Guest guest Posted October 23, 2002 Report Share Posted October 23, 2002 I need to come clean to about what's been going on with me, food wise. I'm hoping that, as in the past, posting here to friends who understand will help get me back on track: My mother died 30 days ago. We were very, very close and it was very sudden (we only had 24 hours with her after diagnosis). At the same time, my father is very sick, withering away in a nursing home, in and out of the hospital. I have been numb. For the first two weeks, despite a non-stop deli food, cookies and cakes sent to the house, I could hardly eat, and lost a few pounds. But then, my usual coping patters emerged - I've been eating non-stop, bingeing, sneaking food. I've been in awe of how much I can eat at one time (two bagels!!). Yesterday, I almost threw up at work. Traditionally, eating like this is my way comforting myself, of feeling in control in an overwhelming situation. I miss my mother so much. We're a very close family, and we spoke twice a day. She was so happy and proud of my weight lose, and even though she was petite (she shrunk from 5'2 " to barely 4'9 " as she aged), for the past year we were wearing the same size clothes, and she loved that. So, I don't want to gain weight, for me and for her. Today, I'm taking off from work, and will make my first trip to the cemetery. I'm hoping that will give me some peace, and that I can symbolically put an end to this first 30 days of mourning and get myself together and back to eating healthy and taking care of myself. There, I've said it. That's my plan for today. I needed to put it in writing. Somehow, if feels like more of a commitment this way. Helene RNY 12/22/99 350/170/who knows??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.