Dear Ceep; Advice Columnist; on fear and size

[Guest guest]

I am answering this letter that came to me personally. I think the questions

inherent might be applicable to many. As always, this is only my two cents

worth:

on fear and size:

of course you have fear dear one. You had a previous surgery, gained back a

lot of weight. Now you have had an rny and are near 200 and that is WAY down

from before, now the scale is wavering about and you are scared. This seems

like an expected fear. You were stunned that something failed you the first

time through, it hurt you. You are now afriad this is like back then. That

sounds like a rewsonable " flashback " to me. Just stay inside your greatest

strongest heart self now. This is now. Not then. No climbing back into the

self you used to be back then. This is now and you are different. The

circumstances are different. Some of the markers SEEM the same ( pounds

wavering a bit), but they are NOT the same. This is a whole different time

for you. A whole different place. A better one. And you are in charge. And

you have a tool to use you never had before. Use it to the best of your

ability. You didn't have brain surgery. You were given a tool, a hometown

advantage. Look around you at poor suffering humanity, at those who are

walking on to their deaths; what wouldn't they give right this second to have

the slight edge you have been brave enough to go after? put it to use. You

have the head start.

You say you want to be " a normal size " just once in your life. I understand

the dream. We all have been exposed to dreaming this same dream. It was put

into us when we were very young. But, in reality, in the human species there

is no " normal size " that exludes both ends of the spectrum as is done in our

western culture. In the species, all sizes are normal. It is called a

continuum in anthropology. Don't be confused by the cultural idea of the

made-up " norm. " That is a whole different set of beezus. You are within the

norm of human beings at a weight that is above the size 14 range, but you may

not be in the " status norm " the culture has invented.

If that is what a person wishes to enter, " the status norm, " they can , but

there is a price to it. One will have to work vigilantly and intensely for it

IF they do not fit naturally into that narrow range. It will take constant

monitoring and constant vigilance and intense daily focus on whether the body

is " this or that " consistently enough in order to continue to be granted

membership. Some have made this choice. Others have made other choices. One

thing to consider is what will bring the most peace? Not perfect peace, but

the most. What will allow one to truly live life? What will have mercy on the

dear, dear body? What kind of change of attitude will bring a person peace?

To me, it matters little what people choose to do as long as it is healthy

and does not hurt them or others. One of the markers we look for in those who

have made their choices and are strong in them, is they are at peace to the

largest degree and they are able to live much life in other areas.

For myself dear one, I prefer a choice that allows me a better balance

mentally and soulwise rather than more anxiety. (geesh, isn't the world

enough of a nervous wreck as it is?) I want to be able to be focussed on

myself, but definitely far, far more on the heart of the world. Right or

wrong, I feel God has given me this one little gift of 'sight' to use while I

am here, and that it ought not be squandered on too much self-focus. A little

bit of self-focus when useful and certainly as needed. But not one of the Top

Four of my whole life. (In case anyone's wondering-- God, health, family,

creative life. This translates into trying to know God every day in some way

(and being able to a lot, but mostly seeing God in other people.... I am

still working on it--grin), trying to do the right things to have mercy on my

precious one wild and wise body (doing okay most days), cleaving to my family

and helping and striving to love them just as they are (doing okay on most

days...was really tested caring for my elderly father, but love is very

elastic thank God), and trying to unleash my one gift into the world through

social justice work and post-truama work(doing ok most days)) (wearing black

leather--uh, with SPANDEX, is about ten or eleven on the list--grin)

You know I have had extreme health issues and these have taught me that the

body is to be cherished, that it is like a chld and cannot help itself. For

me personally, and I only speak for nyself, for me to put pressure on it to

be a certain weight, size or shape, on top of everything else, I would have

to agree to torment it, moinitor it like a cotrol-freak jealous lover. That

would be, to my way of thinking, just downright cruel and unjust toward my

poor and fragile body that has done everything it can to carry me this far

with whatever I have been able to give it. If anything for what I have asked

of it and done to it over the years out of ignorance and impatience, I owe it

much kindness and as much nourishment and strength and comfort as I can give

it. (40 reps, ten pound weights, twice a day, upper arm skin flying like

wings--but I am strong!)

You hang in there and know YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL and THIS IS WHAT shines

through THE BODY. If prime sexuality is anything, it is THAT. Each body is

different and that is A-ok. People all over the world carve, tattoo, shape,

squeeze, munch, press, cut, color and do all kinds of other things to the

body as decoration. You can do as you like and as you are called. Just be

merciful with whatever your choice is, and know that greatest heart and

content soul can be yours if your choice is also wise--no matter what you

choose.

this comes with much love and peace for you

ceep G-MOM