baron Re: Where's baron?

[Guest guest]

Hi Friends and June:

Thanks for thinking of me June many of you on the various threads I belong

to. I seem to qualify for so many of the threads; the only one I probably

need the most but seem to relate to least is one for those people at

maintenance. I do not know about you folks but these OSSG threads are pretty

much the longest relationships I have sustained in quite a few years, and my

weight loss is definitely the longest running period of time I have ever been

at a stable weight (within 10 pounds). My...what a thought!! In all my life

I never can fully recall being weight stable and being able to wear the same

clothes for over a year. The impact is something I am learning about more

and more; that is why I sometimes say that the longer I am post - op the

newer I feel.

 To June, who recently asked where I've been...I have posted for the first

time in quite awhile a few weeks ago;  several times as a matter of fact.

Sometimes the post would be addressing a particular subject or issue on a

specific thread.  Overall, I have made a major change in my life, my

schedule and my time management.....whatever that is!!! After dilly

dallying around, I have finally gotten back into the university and am taking

education classes to supplement my degree and get certified to teach

elementary education Full Time. No more substituting for this " ole man " . I

must admit....it is SCAREY!!  Amazing isn't it!!  I used to hide from kids

when in the aisles of a store for fear of hearing their amazed observations,

laughter, insults and questions to mommy or daddy about " why is that man

sooooo fat " ???? I can remember taking pleasure at seeing a tough mother slap

her kid when he spoke too loud in an insulting kind of manner. When I look

back, he was simply shocked at seeing such a huge human being!!  Now...I am

hugging them, nurturing them and teaching them when I get a chance between

my own classes.  I must admit....sometimes when kids " ride " a fat kid...I get

inappropriately angry.  This is something I recognize and MUST change.  First

off, it is MY issue, second, I might be embarassing the kid being insulted

more and Third....anger is NO WAY to teach a lesson.  I guess the roots of

my own hurt and humiliation and it's impact run deeper than I thought!!

Well.....would love to sit and chat..but I feel swamped with projects,

reading assignments, supplies to buy and organizing my own notebooks.

 Whewwwwww......I was going to take a 5th class but the advisor told me I was

taking a heavy schedule already....to me, Art and Music sounded like day

camp.....and the Science and Language Arts classes balanced things out. They

are anything but that!!

To those of you struggling with your food, your exercise.....anything WLS

related; most of it is part of the process. At least that is what I am

finding out. Ultimately, we have the tool to get back with it. Feeling like

a failure is soooo ingrained that it still feels natural even after surgery

when we might be having problems. I had a bit of a " vacation " from food

diligence and exercise. I have gotten back on it a while ago, feel the

positive results, see the scale going down and feel my body tightening and

bulking up in a better way. Who would have thought!!! All I ever prayed for

was to THINK I could live to see 50.  

Even though I have been back to losing I do not that I really need to.  Seems

I always have a " diet " consciousness........I want to stabilize at a certain

weight and pants size.  I am pretty much there but want the pants to be comfy

versus comfy snug....lol.  I must also admit that I step on the scale in the

morning and at night......lol. It just doesn't rule my psyche; hmmmm...maybe

I should re-examine that statement.

Later kids.......baron

RnY 4/29/98..............535lbs (high 600 )

Currently.....approx...190lbs