone

has given up. all you can do is make very sure they know where to

find you when they come round. Meanwhile keep yourself as wel and

happy as possible, in spite of all the madness. A bath, a garden,

anything that brings joy into your life, to offset the soul sucking

problems that surround you.

My son is coming round, and the 'experts' thought he would never do

that. Last sunday he made me dinner. Two months ago I kept

thinking I'd be planning his funeral any day now. All things are

possible. The bubble baths and gardening really worked for

me.

At Sunday 5/26/02 03:09 AM, you wrote:

As the subject says, today is not a

good day. When I look back to this

time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a

family.

NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is

not

dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just

sits

in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can

lift

him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help

but

nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong

character and

it is so hard to see him this way.

Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they

have

a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated

to

drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice

in the last 3

weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place

of

safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is

no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3

months they are going to

try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's

b******s it

would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see

great

things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not

look

so good.

These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot

belive our

wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have

to

face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with

help of

a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so

good.

Thank you for 'listening'

JILL

If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

shydrager-unsubscribe

May 26, 2002

Cheer up Jill, we will have a talk about it tonight on the chat. We are willing to listen to you life. And give you strength to cope.

Timo

> As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to this > time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a > family.> > NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is not > dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just sits > in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can lift > him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help but > nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong character and > it is so hard to see him this way.> > Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they have > a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son> Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated to > drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the last 3 > weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place of > safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is > no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3 > months they are going to> try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's b******s it > would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but> he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.> > My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see great > things for her, but now with her dad and her brother> in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not look > so good.> > These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot belive our > wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.> We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have to > face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with help of > a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so good.> > Thank you for 'listening'> > JILL> > If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may > unsubscribe by sending a blank email to > > shydrager-unsubscribe > > > > >

May 26, 2002

Cheer up Jill, we will have a talk about it tonight on the chat. We are willing to listen to you life. And give you strength to cope.

Timo

> As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to this > time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a > family.> > NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is not > dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just sits > in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can lift > him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help but > nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong character and > it is so hard to see him this way.> > Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they have > a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son> Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated to > drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the last 3 > weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place of > safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is > no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3 > months they are going to> try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's b******s it > would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but> he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.> > My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see great > things for her, but now with her dad and her brother> in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not look > so good.> > These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot belive our > wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.> We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have to > face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with help of > a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so good.> > Thank you for 'listening'> > JILL> > If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may > unsubscribe by sending a blank email to > > shydrager-unsubscribe > > > > >

May 26, 2002

I see it is 3am in the morning for you. Thank you and Timo for your lovely

words, just knowing someone is there helps alot. I will be on the chat

tonight - all being well with my men -

JILL

Re: I am sorry for myself today.

Oh Darlin, hang in there. I had a good day and am sending you a giant

hug. People do bounce back even when everyone has given up. all you can

do is make very sure they know where to find you when they come

round. Meanwhile keep yourself as wel and happy as possible, in spite of

all the madness. A bath, a garden, anything that brings joy into your life,

to offset the soul sucking problems that surround you.

My son is coming round, and the 'experts' thought he would never do

that. Last sunday he made me dinner. Two months ago I kept thinking I'd

be planning his funeral any day now. All things are possible. The bubble

baths and gardening really worked for me.

At Sunday 5/26/02 03:09 AM, you wrote:

>As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to this

>time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a

>family.

>

>NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is not

>dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just sits

>in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can lift

>him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help but

>nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong character and

>it is so hard to see him this way.

>

>Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they have

>a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

>Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated to

>drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the last 3

>weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place of

>safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is

>no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3

>months they are going to

>try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's b******s it

>would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

>he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

>

>My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see great

>things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

>in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not

look

>so good.

>

>These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot belive our

>wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

>We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have

to

>face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with help of

>a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so good.

>

>Thank you for 'listening'

>

>JILL

>

>If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

>unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

>shydrager-unsubscribe

>

May 26, 2002

I see it is 3am in the morning for you. Thank you and Timo for your lovely

words, just knowing someone is there helps alot. I will be on the chat

tonight - all being well with my men -

JILL

Re: I am sorry for myself today.

Oh Darlin, hang in there. I had a good day and am sending you a giant

hug. People do bounce back even when everyone has given up. all you can

do is make very sure they know where to find you when they come

round. Meanwhile keep yourself as wel and happy as possible, in spite of

all the madness. A bath, a garden, anything that brings joy into your life,

to offset the soul sucking problems that surround you.

My son is coming round, and the 'experts' thought he would never do

that. Last sunday he made me dinner. Two months ago I kept thinking I'd

be planning his funeral any day now. All things are possible. The bubble

baths and gardening really worked for me.

At Sunday 5/26/02 03:09 AM, you wrote:

>As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to this

>time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a

>family.

>

>NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is not

>dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just sits

>in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can lift

>him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help but

>nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong character and

>it is so hard to see him this way.

>

>Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they have

>a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

>Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated to

>drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the last 3

>weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place of

>safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is

>no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3

>months they are going to

>try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's b******s it

>would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

>he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

>

>My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see great

>things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

>in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not

look

>so good.

>

>These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot belive our

>wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

>We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have

to

>face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with help of

>a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so good.

>

>Thank you for 'listening'

>

>JILL

>

>If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

>unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

>shydrager-unsubscribe

>

May 26, 2002

I see it is 3am in the morning for you. Thank you and Timo for your lovely

words, just knowing someone is there helps alot. I will be on the chat

tonight - all being well with my men -

JILL

Re: I am sorry for myself today.

Oh Darlin, hang in there. I had a good day and am sending you a giant

hug. People do bounce back even when everyone has given up. all you can

do is make very sure they know where to find you when they come

round. Meanwhile keep yourself as wel and happy as possible, in spite of

all the madness. A bath, a garden, anything that brings joy into your life,

to offset the soul sucking problems that surround you.

My son is coming round, and the 'experts' thought he would never do

that. Last sunday he made me dinner. Two months ago I kept thinking I'd

be planning his funeral any day now. All things are possible. The bubble

baths and gardening really worked for me.

At Sunday 5/26/02 03:09 AM, you wrote:

>As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to this

>time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as a

>family.

>

>NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is not

>dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and just sits

>in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest can lift

>him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help but

>nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong character and

>it is so hard to see him this way.

>

>Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January, they have

>a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

>Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated to

>drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the last 3

>weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place of

>safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as there is

>no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about 3

>months they are going to

>try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's b******s it

>would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

>he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

>

>My daughter was doing so well at University and they could see great

>things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

>in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does not

look

>so good.

>

>These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot belive our

>wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

>We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE have

to

>face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with help of

>a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so good.

>

>Thank you for 'listening'

>

>JILL

>

>If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

>unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

>shydrager-unsubscribe

>

May 26, 2002

Dear Sweet Jill,

I am so sorry that you have all this going on with you right now. I

am glad that you shared with us. We want to be there for you. I am

glad that you will be there at chat. It helps to have someone just

listen to you. We might not know the answers but we can listen and

give you the support that you need right now. You are such a lovely

lady and I have enjoyed talking with you at chat.

lots of love and gentle hugs,

Belinda

>

> As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to

this

> time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as

a

> family.

>

> NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is

not

> dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and

just sits

> in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest

can lift

> him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help

but

> nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong

character and

> it is so hard to see him this way.

>

> Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January,

they have

> a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

> Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated

to

> drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the

last 3

> weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place

of

> safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as

there is

> no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about

3

> months they are going to

> try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's

b******s it

> would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

> he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

>

> My daughter was doing so well at University and they could

see great

> things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

> in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does

not look

> so good.

>

> These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot

belive our

> wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

> We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE

have to

> face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with

help of

> a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so

good.

>

> Thank you for 'listening'

>

> JILL

May 26, 2002

Dear Sweet Jill,

I am so sorry that you have all this going on with you right now. I

am glad that you shared with us. We want to be there for you. I am

glad that you will be there at chat. It helps to have someone just

listen to you. We might not know the answers but we can listen and

give you the support that you need right now. You are such a lovely

lady and I have enjoyed talking with you at chat.

lots of love and gentle hugs,

Belinda

>

> As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to

this

> time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as

a

> family.

>

> NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is

not

> dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and

just sits

> in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest

can lift

> him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help

but

> nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong

character and

> it is so hard to see him this way.

>

> Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January,

they have

> a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

> Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated

to

> drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the

last 3

> weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place

of

> safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as

there is

> no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about

3

> months they are going to

> try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's

b******s it

> would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

> he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

>

> My daughter was doing so well at University and they could

see great

> things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

> in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does

not look

> so good.

>

> These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot

belive our

> wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

> We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE

have to

> face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with

help of

> a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so

good.

>

> Thank you for 'listening'

>

> JILL

May 26, 2002

Dear Sweet Jill,

I am so sorry that you have all this going on with you right now. I

am glad that you shared with us. We want to be there for you. I am

glad that you will be there at chat. It helps to have someone just

listen to you. We might not know the answers but we can listen and

give you the support that you need right now. You are such a lovely

lady and I have enjoyed talking with you at chat.

lots of love and gentle hugs,

Belinda

>

> As the subject says, today is not a good day. When I look back to

this

> time last year everying was so good. Nothing could hold us back as

a

> family.

>

> NOW. was dx with MSA last 0ctober, as as you may recall he is

not

> dealing at all well with the situation and is very depressed and

just sits

> in his chair all day, crying alot. Nothing we can do or suggest

can lift

> him. He is on anti depressants and we have a psychiatrist to help

but

> nothing seems to get through to him. He was always a strong

character and

> it is so hard to see him this way.

>

> Our wonderful son (28) split from his partner in January,

they have

> a lovely home which he rebuilt, and a gorgeous son

> Jack who is 4. found the breakup so painful that he strated

to

> drink heavily, He is now in a terrible mess. and twice in the

last 3

> weeks he has tried to take his life. He is now in a hospital place

of

> safety where they are going to help his severe depression and as

there is

> no places available in a detox centre (they are few here) for about

3

> months they are going to

> try and detiox him in the hospital. If he was one of life's

b******s it

> would be so easy to let him get on and self destruct but

> he is a lovely guy who is worth saving.

>

> My daughter was doing so well at University and they could

see great

> things for her, but now with her dad and her brother

> in trouble her work has suffered so badly that her future now does

not look

> so good.

>

> These are the reasons I feel sorry for myself today. I cannot

belive our

> wonderful life has changed so much for the worse.

> We have great support from our doctor, but at the end of the day WE

have to

> face these battles as a family. Most day I am ok I can cope (with

help of

> a little pill - which just lifts my anxiety) but today I am not so

good.

>

> Thank you for 'listening'

>

> JILL

May 26, 2002

Jill, I think we all know how this disease turns everyone's life around. I

had a terrific life up until the day my mother Joyce (71, died 11/5/00)

called to say she had Parkinson's (which later turned out to be MSA)--the

world as I knew it was gone. My mother was the one who set the tone--she was

very upbeat and redefined her standard of normal throughout the tough

journey. Without her lead, I don't know what we would have done.

I am glad to hear that is on medication for the depression. What I

wondering is whether it would be helpful for him to attend a support group

(even for PD, as my mother did if there is not an MSA group in the area).

Maybe seeing and talking to others in a similar situation will help.

I am sorry about your son. I hope that works out. It must be heartbreaking.

I don't know why it has to be this hard. Good luck and stay tuned, Debbie

-

May 26, 2002

Jill,

Sometimes, it helps to talk or just say the things that bother you. I hope

that you have some relief just by writing your message, even if we had not

read it. I am good about telling you that message, but not always good

about doing so myself.

It certainly sounds as though you have every right to feel sorry for your

self. Life can be so hard. It sounds as though your son may be getting

treatment that he needs. Maybe the strength of your family now could come

from your daughter and her abilities in the university. Maybe the family

could try to concentrate on that possibility as a way to see some sunshine.

My husband aso has MSA/SDS and is in sad shape. He is in a power wheel

chair and can only be moved from that chair to the bed with a lift that is

anchored in the ceiling of our home. When Speedy was first diagnosed, he

had been very atheletic right up until the time that we finally had to find

out what was going on in his life. At first (following the diagnosis) he

was very concerned that he would not live until the end of that year, but he

has lived and has had some happy times, even though he is very

incapacitated.

He has been ill, at least since the 1980's with a MSA/SDS diagnosis in 1998.

We began with sleep disorders, impotency, bladder and colon problems,

Reynauld's symdrome, rigid muscles, lack of balance, hard/hard falls, and of

course those crazy changes in blood pressure. I can not tell you how many

times we have had to use the emergency crew in our home to get him out of

the floor or the shower. On many occasions, he was injured enough that he

was transported by ambulance to the local hospital for treatment. I could

go on and on.

Through all of that, he is still alive and enjoying many days (not all). We

do have days when we both are down. I probably am more so than he. He is

handling this incapactation much in the way that he handled most of his

earlier life. he alwasys felt that we shoudl just get busy and get the job

done...what ever it was. We have just held a 70th birthday party for him.

300-400 people attend,each bringing some written fun story about his life.

I hope this message will give you and your husband some glimmer of hope.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Marilyn in TN

May 29, 2002

Jill,

The fact of going to college alone can be stressful for some young

adults especially if they are stressed out about the idea that their

sucess and future happyness is tied significantly to their

performance in college. It can be a circular thing that snowballs,

because if you are stressed out, then your performance is going to be

degraded, and vice-versa. A lot of sucessful happy people don't have

perfect records in college and indeed many don't even have college

degrees. Many young people go to college and wind up just wasting

their time and money.. I know that for many people, the best time to

go to college is when their life is a little more stable, and/or they

are a little more mature. I would highly recommend for anyone to

ditch college for a year and go and get a job in a medium to large

company (1000 or more employees) in say.. the service sector.. Trust

me, after you do that, any fears of failure or inadequeacy just fly

right out the window, but you will perhaps acquire some new fears

about wondering how the country even runs at all.. :-) But a nice

benefit too is that you learn a lot you won't learn in college, and

it gives perhaps a real-world context that could be useful in guiding

someone in their college career, instead of the more abstract

theories about how life works and what one's role in it is --

theories that middle class america proposes for it's children,

theories that are sometimes a generation old and sometimes distorted

to begin with. So anyway, that's just my general advice for young

people going to college. I hope that helps in some way? I dunno.

You said your husband is feeling quite depressed. I dunno what to

suggest for that, except I would suggest for him perhaps watching a

really depressing movie or reading a really depressing book. Life is

depressing, in some ways. The human condition has so much suffering

in it. The only thing that makes life worth living, I think, is

one's love for other people. It is this abstract connection to the

world that is the most important, in my mind, and it is only an

abstract connection that can be indefatiguable and invulnerable.

We're all going to die some day -- how we die and how we live is not

always under our control or the control of others. What matters for

me anyway, is that there be that abstract connection between myself

and the rest of humanity - that abstract connection being the *only*

thing that has the potential for being larger than life, for somehow

having *more* meaning than my mere individual mortal life has, yet at

the same time allowing me to be a part of that meaning. So by

reading about or viewing a movie about the human condition, in any of

it's many miserable or even joyous permutations, we give ourselves

that connection to the rest of humanity that elevates simultaneously

us and all of humanity and specific people above the meaninglessness

and irrelevence of our present physical individual condition.

Off the top of my head, on my list of depressing movies and books, I have..

Pink Floyd: " The Wall " (the motion picture)

All Quiet On The Western Front (this book was made into a movie of course)

Hey, even the Diary of Ann fits in this general category, but I

haven't read it, except for the abstracts that they make you read in

high school of course.

La Condition Humaine ( " The Human Condition " ) by Andre Malraux,

doubtlessly this has been translated into English.

http://www.xenopink.com/elliot/01.html

L'écume des Jours, by Boris Vian. I don't know if this has been

translated into English or not. It's a really abstract book that's

like one continious LSD trip, it's a book written in the language of

emotions, and colors, and sensations, basically.. would be my

description. It's got to be the greatest love story ever written.

It's really happy and at the same time really depressing. The author

had a fairly depressing life, if you check out his biography you'll

see what I mean. http://www.xenopink.com/elliot/02.html

Well I hope this helps. It's all just my opinion about things so it

may or may not help! :-) So if I seem a little happy-go-lucky, or I

seem to take things really lightly, I don't mean to diminish in any

way the significant tradgedy that MSA is... it's just that I might be

insane to never get depressed, or sometimes I say I'm just too

masicistic to get depressed by life, who knows what it is. So that's

all just my take on things.

-Elliot

--

Elliot

elliot01@...

www.xenopink.com/elliot

May 29, 2002