husbands and wives and lovers

[Guest guest]

just two cents worth about discussion re hubbies and wives.

I don't recommend spending a lot of time getting 'jolts' by getting sexual

attention from others. It is like skim milk, right oclor, pretty dang thin,

does not fill. Sorry, but I call it as I see it. I would rather create

something meaningful with a guy than sit around groooming him or having him

fluff me up--unless I was REALLY serious, in which case, man there goes the

sofa and feathers are flying everywhere (grin)

evil ceep made me write that part.

To me, love has everything to do with talking to each other

instead of saying you do (or don't) do this and that,

say

it hurts me when///

it scares me when///

it mades me sad when////

I don't know what to do.

help me.

(and you now that man do love to " fix things,' including fix you right up. I

have a friend who asks her husband to " fix " her sssecually on a regular

basis. He jumps right to it. It's soething to fix, right?

evil ceep made me write that last part.

I aways liked what Danny Bonaducci said about cunnilinguis--however you spell

it, I do know how to pronounce it, but can't spell it. he said, just take the

guy by the hair and put us where you want us, we are not real bright, but we

are fast learners. This makes me smile everytime I think about it. I fear

omost women hae NO IDEA how willing to please most men really are.

I'm only one person, but I tell you if women don't teach men all kinds of

things (including or excluding the word i can't spell) and no matter how many

times they have to repeat themselves, then men will never learn any better.

You might think it is grandiose to say women lift the bar of civilization.

But they do. And not only that, but most men want to be taught, (preferably

whie you are wearing black velvet boots). (evil ceep, get outa here!!)

Seriously, they want to be shown, want to please. Very much. Women often

however have to get over being impatient with men. Stop thinking it doesn't

count if you HAVE TO tell the man how to do whatever. most women thought they

were marrying a grownup, they did not realize the up part might be true, but

the grown part might be a work in progress. it is alright. Most people are

learnable. And have a lot to offer that is deep and good and needed.

We have a saying in shrinkdom, if people come in saying they are afraid they

will be adbandoned, the real issue is fear of suffocation. If they come in

and say they are afraid of being suffocated, most often, the underlying issue

is fear of abandonment. Just some food for thought. No dumping type.

whew, that evil ceep didn't interrupt that whole last paragraph

love,

ceep

cackle, cackle, cackle, I'm bbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/17/2002 1:50:39 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

the3latours@... writes:

> Flirting, dating, touching etc is OVER unless it is with your

> partner.

That, to me, sounds like a very boring existance. Now, this is just MY

personal opinion, so please NO SLAMMING!!! I happen to love my husband

desperately and he loves me also. Both of us love to flirt and goof around. I

did not say CHEAT...but flirt....YES!! It is fun and exhilirating. He loves

seeing me flirt and I love to see him flirt. We flirt with our friends, so

noone is getting hurt. Our friends all know that we are married and very

happily, thank you very much. I, personally, see no harm in this behavior.

Once again, this is my personal opinion.

from Florida

[Guest guest]

I just want to add my two cents into this conversation...

for what its worth...

I am single, I'm not constantly prowling, but when some interesting fella

decides to flirt I'd certainly appreciate some level of true interest. I

get so disgusted and trully a bit pissed when I discover the jerk is married

and looking for a quick ego boost at my expense. That is getting so old

that I'm loosing my faith and may blow off mister right cuz I think he's

just another neglected or egocrazed married man who needs to prove to

himself that he's still got it.

So I'm not much of a fan of idle " innocent " flirting. When you are married

there's no need for it, it's kinda like mental cheating or head games, maybe

something else needs some work or attention, who knows. I'm just tired of

getting faked out by guys that are " just staying in practice " for what???

at some level its a lie.

sorry had to vent,

flo

[Guest guest]

Flo,

I think I have finally found someone who thinks like I do. I am

married. Period. No flirting, no joking, no hinting...none. I am a

very dedicated person and do not understand how a person can be

married and still flirt, or worse....I don't understand the thinking

behind it- if you are married you are married. If you do not want to

be with the person you are with- for whatever reason- it is always

better to leave than to cheat. Cheating- to me- involves so much more

than the physical act of sex, it is the mental yearning, the

emotional need that is being filled outside of the marraige, the

emotional betrayal, the lies, the dishonesty of it all that is so

devestating to everyone involved. I have absolutely no tolerance for

a married person putting out " the vibe " , flirting, inappropriately

joking around with members of the opposite sex etc. I feel very

strongly that if you have made a commitment to someone, that is it.

Flirting, dating, touching etc is OVER unless it is with your

partner. I am constantly having married guys " IM " me when I am online

and I make no mistake about who I am and will ask plainly- " What do

you think you are doing?!?, did you not see on my profile HAPPILY

MARRIED and do you not see on your profile MARRIED? WHY DID YOU IM

ME? " Needless to say, most run. Some are stupid and don't and I have

to block them. It's a sad sad world.

There are nice single guys out there, they are just hard to find. I

am convinced they are as sick of the whole dating scene as you are

and therefore it gets harder to find them. I found my husband on AOL.

(Don't laugh). One day he imed me, I was single and looking, so we

started chatting (he was also single). We talked online for 3 months

before going on a date, then we went on one date, waited another 6

months before going out again. We have been married over 3 years now,

together almost 5. (not counting internet time). He was not what I

was looking for and I never would have dreamed he would turn out to

be my best freind, lover and partner for life.

Best of luck to you,

Sincerely,

> I just want to add my two cents into this conversation...

> for what its worth...

>

> I am single, I'm not constantly prowling, but when some interesting

fella

> decides to flirt I'd certainly appreciate some level of true

interest. I

> get so disgusted and trully a bit pissed when I discover the jerk

is married

> and looking for a quick ego boost at my expense. That is getting

so old

> that I'm loosing my faith and may blow off mister right cuz I think

he's

> just another neglected or egocrazed married man who needs to prove

to

> himself that he's still got it.

>

> So I'm not much of a fan of idle " innocent " flirting. When you are

married

> there's no need for it, it's kinda like mental cheating or head

games, maybe

> something else needs some work or attention, who knows. I'm just

tired of

> getting faked out by guys that are " just staying in practice " for

what???

> at some level its a lie.

>

> sorry had to vent,

> flo

[Guest guest]

,

I am not going to slam you, I just don't understand this way of

thinking. Our lives are anything but boring, we share a passion for

motorcycles (I ride an 01 Honda Spirit VT1100C and my husband rides

an 00 Honda Sabre VT1100C2), home improvement/repair, camping, etc. I

guess I am of the opinion that there is so much more to life than

flirting with members of the opposite sex when so many times it can

cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings or dissatisfaction where once

there was none. Ofcourse maybe I am just old fashioned or very

concervative in my beleifs, but I am what I am. I dont beleive in

porn for married couples or strip bars, much for the same reason,

although it seems harmless enough at first, it can lead to

dissatisfaction with yourself or partner, or cause your partner to

have self doubt. Why take the chance when we are blessed enough to

have a partner we love and value?

Sincerely,

> In a message dated 10/17/2002 1:50:39 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> the3latours@y... writes:

>

>

> > Flirting, dating, touching etc is OVER unless it is with your

> > partner.

>

> That, to me, sounds like a very boring existance. Now, this is just

MY

> personal opinion, so please NO SLAMMING!!! I happen to love my

husband

> desperately and he loves me also. Both of us love to flirt and goof

around. I

> did not say CHEAT...but flirt....YES!! It is fun and exhilirating.

He loves

> seeing me flirt and I love to see him flirt. We flirt with our

friends, so

> noone is getting hurt. Our friends all know that we are married and

very

> happily, thank you very much. I, personally, see no harm in this

behavior.

> Once again, this is my personal opinion.

>

> from Florida

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, you are practically a newlywed with only being married 5 years. Try

being married for 21 years. My dh doesn't shower me with affection. If

fact I haven't gotten any compliments from him at all for the wt loss. He

also is one who thought I didn't need the surgery and should have tried

harder and exercised more. We don't fight, we don't date we exist side by

side. Kind of boring if you ask me.

We have talked about this and try to come to a solution, but neither one of

us acts on it. Kind of in a rut. So, if there were ever a guy out there

that started flirting with me, I would have trouble not flirting back.

Vicki in IA

VBG 6-97 364/212

RNY 6-29-01 295/191/160?

[Guest guest]

, you are practically a newlywed with only being married 5 years. Try

being married for 21 years. My dh doesn't shower me with affection. If

fact I haven't gotten any compliments from him at all for the wt loss. He

also is one who thought I didn't need the surgery and should have tried

harder and exercised more. We don't fight, we don't date we exist side by

side. Kind of boring if you ask me.

We have talked about this and try to come to a solution, but neither one of

us acts on it. Kind of in a rut. So, if there were ever a guy out there

that started flirting with me, I would have trouble not flirting back.

Vicki in IA

VBG 6-97 364/212

RNY 6-29-01 295/191/160?