RE : (MSA) : I NEED HUGS!!

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone!

I feel as if I have disconnected from everyone! I have been reading the post trying to catch up. I thought things were turning around but like they always say--It always gets worse before it gets better! My prayers have been with you all, but I need some hugs and prayers! I feel as if well don't get me wrong- I Love my mama more than anything (other than my kids) but have you ever felt like Oh god here we go again--like dreading the day ahead! That sounds so terrible I can't believe I said that(typed). My step-dad is getting worse and worse-He asked me things like how can we keep mama from getting infections(UTI), or like the Hospital bed is better well things like that! But damn he doesn't even keep the charts and daily notetations anymore or even helps me with making sure (on a day that I may be there 1/2 day) that she is cathed 4 x a day! My sister??????????HA!!!!!!!!! Bad as ever-fixing up house and landscaping more and more but picking the things she likes and not even consulting w/ mama. It is suppose to be all about my mama right now but my step-dad always sides w/ my sister (as usual) and everything revolves around my sister-(which by the way we don't even speak or cross paths anymore-some family huh! My mama has no life anymore but like some of you said it is been way too long and she needs to have the say so and put a stop to things! Then I feel so guilty and bad for her like no one knows how she feels and she cannot stand up for herself! Like when the Hospital Bed came I worked all day long to fix the bedroom how mama wanted it and she came in went crazy and took the other bed apart and threw it outside! What a real ungrateful bitch----but so is he!!!!!!!!!!!! Mama told her 3 times along with me to leave it how it was but no- she really thinks that it is her house now and she is just riding the waves til mama is gone! (step-dad as well) People are so cruel and unfair to the point of sickness! I am going back to Doc on Thursday have some lab work done and a check-up! I just got over a UTI not long ago and also terrible sinus infection w/ earaches(eardrums are bowed out!) and bloddy nose and now it feels as if it is all back 2 x as worse! God forgive me for feeling this way right now! My mama and me are so close but I am feeling these awful feelings about my days! My husband and our kids are going to the beach June 1 and coming back on the 5th. My step-dad actually took a little time off so we could go! Free condo- just have to pay for food! That helps when you have two hungry 11 yr old boys, 9 yr old daughter, and also a 6 yr old daughter! If it wasn't for that the closest I would come to a beach would be the litter box(sand) water bowl, and a CD that plays ocean noise w/ supposable relaxation music! I just wanted to let everyone know I am back and wheeew thanks for letting me vent so much-it helps but like Annette,Vera,Barb, and others have said I wait until I have too much on me before I let it out! You all are great! I hope the day will come when I can get to meet everyone (in person) and Pam I would like to get more involved helping others I would really like to start a support group but maybe I need to chill for a little bit on that! I am long overdue a break but it breaks my heart to be away from my mama knowing what she will endure when I am not there!

Love to you All!!!!!!!!

Amy DeBusk

Winston-Salem

North Carolina (336)788-6110