Baron re: 4 years and some later....

[Guest guest]

Helllllllooooo My Friends:

It has been way too long since I have written on these boards; these saviors

of my sanity when I was too obese to walk minimal distances.

Gosh....whenever something gets me a little nuts I always have to remind

myself that I really did not expect to be alive at this time. I am not being

dramatic and I know some of you can totally relate. I remember my surgeon

asking me what my expectations were, and I replied I just wanted TO THINK

that I could get to see 50 years of age.

I try to keep up with the posts but I have not been as steadfast as I would

have liked. A lot of you out there don't know me.......we come and we go

BUT...when we leave we always seem to be less weight than when we came.

Briefly to new friends - my high weight was 600 pounds, my surgical weight

was 535 end of April 1998 and my current weight is 195lbs. The only thing

physically that has changed is EVERYTHING. Just about anything any of you

can complain about I can relate to; especially the 400 Plus Group.

About 9 - 10 months ago I pretty much stopped writing. I felt a bit

hypocritical and I also found that alcohol had become and had the ability to

become a big problem in my life. Maybe it started with socializing more,

meeting women for a drink and first dates.....whatever it was, I decided to

take action and sought out a support group. I have drank once (a slip) since

Oct 17th and am very proud of that. The best I can tell anyone is not to

underestimate the power of our compulsive tendencies. Whether it is

shopping, booze, sugar, sex, you name it........this gastric bypass is just

the tip of the iceberg for some of us. Others, were simply obese, and I do

not make light of that but they are the people I think of that had reasonably

normal lives but food addiction and obesity was a major obstacle. Others,

like myself sort of lost everything. For me, the real challenge has been

rebuilding myself emotionally and spiritually rather than physically. I do

not know why I was so successful in the amount of weight I lost. YES...I

have exercised like a maniac at times, I have been extremely vigilant with my

food at times but I have also had major transgressions. One does not get to

be 600 pounds without working at it....and those habits do not simply go away

forever. Some people....like me, find that it actually gets more difficult

the longer we are post op. After all, we wanted to be like " normal " people

around food.....and that takes very hard, diligent work.

Some quick words of advice to the newbies......a year or less. For those

say.....6 months down - DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE the amount of surgery that was

done within your bodies. I read about people getting bummed out cause they

have no energy, and then I read what their expectations of energy were....and

I marvel at just what they can do. For me, just getting out of my recliner

was a feat.....so I took it slowly......and appreciated and was grateful for

every little change. The first time I was able to wipe my buttocks while

sitting on a toilet seat brought tears to my eyes. I guess I have to say

this to remember where I came from and to share the amazing possibilities

that exist on this journey.

COMPARISONS - we all do it, and we all get ourselves crazy doing it. Compare

yourself to yourself. Trust in the process not matter how slow you think you

are losing weight.......TRUST........it will change and in time you will be

in a body you only dreamed about and wonder how you got there. I have to

tell you that sometimes I am totally amazed at how I can eat. I do not know

whether it is a good thing or not. If you went out to eat with me you would

have no idea that I had the surgery. At the beginning it is totally

different.....that first 3 to 6 months you are dominated by fear and

constantly worrying if you are doing it right....asking yourself or rather

telling yourself that you are going to be one of the only failures in this

whole process. I am smiling....cause like the operation, some of these

feelings are generic to the process. Be grateful....I know that sounds corny

but gratitude sure beats frustration in my book. In the first year, and

definitely after that many of us experimented with foods we swore prior to

surgery or right after surgery that we would NEVER try again. Not so!!

Experimentation I believe is also a part of the process. Some of us can

develop moderation, others cannot. Some friends I know have gained

weight.....in fact there is the Hungry Thread full of " US " freaking out over

not being able to control eating. I have had my bad times.......somehow I

have evened out and pretty much maintained the same weight vicinity within

ten pounds. At one time I actually went below the weight the surgeon told me

I would NEVER be able to reach.....I was actually TOO THIN......IMAGINE

THAT!! Needless to say I remedied that situation. These days I am back to

being more vigilant in my food choices and my exercise. Reconstructing my

vocational life has been the biggest challenge of this whole journey and

still is. I went from sitting in a recliner and sleeping....watching videos

and eating fast food ....to having to find a career, become self sufficient,

date, have sex, etc....etc. Many of you folks were doing this stuff all

along so the transition was a lot easier. I had lots of reconstructive

surgery...all abdominal and that was a real difficult time. DO NOT take

plastic / reconstructive surgery for granted. Truth be told....the bypass

itself is a much more mechanical and generic operation that plastic surgery.

I was deformed after my panniculectomy.

Well.......I think I have rambled enough for tonight....lol. Usually it is

in the morning with caffeine surging thru my system.....but I am finally

getting ready to enter school full time to take the courses I need for

teacher certification. This has been an agonizing decision.....and one I

have talked about in the past. I am just tired of hearing myself talk and

doing nothing.

I have missed you friends......many of you held my soul in your hands thru

these pages and I am indebted to you for it. That is also why I try to give

back. I am sorry it has been so long since I wrote....and will not let time

go by so much. By the way...for anyone wondering....there is pretty much

NOTHING I CANNOT EAT. Is that a good thing........Hmmmmmmmm....the punitive

part of this procedure is something many of you will want back down the road.

It is alot easier to NOT eat sugar or certain snacks if you know you are

gonna dump. These days....just like a normy....I have to remember that I am

" watching my figure " ....lol.

So.....have faith, don't compare, if you have medical questions ask your

doctors for they are the ones that sliced you, make sure you take your

vitamins and b-12. I have a friend that did not take hers for way too long

and she is suffering for it now. I myself have been administering my own

injections for years but there are so many ways to take it.

My Mottos......

I AM NOT MY BODY.....that is for the person that is freaking over hanging

skin....etc. The surefire cure to hanging skin is to stay fat...so you

decide.

LIVE BY THE COMPLIMENT DIE BY THE INSULT - just learn to say thank you. SO

many people will come over to you and tell you how strong and great you

are.....and then again some people have been pissed off that no one said

anything. PLEASE YOURSELF......the others will follow; and if they don't,

at least you are pleased.

KEEP AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE - first off....you survived the

operation....and that was foremost in all of our minds.

Gee...I must have written War and Peace.

Stay well...and to those of you that asked and wrote wondering about where I

was.....ThankYou....Thank You.....Thank You!!!!!!

With Love........baron

RNY 4/29/98 ....... 535lbs (high 600)

Currently approx. 195lbs

[Guest guest]

Welcome BACK! I for one always enjoyed your posts even as far back as

over 4 years ago when I was a pre-op on the main OSSG list. To think

that I am now at 3.5 years out and like you so much has changed in my

life. Thanks for haning in here and for keeping us informed of how you

are doing.

Debbie in Gig Harbor

ladybostons@...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/15/02 11:05:39 AM, Graduate-OSSG writes:

>>It has been way too long since I have written on these boards; >>

Welcome back, Baron!! I have followed you the last several years, visted

your site before my WLS, wondered where you've been, and have always enjoyed

your posts.

Congratulations on your successes and best wishes with all your struggles.

Keep an eye on us from time-to-time. I always appreciate your wisdoms and

observations, as I do the rest of the list.

Personally, I don't post much (pretty much remain in lurk mode), but I learn

something new here everyday. More importantly, I think, if I don't learn

something NEW, at least I'm always reminded that I'm not alone.

Bobbie

Anchorage

Open Proximal 5-11-02

Then: 314

Now: 200