Re: Fwd: Fw: HMO's; sounds so true

[Guest guest]

Funny!

Thanks,

Belinda

> Thought you would all enjoy this!

>

> Hi Jean,

>

> Thought you'd get a real laugh at this HMO joke.

>

> Hope all is well with everyone.

> Jan

>

> Thought you might enjoy this!!!

>

>

>

> Health Care Reality Check!

>

>

>

> Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care

> By Lubar

> Q. What does HMO stand for?

> A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " Hey, Moe! " Its

roots go back

> to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe , who discovered that a

patient

> could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked

hard

> enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger

poke with

> hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the

result

> remains the same.

>

> Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

> A. No. Only those you need.

>

> Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the

doctor I

> want?

> A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your

insurer

> will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were

participating

> in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors

> basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer

accepting new

> patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the

plan. But

> don't worry--the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and

accepting new

> patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

>

> Q. What are pre-existing conditions?

> A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they

want to

> talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-

stuck

> with it.

>

> Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?

> A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

>

> Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

> A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

>

> Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name

brand. I

> tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What

should I

> do?

> A. Poke yourself in the eye.

>

> Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly

cap. My

> insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd

already

> paid my bill. What should I do?

> A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement

check over

> to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of

those great

> offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill

farms or

> frog hatcheries.

>

> Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?

> A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus

> .

> Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?

> A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing

your primary

> care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get

sick.

>

> Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can

handle

> my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart

transplant

> right in his office?

> A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10

> co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it

> .

> Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?

> A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

>

> Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?

> A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by

then.