Re: Send your good thoughts

[Guest guest]

Helene honey - there are tears in my eyes! I hope that this wonderful family

we are all a part of here on line can help you through this really tough

time. Loosing your Mom is a really hard thing - I know because it happened

to me too. She left us 6 years ago and suddenly too. We weren't prepared

either. I wish she got to see me now, but somehow I think she does. Like

everyone says, this was not " Brain " surgery and we are who we are. So what -

you fell off the wagon. You will get back on track - you already have gotten

back up by writing this E-mail. You have come too far to go back now and the

best part about life is that everyday is a new chance to change things. It's

up to us whether is going to be for the good or bad! Hang in there and be

strong for her!

Good Luck!

Doreen in Somerset

Surgery: Oct. 10, 2001

Lap - Dr. Andrei

Lost to date: 121 Pounds!

[Guest guest]

Helene,

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I know she was very special to

you and your heart is broken. It doesn't make it any better right now, but

you know it will get easier with time.

As for your coping - lighten up on yourself! The last thing you need right

now is to heap a bunch of guilt on top of that grief. I may be totally

wrong about this, but I think we beat ourselves up too much for emotional

eating. Yes, it's what got most of us MO in the first place, but I think

it is only dangerous when you find yourself binge eating as a normal

everyday part of your life. What you are going through right now is not

the norm for you. I'm not saying you should throw in the towel and go nuts

with your eating, but you know the pain will ease eventually and so will

the emotional eating. I would keep an eye on the scale, but try not to be

too hard on yourself right now. Give yourself time to heal.

FWIW,

At 07:39 AM 10/23/02 -0400, hwd112 wrote:

>I need to come clean to about what's been going on with me, food

>wise. I'm hoping that, as in the past, posting here to friends who

>understand will help get me back on track:

>

>My mother died 30 days ago. We were very, very close and it was very

>sudden (we only had 24 hours with her after diagnosis). At the same time,

>my father is very sick, withering away in a nursing home, in and out of

>the hospital. I have been numb. For the first two weeks, despite a

>non-stop deli food, cookies and cakes sent to the house, I could hardly

>eat, and lost a few pounds. But then, my usual coping patters emerged -

>I've been eating non-stop, bingeing, sneaking food. I've been in awe of

>how much I can eat at one time (two bagels!!). Yesterday, I almost threw

>up at work. Traditionally, eating like this is my way comforting myself,

>of feeling in control in an overwhelming situation.

>

>I miss my mother so much. We're a very close family, and we spoke twice a

>day. She was so happy and proud of my weight lose, and even though she

>was petite (she shrunk from 5'2 " to barely 4'9 " as she aged), for the past

>year we were wearing the same size clothes, and she loved that.

>

>So, I don't want to gain weight, for me and for her. Today, I'm taking

>off from work, and will make my first trip to the cemetery. I'm hoping

>that will give me some peace, and that I can symbolically put an end to

>this first 30 days of mourning and get myself together and back to eating

>healthy and taking care of myself.

>

>There, I've said it. That's my plan for today. I needed to put it in

>writing. Somehow, if feels like more of a commitment this way.

>

>Helene

>RNY 12/22/99

>350/170/who knows???

>

>

>

>Homepage: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG

>

>Unsubscribe: mailto:Graduate-OSSG-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Helene,

I am so sorry for your grief.

May I offer this thought: when my father died in 1984, all of a

sudden I felt " uncovered. " As long as he was alive, I was " covered "

in the sense that I would not die, because, after all, fathers are

supposed to die before sons. My mother died before my father, so I

do not know if I would have felt the same way, had she been the

surviving parent. Sounds irrational, I know, but that's where I was

in thinking about Dad. So, when he died, I no longer had the comfort

of that (irrational) protective presence. And, I have felt much more

vulnerable ever since.

I do not know if women experience similar feelings relative to their

mothers, but several of my male friends told me that they felt that

way about the death of their fathers, too, once I related my story to

them and they could face their feelings about their fathers' deaths.

I don't know if my story helps in any way, but I sure wish you inner

peace soon.

Best,

Steve

At 7:39 AM -0400 10/23/02, hwd112 wrote:

>My mother died 30 days ago. We were very, very close and it was

>very sudden (we only had 24 hours with her after diagnosis). At the

>same time, my father is very sick, withering away in a nursing home,

>in and out of the hospital. I have been numb.