Re: MOTHER

[Guest guest]

Your mom no doubt thinks she is " loving you " Judy, but she makes the mistake

of not SEEING you, and therefore is likely really deep in the dark about what

you truly wish you had from her, her beautiful red-headed fiesty daughter. If

there is one mistake mothers--too many of them make for life-- it is to keep

on harping with the self-improvment exhortations. It is like being stuck in

first gear. What was appropriate for when children are young is no longer

appropo for adult children. Then it is no longer time to be guard dog. But,

most mothers I have met who act in troublesome ways toward their grown

children did not have a clue about what to do instead. Sometimes Judy it has

to do with the mother not knowing how she can find/have an identity if she is

not always trying to 'improve' her offspring. She truly cannot figure it out

by herself. Without all the unsolicited advice, or the 'disapproving but

silent treattment,' she does not know what her value is. It is weird becuase

really what the children are wanting is not an expert, just love.

It is not at all about how you are or what number you were born. it is about

a mother stuck in first gear. I wish she weren't. You are a heck of a girl.

love,

ceep

<< OOOOOH, do you KNOW my mother???????? She would never

impose herself physically in our lives, always worried

about getting in our way. But she has no problem with

" if I do this thing for you, then I expect you to ...

quit smoking, etc. " whatever my problem of the moment

is that she thinks I should fix. She's a master at

control and never been a real touchy feely kind of

person. I continue to try to seek her approval

looking for that in her that she is not capable of.

Vicious cycle between daughter and mother. As much

credit as she gives me for my accomplishments, in some

ways I'm still her problem middle child.

>>