husbands and wives and lovers

[Guest guest]

just two cents worth about discussion re hubbies and wives.

I don't recommend spending a lot of time getting 'jolts' by getting sexual

attention from others. It is like skim milk, right oclor, pretty dang thin,

does not fill. Sorry, but I call it as I see it. I would rather create

something meaningful with a guy than sit around groooming him or having him

fluff me up--unless I was REALLY serious, in which case, man there goes the

sofa and feathers are flying everywhere (grin)

evil ceep made me write that part.

To me, love has everything to do with talking to each other

instead of saying you do (or don't) do this and that,

say

it hurts me when///

it scares me when///

it mades me sad when////

I don't know what to do.

help me.

(and you now that man do love to " fix things,' including fix you right up. I

have a friend who asks her husband to " fix " her sssecually on a regular

basis. He jumps right to it. It's soething to fix, right?

evil ceep made me write that last part.

I aways liked what Danny Bonaducci said about cunnilinguis--however you spell

it, I do know how to pronounce it, but can't spell it. he said, just take the

guy by the hair and put us where you want us, we are not real bright, but we

are fast learners. This makes me smile everytime I think about it. I fear

omost women hae NO IDEA how willing to please most men really are.

I'm only one person, but I tell you if women don't teach men all kinds of

things (including or excluding the word i can't spell) and no matter how many

times they have to repeat themselves, then men will never learn any better.

You might think it is grandiose to say women lift the bar of civilization.

But they do. And not only that, but most men want to be taught, (preferably

whie you are wearing black velvet boots). (evil ceep, get outa here!!)

Seriously, they want to be shown, want to please. Very much. Women often

however have to get over being impatient with men. Stop thinking it doesn't

count if you HAVE TO tell the man how to do whatever. most women thought they

were marrying a grownup, they did not realize the up part might be true, but

the grown part might be a work in progress. it is alright. Most people are

learnable. And have a lot to offer that is deep and good and needed.

We have a saying in shrinkdom, if people come in saying they are afraid they

will be adbandoned, the real issue is fear of suffocation. If they come in

and say they are afraid of being suffocated, most often, the underlying issue

is fear of abandonment. Just some food for thought. No dumping type.

whew, that evil ceep didn't interrupt that whole last paragraph

love,

ceep

cackle, cackle, cackle, I'm bbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

[Guest guest]

" Why take the chance when we are blessed enough to

have a partner we love and value? "

Good point, it's not about trust, its about mental cheating or mental

partner swapping or not getting " enough " from your own partner, he/she isnt

filling your needs. The other lady said it, " bored " and it takes someone

outside of the marriage to bring in some light and life. I think for these

folks, maybe it " saves " their marriage (a temporary bandaide), but believe

me the other person or couple may not see it that way and may suffer some

hurt or resentment for being " used " to save your marriage, I'm sorry, that

sucks.

I really myself think that if someone is capable of flirting to that extent

they are just steps away from cheating if the right circumstances or person

comes along. Unless both partners and everyone involved is concentual to

the ultimate possibilities someone's heart is on the line and maybe a couple

of marriages. That's too close to the edge for me.

As you say, being blessed with a good marriage and faithful partner is too

precious and rare to risk. If a spouse starts " acting out " sexual interest

in another, most likely there is a driving force behind it that needs to be

addressed.

flo

[Guest guest]

I think maybe the definition of " flirting " here can be so broad that

what one of us may consider flirting could be very different than

what other's consider flirting. To me there is a safe " flirt " ..

something we do with people in general. Cutting up as some might

say..with no further intention of doing anything with anyone.

Telling someone they are goodlooking or that they are looking

particularly nice. Commenting back to someone as they make a

comment. Doesn't mean that in your mind you have visions of having

sex with that person necessarily just a form of what I call innocent

flirting. NOW .. on the other hand.. if my husband (who I've only

been married too for three weeks, but have been with for 3 years)

went around telling my friends he had fantasies of ripping off their

clothes and having wild sex.. that to me goes beyond what I consider

harmless interaction. BUT other people don't feel that is wrong as

long as you don't act on it.. there in lies my point that it's really

individual. I am rambling as you will learn I do, but my point was

to say that we all may have a different definition of what we mean

when we say " flirting " .

Ginger

Austin, TX

Post op RNY 3/05/01 -212

Post op Tummy Tuck 7/12/02

[Guest guest]

, you are practically a newlywed with only being married 5 years. Try

being married for 21 years. My dh doesn't shower me with affection. If

fact I haven't gotten any compliments from him at all for the wt loss. He

also is one who thought I didn't need the surgery and should have tried

harder and exercised more. We don't fight, we don't date we exist side by

side. Kind of boring if you ask me.

We have talked about this and try to come to a solution, but neither one of

us acts on it. Kind of in a rut. So, if there were ever a guy out there

that started flirting with me, I would have trouble not flirting back.

Vicki in IA

VBG 6-97 364/212

RNY 6-29-01 295/191/160?