Spouses, good, bad and indifferent

[Guest guest]

Reading some of the posts on spouses and the encouragement or lack

thereof they give us WLSers, I know again (for about the 3000th time

today) that I am one of the lucky ones. My H and I first met when I was

a bit heavier than I am now. We married when I weighed about 60 lbs.

more than this, and has stuck by me through all the ups and downs on

the weight chart. Never has he said a single disparaging word about my

weight. As far as he is concerned, I am beautiful. Period.

Sure, we've had our difficulties, but we've always managed to muddle

our way through. That much-overused word, communication, has always

wound up being the key -- no matter what the problem, we've always, in

the end, found that when we've been able to hear one another

accurately, we've been able to fix things and keep on trucking.

That said, I do know what it's like to be married to one of the jerky

kinds of guys, the kind who uses words as a weapon, who plays on one's

fears and insecurities as a way of keeping a sense of control in the

marriage. My first husband, who fortunately only managed to waste about

5 years of my life, was one of those. It hurt. No matter what I did, I

could not be good enough. If I lost weight, I looked scrawny and

unhealthy. If I gained, I was letting myself go, and I looked like a

big fat slob. If I tried to dress nicely despite the fat, I wasn't

fooling anyone, and was wasting money we could ill afford. If I didn't

bother trying, I didn't care about myself, and needed psychiatric help.

Sigh.

Living with that kind of nonsense is demoralizing at best, dehumanizing

at worst. The only kind of advice I can give anyone who's in that

situation is to get out now, while you've still got enough of your

self-esteem left to propel you out that front door.

Now, as for this quote:

" I aways liked what Danny Bonaducci said about cunnilinguis--however

you spell it, I do know how to pronounce it, but can't spell it. he

said, just take the guy by the hair and put us where you want us, we

are not real bright, but we are fast learners. This makes me smile

everytime I think about it. I fear omost women hae NO IDEA how willing

to please most men really are. "

Are we talking THE Danny Bonaducci? The evil little redheaded kid from

the Partridge Family? The one I used to think of as " Demon Spawn " ? I'm

sorry, but the concept of this guy having oral sex with anyone is just

too much for my tired old brain. As for " grabbing his hair and putting

him where I want him " ...no. Not a chance. Unless " where I want him " is

away from me. That whacked-out Alfred E. Newman smile popping up at me

from between my legs? AAAAAAGH! You do realize that I'm going to be

having nightmares for weeks, right?

Take care,

--

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RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 23.2

-145 lbs

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