Re: Predictable jerky spouse behavior

[Guest guest]

Suffice to say....I can't and won't agree with some of the comments

as you're using a too broad a brush that doesn't reflect all males.

Having said that...I do accept what you say not to patronizing, just

to accept that I believe in what you say for you sector of the male

populace.

I've no doubt that my Ex would fill pages with all the stuff that I

don't know; didn't know and failed to recognize before issues

spiraled too fast too far. Conversely, I could fill a few volumes

of my own complaints that at this time...aren't applicable any

longer and having got past their significance as issues...shouldn't

really be the stumbling block that it presents. In my case, it's as

if 50% of my time here never existed...memories go askew; there

aren't any fond memories to share as they come up sorta sad and

morose, yet too many years to forget. So, yeah...I'm a bit on the

hurt side after being snubbed...it'll go away, again; and one day

something will remind me...again, and then I'll cycle through this

little valley once again.

As for being overworked and underpaid...it cuts both ways, kiddo.

My Ex allowed me to finance her collegiate career from high school

all the way to her 3rd Associates; 2nd Batchelor; 2nd Masters and

finally her PhD. It was two jobs or more to keep our heads above

water for 18 years; when that PhD rolled in...she rolled out. I

wanted children...but her degrees were in Microbiology and her

intern job with the NIH as a biochemist wouldn't allow her to become

pregnant...dealing with her immune system and some of the bad bugs

she was dealing with. Peculiarly enough....where she didn't want

children then....she has a 10 year old daughter now; a Federal job

and all I got was this stupid Tee shirt. Sooooo... " stupid " is

applicable in this case.

Be that as it may...we've all got a tale or two. I know of at least

one woman that got the American Dream just the way she wanted...no

children to deal with; someone to share the chores, the cooking,

grocery store; the billing and payables...and for the first five

years, a chauffeur.....and I did put the seat down most of the

times.

Dan

rny 10.13.98

EdWaits,MD-Atlanta

> In a message dated 10/16/2002 4:14:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> dlturner@b... writes:

> << You gals...try and let some of the guys off the hook. We're

not

> smart and you can't make us. But for those that just let life

> intercede with happiness...no matter the conditions...there's a

lot

> of remorseful types out there that would appreciate that last

> absolution. After 10 years of it....I'm just ready to pay my

fine

> and go home and be happy...without it; it sneaks back too often

and

> brings on some heartfelt misery.

> ....everyone has a tale to tell ....

> my ex knows my buttons and absolute silence

> regarding a very special day (it would have been 30 years last

> Friday) no matter the prose and midi music sent her way in

> remembrance should have at least got a " Thanks " or " you

remembered "

> or even a " go to hell " ....any or one of the above, I could

understand.

>

> I'll never understand indifference. >>

> Ah Dan,

> Your post triggered some VERY strong emotions in me.

> First, none of that " aw shucks we're stupid " cuts any ice with me.

If men are

> so stupid (and they are) why are they running the country, most

businesses,

> bossing competent women around and making about 50% more money

than women

> for the same type of work? Sorry if I sound bitter, I am. I am

tired of

> being overworked and underpaid solely for lack of a penis. I also

resent

> being responsible for the housework, remembering HIS mother's

birthday,

> paying the bills, taking care of all the holiday crap, buying the

groceries

> and cooking even when I can't eat. I resent working 2 jobs for my

entire

> adult life in order to keep the train on the tracks and after he

puts in a

> scant 37.5 hour week cannot be bothered to put the friggin seat

down. I

> resent having to ask multiple times to get things done, resent

having to be a

> mommy when I wanted to be a wife.

> Despite my anger and disappointment, I really don't wish him any

ill will, I

> just want out. And he has met silence and indifference for the

last 4 years.

> I don't want to fight, I dont hate him, I don't care enough about

him to

> hate him. I just want him gone. I've told him several times I

want a

> divorce, yet he is so passive that unless I become a raving

lunatic I guess

> he will hang around like an old stray dog waiting to be fed a few

crumbs. I

> will leave since he won't...just another damn aggravation. I paid

for this

> house, and can't have a minute's peace in it. I've got too many

friends in

> the 50ish range that tell me they just pray for their husbands to

die so they

> can be free of them. They won't divorce them cause they are not

willing to

> give up the financial benefit of being married. I don't want mine

to die, I

> want him to be happy....just far far away from me. Once those

divorce papers

> are signed I hope to never hear from him again. And he never did

a big wrong

> thing...he just let me down in dozens of little ways almost every

day. Now

> he claims to not understand. Well, if that is so, I just can't be

married to

> somebody that stupid. Your post has let me know that even though

I've tried

> to be halfway nice, avoiding great confrontation, I've actually

only

> succeeded in being more hurtful in failing to acknowledge him.

Crap!!(not

> the word I really wanted to say..lolol)

> B