why calcium might be such a hot button?? (long)

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In a message dated 9/21/02 7:23:33 AM, DAVID BANDAS

Graduate-OSSG writes:

<< I also don't quite have a handle on why talking about calcium ends up so

bitter and personal. >>

you are on the right track I think... and this is just my two cents

worth. (And incidentally, thanks for the explanation about AMOUNT of

calcium using the analogy of butter--for me that made it VERY clear whereas

before the quoting of various datum was pretty hard going in terms of

clarity for me and quite a few others).

I have been listening and watching for how many years now onlist? I am SO

old! (grin) But, here is what I see/hear...onlist from time to time, no

matter what the subject is....(NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT CALCIUM. Never has been,

never will be.) It is about tone. People, in my opinion, are reacting to tone

when there is a sudden flurry of feathers on the list. The subject can be

bones, gonads or cornpone, and an edginess can erupt.

For instance, again, just my two cent's worth-might not even be worth 2

cent's might be just one cent's worth--

there's a difference between a person saying

" Let me explain my point of view if you will, I will try to answer all your

questions... "

VS.

words that convey (whether consciously meant or not) an underlying tone of

irritation, auto-authoritarianism, impatience, inference of accusation of

whatever kind.

Incidentally, in full disclosure, I have at various times of my life been

guilty of all of the above as well as running with the chipmunks and wearing

pink bunny slippers to the grocery store. (and recently wearing on my

morning walk out IN PUBLIC mismatched colors of hair curlers). more

seriously, I think we all are constantly striving to mediate our " tone " with

people and with the world, and even with our own self-talk.

Now, add to this the fact that our list is made up of people with MANY

different learning styles and many different GIVING styles, we essentially

on gradlist have a microcosm of the larger culture OUT THERE. Some people

learn and hear best through analogy. I myself often do. Like 's metaphor

of butter. Some people want to see lists of datum. This rings their bells.

Some people want to hold whatever " it " is, in their hands and " see " it for

themselves. Some people want to hear it with their ears and cannot absorb it

well from written words. Some people would prefer to see pictures of the

subject at issue because they learn most easily through pictorial

illustrations. (there are several other learning styles as well, and

combinations of the above)

Now, though each person has a superior way of learning, we all can learn

through ways that are not our most innate---it is just that it takes much and

more translation. We all come with, like Microsoft Word software, many

translators inside our minds. However, we have our 'druthers,' our preferred

ways of learning, our ways that are easy and quick as opposed to arduous and

laborious. We all have a " preferred way " of hearing information given to us.

For many who are considered sensitive, that is they register like a Richter

scale, any modification in the environment, even the slightest--- they are

built with sensors for testing the temperature, tone, texture, motives,

timbre of all that comes into their fields.

Tone is very important to sensitives. I have a theory, it is that people who

have spent a great deal of time being exiled by the culture for being

" untouchable, " for living In a FAT body that isn't acceptable by cultural

standards, " are often heightened in sensitivity, both to the good in term of

an often profound development of compassion for others and also in ways that

may sometimes seem overly-sensitive, for there are wounds that can erupt when

someone else is perceived as too harsh or not caring, and these take a long

time to heal, and require patience and determination to do so...and with such

care and regard, will be healed eventually

There are also different innate styles of GIVING. For those who easily give

with warmth and those who are " sensitives " who " read " another person's needs

and thoughts and feelings, they tend to give in customized ways, geared just

to that one person alone. Each person is seen as having a unique way of

recognizing being responded to. As a result, persons so approached feel

" seen. " For other givers, their way of showing great heart is to give

information, " to provide, protect and correct " so that people will be safer

and more knowing. For persons who need and want information and the most

current knowings about something, this is the kind of person who may have the

latest info to give. But there is a difference in the kind of givers: The

first kind of giver tends to say, " feelings first, facts second. " The other

kind of giver tends to say, Facts first and feelings second... " Each usually

has their heart in the right place. But they are two very different styles

People tend to listen most confidently to those who have " the latest hands-on

training from authoritative sources " (this is what credentialing is all

about,) or/and who have powerful anecdotal evidences from having lived the

thing, whatever it is, themselves. Most of us avail ourselves to both kinds

of input, using our free will to decide for ourselves what is best for us.

AND, if covert aggravation, aggression, annoyance, impatience, or anger is

added to either equation, it can cloud the givers acting as powerfully as

they might, in the most pristine and helpful manner they are aiming to

achieve.

One way is not better than the other and both are needed--feeling and fact,

AS WELL AS body and soul. But the issues of how an idea, notion, fact or

opinion is put across, remains for both, and for all, the " perceived tone, "

that the idea, notion, fact or opinion is delivered with. Some people do not

" need " 'relationship' with others as much as many others do-- but those who

strive to put Eros, that is, relating to " the deeper other, " at the center

of their lives will always be sensitive to 'how things are meant' in subtext,

not just in the words spoken themselves. As far as I can tell, all these

differences are just the ways of our lives on earth at this time.

This is just my two cents worth (1 cent's worth for deflation) about how we

are different. I personally bless these differences --when I hope goodness is

the driving motive of each...

This comes with peace and love for all here, I too am trying to understand

the way through with all these matters of health and longevity, for that is

what I want most for others and for myself too. You are some of the bravest

people on earth.

love,

ceep

G-MOM