spouses

[Guest guest]

With all the talk here about spouses both good and bad, I want to say a small

thing. We get what we ask for.

When I met my husband, all I wanted was a man who loved me that I could love. I

got him. He loved me. I learned to love him. He is my best friend. We share

a lot. We laugh a lot. We never fight, which is not to say we do not argue or

disagree. We are together 24/7 for the most part, now.

When I was obese, we met and married. When I became morbidly obese, and

couldn't walk anymore, he pushed me in the wheelchair, vacuumed if I wanted him

to, did laundry, even cooked. He supported me no matter what happened. His

reasons? Because he loved me, he married me, and that's what a spouse is

supposed to do. He tells me every day of our lives that he loves me. I tell

him I love him, too. We mean it. It's not romance and sweet music, but it's

dedication and caring.

Does he do things around the house without my asking or pointing them out? NO.

Does he remember special days, buy me gifts, send me flowers? NO. Do I care?

I used to care, yes, very much. But I realized that he loves me as much as he

can. In his way, it is with all his heart. And I wouldn't trade that heart for

all the help, flowers, or anything else.

That said, yesterday we got the news that his lung cancer is going to kill him

in a year or less. I am in shock, saddened, frightened, and worried. I am also

grateful to God for the 23 great years we have had, and that I had WLS 3 years

ago so that I can now take care of him.

When we expect little, we get little. When we expect much, we get much. Now

that we have greater self-esteem, we are expecting more of ourselves and others

in our lives. May you all find someone who is a good match for you, as I was

lucky enough to do. And may it last forever.

Alice in NY