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[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone (I feel like I'm standing up in an auditorium, before

millions of people!)

By the way, this is kind of long but I promise, especially towards

the end, I'd like to hear your opinion/experience on something!

I really appreciate your replies. Monday, I really thought I was

going to go home, cry, and sleep for two thousand years.

Fortunately, once I get aggravated by someone at work, my boiling

blood keeps me awake.

I had a VBG done in 4/99. For the past year, I've had some

difficulty eating the food I was eating. I don't know if this is

emotional or if this has anything to do with my physical being. I

have been vomiting more over the past year than I ever did the

previous two years. The weight I seem to be gaining back is kind of

weird - my abdomen looks really blown out. Does that make sense to

anyone? Anyway, thanks to this one chick who emailed me, I decided

to call a nurse that I had dealt with when I originally went through

Bariatric treatment at St. s Hospital here in Indiana. I had

forgotten how sweet and nice she is. She's working to get me in for

a scope and possibly an upper GI. She said I could be clogged up

(which accounts for why I'm having a hard time digesting foods I had

no problem with two years ago) AND she said that I may have stretched

my pouched (it could be irritated and inflamed AND she said that the

staple line may have an issue.

Although I'm certainly NOT praying for anything physically to be

wrong with me, I have to tell you that I almost cried with relief

when her first reaction with me was that what I was experiencing

wasn't trivial. I know - if any of my friends had reached out to me

with a problem, I would never consider it trivial but you

know....when it's yourself....It's ALWAYS different .

I also took a step and received permission to go see a therapist for

an initial 6 sessions. I think I realized that I am only human and

that I can only take so much. WHEW!

And last, but not least, I would really like to hear/read discussion

around something.

When I first went through the pre-stuff for my bariatric surgery, I

didn't really bond with anyone. We had classes and stuff and I even

joined some of the onelist (now yahoo) groups. I just found that I

had little in common with the people who were active participaters in

the group.

After my surgery, the hospital had these support group sessions that

I went to. Those sessions were tough for me because a large number

of the people seemed to be " obssessed " about sex. Now, hey, I LOVE

sex, but for me, sex isn't the world. I think healthy discussion

about it is great. What they were doing was a shade left of

distasteful. And I'm no prude . After about 6 meetings with the

group dynamics like that, I just stopped going. I did mention it to

the woman who ran the group and she did say that she received

complaints about this. Unfortunately, I didn't stick around to see

if she was able to change things.

Outside of my husband and 3 other people, no one else knew about my

surgery. Can I be honest? I was embarrassed. I thought that if

others knew that I had to have this surgery that they would see me as

a failure. And if I did happen to " fail " , at least they would think

that what I tried was a " diet " .

The two people (third is my husband) are individuals that I see every

couple of months. I just feel like their eyes boor into the side of

me, wondering why with this " magical " surgery, I'm gaining weight. I

never said it was magical, but we all know that many people perceive

it to be.

So I guess, I'd like to know - are some of you in this boat? Where

you didn't tell hardly anyone? How are you dealing with all of that?

Honestly, I HATE HATE HATE going out to eat with people and

unfortunately, it's a necessity in my job. I hate feeling like I'm

going to get questioned about my small orders (which I do, and then I

hate lying about it).

Would definitely appreciate thoughts on how all of you have handled

this - especially after the " honeymoon " of the loss is over.

Thanks for letting me ramble. a