Guest guest Posted April 19, 2002 Report Share Posted April 19, 2002 The positive side of life: Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. " I'm losing my memory, Doctor, " he sobbed. " What should I do? " " Pay me in advance. " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx You're in incredible shape, " the doctor said. " How old are you again? " " I am 78, " the man said. " 78! " remarked the doctor. " How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60-year-old. " " Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off, and I would go outside for a walk to settle down, " the man explained. " What does that have to do with it? " asked the doctor. " I've pretty much lived an outdoor life. " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college became increasingly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between younger and older students. Her observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into the library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. " What are all these books? " he asked. Somewhat surprised, the instructor replied that they were encyclopedias. " Really? " he said. " Someone printed out the whole thing? " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, " Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is? " The little boy nodded in the affirmative. " Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team? " The little boy nodded yes. " So, " the coach continued, " I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that? " Again the little boy nodded. He continued, " And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb *#%*!!#*, is it? " Again the little boy nodded. " Good, " said the coach. " Now go over there and explain all that to your mother. " xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Computer haikus In Japan, Sony Vaio machines have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The Web site you seek Can not be located but Countless more exist - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ABORTED effort: Close all that you have worked on. You ask way too much. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: " My Novel " not found. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Stay the patient course Of little worth is your ire The network is down - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.