Two burgers at once?

November 17, 2002

wrote:

I know that nobody believes me, but I swear that even pre op I never in

my life ate 2 hamburgers at a time. I really don't know how in the

hell I got to 300 pounds or why I'm still at 220.

I totally believe you, . I would never have eaten two burgers at

once either...and I always skipped the fries in favour of salad, or

nothing...or I'd pick at my kids' fries and eat maybe five to ten of

'em. And yet...307 lbs.??? How the heck....?

Well, I did have a sweet tooth. And when I got started eating something

sweet, I'd feel compelled to keep going back to the package until

whatever it was was finished. Could take an hour, could take three

hours, could take a day, but dammit, I was not going to just let that

sweet thing (whatever it was) just sit there gathering dust.

And -- and I think this might have been even more important -- after my

daughter was born by c-section in 1993, I got out of the habit of

exercising (had been doing this for almost a year, lost 95 lbs.) and

just could never seem to get back into it. I'd make sporadic attempts,

thinking, " Yes, this is it, this is the time I'm going to really do

it, " but I'd be so tired afterward, and instead of energizing me, the

exercise seemed to make my joints hurt and my whole body feel like it

had been hit by a truck. Well, when you're carrying 100 or 150 extra

pounds, unfortunately that's the Catch-22 of it all. Can't lose weight

because can't exercise; can't exercise because can't lose weight. And

meanwhile, with my sedentary jobs (can't exactly do crunches while

counselling, or while writing), things just kept getting worse. And I

was damned if I was ever going back on another diet. Been there, done

that, got the damaged metabolism and wrecked self-esteem to show for it.

So...up and up the needle on the scale went. Of course, I didn't know

this officially, because I also refused to step on a scale for years.

The scale was my enemy. It was always delivering bad news, making me

feel even worse about myself than I already did. When I finally did the

weigh-in on my first appointment with my surgeon, I nearly burst into

tears right on the spot. But at that point, something clicked inside

me, too. I decided that this surgery was my last best chance, and I was

not, no way no how, going to screw it up. I nearly died on the

operating table (nicked vein in liver, couldn't get it to stop

bleeding), and that just fuelled my determination even further. If this

surgery was worth risking my life, I was damn well going to use it for

all it was worth. 150 pounds later, I don't regret that decision.

Criminy...how did I get from 's two burgers to here...geez, I'm

rambly today! And it's snowing, and my daughter wants to go

cross-country skiing. Okay, folks, I'm reading the rest of this digest

and then I'm outta here!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 22.5

-150 lbs

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November 18, 2002

And when I got started eating something

sweet, I'd feel compelled to keep going back to the package until

whatever it was was finished.

___________________________________________________________

I did this also.... Hell I still do it, it's a fight to try and not work on

it till it's all gone. This is one reason if anything sweets in my house

it's sugar free, or no sugar added. Even with that I'm alway's thinking

about whatever food it is, usually cookies or peanut butter cups... I wonder

why I have the compulsion to wanna finish the entire package? hmmm....

Randy

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