Jerky Spouse Behavior

[Guest guest]

Dan, you made a lot of sense with the male point of view in regard to

wls. My husband has been extremely supportive throughout my journey. I

have been quite fortunate throughout my relationship with Tim. When we

met I was 232 lbs., got married at 278 and by the time I had my wls I

was 378 lbs. Not a day went by in our marriage that he didn't say I love

you to me at least two to three times a day. He always told me how

beautiful I was, etc., etc. Since my weight loss, there have been a few

health issues that have landed me in the hospital more times than we can

count, but for the most part I am fine. Tim is not the jealous type. If

he is, he is good at hiding it. However, now when I go out with my

girlfriends for dinner and cocktails, as I'm leaving the house he always

tells me how beautiful I am and how great I look and now he has been

adding the comment, " now I really have to start worrying about you when

you go out " . I called him on it a few weeks ago and he said basically

what you said. That when I was pushing 400 lbs. I was beautiful to him,

but knows that most men wouldn't be interested in me, but now, he says

he knows that men come onto me when I go out. Hell, they've done it

while he is standing there. It's a whole new world for me and I would be

lying if I said I didn't enjoy it or that I wasn't flattered by the

attention. But that's all it is to me. Attention and some harmless

flirting. Men buy me drinks, but I buy the next round and I never leave

the house without my wedding band on. I'm honest with him and tell him

about the guys who come up to me and ask me for my number or give me

theirs even after I tell them I'm married. He's still getting used to

the new me and frankly, I'm still getting used to me.

I showed Tim your note and he agreed whole heartedly with it. Another

point you made is the support issue. Tim doesn't have a weight problem,

but I don't know if I would have been as supportive of him as he was to

me. I'd like to think that I would be, but even with other things,

sometimes I don't think I'm as enthusiastic about things for him as he

would be for me.

I've always said that this surgery was for me too. Not for anyone else.

But also, by me choosing this route, I feel better physically and

psychologically, therefore, my family does benefit from it. What's that

saying, " if mama ain't happy, then nobody is happy " . This is the best

gift I could have given myself and therefore to my family.

I also think it's a matter of trust and what kind of marriage you had

prior to the wls. Tim loved me at my heaviest. Currently I'm 45 lbs

lighter than I was when I first met him. Now he tells people I'm not the

girl he once knew. Our marriage is far from perfect, but we both love

eachother and respect eachother and most importantly we trust eachother.

Thanks for the great note on a mans point of view.

Regina Block