When does the fear go away?

[Guest guest]

Welp... I am past my window of opportunity (I hate that the losing

finally stops...kind of like the click-click-clickety on Bob Barker's

show when the wheel spins around and everyone is screaming for it to

land on the $1.00... will I be the big loser or will I be the one who

hits .25 and doesn't get to play in the final big game?). Ah, but I

degress.

Anyway, I have done well. I have far exceeded my wildest

expectations, and I have settled in to being right there in a normal

BMI range. I have sort of gotten use to the fact that the scale

isn't going to go any further down unless I change some of my new

healthy habits to even newer and healthier habits... and I just don't

wanna.

But creeping in the back of my brain is this terror that I am going

to gain it all back. I mean... how many times have I lost a

startling amount of weight only to gain it back and more? Each

morning I get on the scale feeling shakey about what I might see.

And each morning the same ole weight meets me. Sometimes it goes up

a couple of pounds over the same ole weight and sometimes it goes

down a couple of pounds over the same ole weight. I handle the going

down great, but I handle the going up with fright and terror.

So when does the fear go away... when do I get to feel like this

might just stay? I feel like I am in a relationship with a formerly

cheatin' fella...when's he gonna do it again?

Heavy duty into metaphors tonight... please forgive,

Okie