RE: Re: MOTHER

[Guest guest]

As the mother of a 32-month old, I'm listening to this conversation and

taking it to heart (I'm not that young; my first baby is 18 but I didn't

raise him; I'm 35). I need to learn this useful stuff from you guys

because I don't have much experience of an adult relationship with my

mother; she died right after my 21st birthday when lung cancer killed

her after 30 years of smoking. My mother is the one that made me fat, in

more than one way; genetically, her side of the family is huge (many 400

pounders, including some now considering WLS), she used food as

medicine, love substitute, and reward, and she was forever telling me

how fat I was, even when I was 125 pounds and wearing a size 10 petite.

Of course, *I* lifted the fork but she really set the stage and passed

on the mental disease of incorrect relationships with food.

Joanne and I are very close and I hope it stays that way. I know we will

have our rocky phases (we've already had a few LOL) but at least I know

her early relationship with food is good... instead of being coaxed to

drink the last little bit of formula like I was, she was breastfed until

25 months, and when she started solids at 9.5 months, I started with the

" eat only when you're hungry " and " eat the foods your body needs "

conversations. She'll see my food struggles, because they haven't ended,

but hopefully, she will not be poisoned by them. And she's got fatness

in her genes from both sides of my family, but her father's genes are

pure skinniness... Fat in his family is really rare. Since my WLS, my

house has gotten much healthier too... No soda, not much junk, healthier

snacks. All of those things are going to help.

All that said, I have had to fix my Dad's wagon a few times. He used to

always talk about how fat I was; it was one of the first things he would

say to me each time he'd see me, " Hmmm, it looks like you've gained some

more weight. Are you doing anything about that? " I finally had to say,

" Thanks for your concern, Dad, but we're never talking about this again.

If you bring it up again, I'm going to leave " . I only had to leave once

(thankfully, when I still lived in the same city as him) to make my

point. And I've had to exercise that strategy with one other issue, too,

but doing so has completely changed our relationship to one that's on an

adult-adult footing. Now we talk about my weight again, since I brought

it up with the WLS, and he's been positive all the way, including about

plastic surgery. I feel glad to have him in my corner, but it's taken

some growing on both sides to get there.

Moseley

Open RNY 09/17/01

310/135/125

http://www.ziobro.us

Re: MOTHER

Your mom no doubt thinks she is " loving you " Judy, but she makes the

mistake

of not SEEING you, and therefore is likely really deep in the dark about

what

you truly wish you had from her, her beautiful red-headed fiesty

daughter. If

there is one mistake mothers--too many of them make for life-- it is to

keep

on harping with the self-improvment exhortations. It is like being stuck

in

first gear. What was appropriate for when children are young is no

longer

appropo for adult children.