Re: Check out/Barbara

[Guest guest]

:

I am so glad my posts helped you. I sent them because someone had

written in ti the Caregivers list telling where to send for the books, and I

knew they were available on the WEB. I sent the information to both the

Caregivers list and this one. I guess you were meant to get it. I was given

these writings by the people at Hospice, and I read them many times during

the six months they were coming to our home. I still mull over in my mind the

difference between letting go and giving up. I tended to have to try

absolutely everything before I " let go. " I know that I insisted they try one

more time to rehydrate Ken intravenously before I let go and allowed Hospice

to take over. I had read their literature about that, but I just had to be

sure because hydrating had helped so many times before. This time it didn't,

and I decided not to do anything more heroic for Ken. He did live for another

six months during which he was more at peace and happier than I had seen him

in years. I truly believe that sometimes he agreed to being treated for me

and he was relieved when he realized that I was willing to let him go. I

still miss him very much, but I am a peace with the decisions we made. I hope

your mother can come to realize that she did do everything possible and that

this is a terminal illness and that the ultimate end cannot be prevented

indefinitely no matter how much we wish it. Because of modern science, ken

lived much longer than people used to, and he had a bearable quality ti his

life, but finally there was really no quality, and he was able to leave.

love, Barbara

[Guest guest]

Barbara,

Thank you so much for posting those links. Reading

those words really blessed me today. How did you know

I needed that? :-)

I'm sending them on to my mother and sisters. My

mother especially needs to read the " Giving Up and

Letting Go " . This week her guilt is about the

possibility that my father finally " gave up " because

she didn't do enough to make him think his life was

worth living. She thinks she should/could have done

more to make his life more bearable. Of course it's

totally irrational b/c she devoted her entire life to

his care (to the detriment of her health and her

relationships with other people, which wasn't good).

But grief isn't really a rational process, is it?

Thanks again.

in OK

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