RE: Norwegians and Germans - Doing things.

[Guest guest]

Hi Barbara,

I have FA which progresses quite slowly in me. now 49 started at 17 wheelchair around 30

From the patient's point of view, I think to knock Chuck is very wrong. I am now alone after splitting with the wife after 20 years. It was many things, not least, her father had cancer, and she felt she was needed there. Really she was perfect, but I made my list of pros and cons, and the cons were way ahead. I wanted some understanding and freedom to do things, and have a final fling at life before it's taken away. No-one but me thought I could survive, and I was not that sure. So I stayed put.

I understand it may not seem too helpful, and the care bit is your thing; I understand if you think this is unfair and unjustifiably critical. But I see his point of view so clearly. When your life is crumbling away, these little things are the straws that make a life worthwhile, knocking them; could be a mistake. I actually considered suicide, but no more.

I have just started my fifth year of looking after myself, gardening, housework, cooking, everything. Five years ago, I hardly came downstairs, I was always in the way. I feel like I have my life back. Kath was wonderful, but you can do too much. Don't take his life away, for any physical harm it does, it does so much spiritual good, its so important to us bull-headed males...

Some of us are crazy, we just have to have the challenge or maybe some control, if only occasionally. Just a thought..

-- from Brine

- Written at 18:09:40 on 14-04-2002

I noted that on Sun, 14 Apr 02 09:35:40 -0600,

wrote:

>

>Cindy, Back 16 generations? Does that reach Leif sson? Yes, I use

>Family Tree Maker, and all the pertinent data bases of Ancestry.com.

>

>Chuck is German plus. The following is his modus operandi:

>

>I am fearful of leaving him alone, considering possible ministrokes,

>falls, and choking. He refuses to have someone come to stay with him, but

>last week, our son came over to give me a day out, after I complained

>that it wasn't fair to me that Chuck was so bull-headed about a

>companion. Before I left, I told him not to do too much physically and

>NOT to wash the dog when no one else was around.

>

>I went to the Vesterheim Genealogical Center in Madison Wisconsin, where

>I spent the afternoon looking at computers and at index file cards, and

>came up with nothing. When I got home, get this, what greeted me was a

>very very wet dog, no son, and a sick husband in the shower with the

>other dog. And Chuck was so proud of all the jobs they had gotten done

>around the yard while I was gone, he couldn't stop talking about them all

>evening, and, of course, he was exhausted. I was so disgusted I wasn't

>talking to HIM.

>

>Yes, I know. He was trying to show me that he wasn't THAT sick. Gott n

>Himmel!

>

>Barbara Woodford

>

>

>If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

>unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

>shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, if my husband was still alive, this is exactly what he would have expressed. Most of our battles were because he thought I was trying to take his life away by doing too much for him, and I was angry because he kept trying to do things for himself that he couldn't or shouldn't. I finally resigned myself to the fact that it was his life and I would help when he asked - or offer assistance and if he said 'no' to let it go. And then TRY to be gracious when he needed me anyway after saying 'no'.

Hugs,

Nan

-----Original Message-----From: R Vallot- Sent: Sunday, April 14, 2002 11:07 AMTo: shydrager Subject: Re: Norwegians and Germans - Doing things.

Hi Barbara,

I have FA which progresses quite slowly in me. now 49 started at 17 wheelchair around 30

From the patient's point of view, I think to knock Chuck is very wrong. I am now alone after splitting with the wife after 20 years. It was many things, not least, her father had cancer, and she felt she was needed there. Really she was perfect, but I made my list of pros and cons, and the cons were way ahead. I wanted some understanding and freedom to do things, and have a final fling at life before it's taken away. No-one but me thought I could survive, and I was not that sure. So I stayed put.

I understand it may not seem too helpful, and the care bit is your thing; I understand if you think this is unfair and unjustifiably critical. But I see his point of view so clearly. When your life is crumbling away, these little things are the straws that make a life worthwhile, knocking them; could be a mistake. I actually considered suicide, but no more.

I have just started my fifth year of looking after myself, gardening, housework, cooking, everything. Five years ago, I hardly came downstairs, I was always in the way. I feel like I have my life back. Kath was wonderful, but you can do too much. Don't take his life away, for any physical harm it does, it does so much spiritual good, its so important to us bull-headed males...

Some of us are crazy, we just have to have the challenge or maybe some control, if only occasionally. Just a thought..

-- from Brine

- Written at 18:09:40 on 14-04-2002

I noted that on Sun, 14 Apr 02 09:35:40 -0600, wrote:>>Cindy, Back 16 generations? Does that reach Leif sson? Yes, I use>Family Tree Maker, and all the pertinent data bases of Ancestry.com.>>Chuck is German plus. The following is his modus operandi:>>I am fearful of leaving him alone, considering possible ministrokes,>falls, and choking. He refuses to have someone come to stay with him, but>last week, our son came over to give me a day out, after I complained>that it wasn't fair to me that Chuck was so bull-headed about a>companion. Before I left, I told him not to do too much physically and>NOT to wash the dog when no one else was around.>>I went to the Vesterheim Genealogical Center in Madison Wisconsin, where>I spent the afternoon looking at computers and at index file cards, and>came up with nothing. When I got home, get this, what greeted me was a>very very wet dog, no son, and a sick husband in the shower with the>other dog. And Chuck was so proud of all the jobs they had gotten done>around the yard while I was gone, he couldn't stop talking about them all>evening, and, of course, he was exhausted. I was so disgusted I wasn't>talking to HIM.>>Yes, I know. He was trying to show me that he wasn't THAT sick. Gott n>Himmel!>>Barbara Woodford>>>If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may>unsubscribe by sending a blank email to>>shydrager-unsubscribe >>>>>