Re: Belinda or Aletta

[Guest guest]

Sorry I am getting people mixed up, that seems about right for me. Soory I

can't respond to anything tonight, I have got to sleep. The Monitor kee[s

disappearing in to a blur. I missed the chat, I dont know when they are

occuring. I am very tired, Finished replacing the Big end bearings in our

Landcruiser (with a lot of help from my son). I'm totally exhausted.

I'll come back soon

Love to you all, Bill Pilgrim

Belinda: getting needs met

> >

> >

> > > Belinda;

> > > Once you're told you have something terminal it would be ABNORMAL

> to not

> > > think of what dying would be like. Of course, most of our

> relatives and

> > > family will make it something that they'd rather not speak of

> (Ostrich

> > > syndrome), but we need to, and while we still can. I have put it

> in

> > > writing and instructed my kids on how I want to die. Stipulating

> at which

> >

> > > point in time I no longer want the intrusion and pain of heroic

> life

> > saving

> > > measures. I'm a flower child of the sixties and to this day see

> nothing

> > > wrong with the responsible use of drugs to ease the pain of

> living. It is

> > > related to living, I do not believe death is painful, just the

> parts

> > > leading up to it. Pain killing drugs are humane, pain is

> damaging, I

> > don't

> > > want a buzz, I'd just like not to have the intrusion and life

> sucking

> > pain,

> > > because it makes me cranky, and tired and clouds the nice

> thoughts I'd

> > > rather be having. Talking about my fears and the decisions I

> need to make

> > > now are rarely possible with family and friends, that's where a

> therapist

> > > is a wonderful soothing prescence, someone who allows all your

> thoughts to

> > > expressed, that process makes it smaller manageable and

> aknowledged.

> > > Too often this North Amercian culture conditions women to be

> treated with

> > > less respect when it comes to suffering. For one thing girls

> here are

> > > supposed the make 'nice' be pleasant no matter what (encouraging

> you to

> > > suspend your feelings to please those of others), and

> perplexingly also be

> > > more demonstrative (hysterical) when it comes to emotions. This

> is a very

> > > counter-productive mindset. It conditions people to think

> nothing is very

> > > wrong with us when it is and requires us to emote only on queque

> (well,

> > not

> > > me, I'm Eurotrash). If you are sleepwalking and having blackouts

> (can't

> > > remember how I got there), you are most likely sleep deprived.

> Doctors

> > are

> > > very reluctant about sleep medication (could become

> > > dependant//addicted). Insist on getting some help getting

> sleep. Two

> > > years ago I walked into my therapist's office (he's an MD) and

> told him

> > > simply he could give me something so I could sleep or I would

> likely slit

> > > my wrists. Unlike the more subtler discussions with my GP etc.

> this got

> > > results. I've been taking sleeping pills since which work. I

> take no

> > > higher dose than two years ago, and yes, I am dependant, because

> I cannot

> > > function when sleep deprived (especially cognitively). I'm

> terminal for

> > > Pete's sake I don't think possible addiction is a worst case

> > > scenario. Since they expect drama, you may have to be dramatic,

> and

> > > insistent. Don't buy the anti-depressant bull either, those

> never did me

> > > any good, and have worse side-effect than the sleeping pills. If

> getting

> > > adequate, quality sleep does not improve your well-being, then

> perhaps you

> > > can ask a neuro to consider anti-convulsants (sleepwalking and

> seizures

> > can

> > > be one and the same). Don't make nice, tell them exactly what

> you want

> > and

> > > insist someone monitor your progress (it may take numerous

> > > adjustments). It is your body, your life and your death go for

> the 110%

> > of

> > > what is possible, that is dignity, quiet desperation is for

> wussies.

> > >

> > > When I was actively looking for my new physician, I prepared a

> handout of

> > > what I wanted from a GP, I knew he would work out because he

> accepted the

> > > whole list, here it is, maybe someone else can use it:

> > > 1. someone who truly believes I am ill and not feigning

> > > 2. someone who ccan take into account my history of dance, and

> training as

> > > dance therapist, counselling and practicing yogal since birth

> > > 3. someone who takes into account I took no prescription

> medications from

> > > age 22 until mid-thirties and only in dyer need

> > > 4. someone who takes into account that I tried and remain loyal

> to natural

> > > healing practices, when it is effective and low risk (early years

> with

> > > fatigue used Chinese herbal teas including the dreaded ko-buch-hah

> > mushroom

> > > which fermented in dark tea on top of my fridge for the two years

> years I

> > > was loyal to it)

> > > 5. someone willing to liaise with a rehab worker on my behalf

> (services

> > out

> > > of reach without a GP and a least a tentative diagnosis which

> supports

> > > needed resources, equipment and medical therapies not otherwise

> covered)

> > > 6. someone who will be sincere and direct

> > > 7. someone who will involve me and treat me as a person not a

> patient

> > > 8. someone willing to do follow-up and monitoring, not just crisis

> > management

> > > 9. someone willing to discuss with my therapist when there are

> doubt about

> > > my mental status or about the past four years since he was the one

> > > monitoring my symptoms and meds consistently

> > >

> > > Of course you'd have to change to suit your history etc. but you

> get the

> > > idea. Be clear what you need, and insistent. So far this is

> working very

> > > well for me.

> > >

> > >

> > > aletta mes

> > > vancouver, bc Canada

> > > web: http://aletta.0catch.com

> > >

> > >

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> > >

> > >