what to say to Nosy s, and Meddling during Muffins ?

[Guest guest]

<< The first few weeks....ok, I'll

answer...but now can't we talk about something else? ....there is more to

" me " than my WLS, ... I don't want to

be rude or embarrass her, but I don't care to continue to satisfy her

curiosity at every meeting. KC >>

Dear KC and ALL: You did a good job detailing this. We have all had situs

similar to this— if not about GB, then about other matters that we once

shared a lot about with regard to our private lives. For me and my family, a

central one is the death of our firstborn grandchild six years ago this week.

I just cannot talk about it any longer in the way I once did. Now, I can only

talk about these matters to those who have great need, but I cannot any

longer tell/speak/listen to anyone who is just curious about how a family is

slammed into hell and tries to return and tries to live again.

Just my two cents worth re your situ, but it is my deepest intelligence that

most people would never want to embarrass another soul intentionally. Weird

or intrusive behavior is probably not malicious or pre-meditated curiousity

most of the time, just unconscious. (But it can disturb, hurt, insult, etc.,

nevertheless) Lots of people everyday just sort of natter along, " trolling "

for " news " and " tidbits " that are sort of interesting; they are just trying

to energize themselves. (But, you don't have to feed the animals just cause

you have muffins! (grin))

Still just my two cents worth since I see that you know the situ the best and

know what will help the best, but if it were my situ, I would just have a

private 30 second chat with the lady in question, and say just the wise words

you said above: , you know, I am putting a moratorium on my own talking about

my weight, food, etc. I just thought I would mention this to you in advance

so you are not surprised at the meeting when I decline to talk about these

matters for the foreseeable future. And hey, by the way How about dem Bears?

(or Cards, or Niks, or, or, or)

A reasonable person will thank you for taking them into account *beforehand,*

and not embarrassing them in public, and be understanding, and not pry

further. Sometimes when you tell them your plan, they will tell you what

their REAL agenda has been in asking your all these questions for so

long--likely something they ar greatly worried about having to do with

themselves or someone they care for.

If this person continues to act unconsciusly, or continues to try to pry,

then you have to take the next step. This next step depends on how

creative/p.o.-ed/ supercillious, you decide to be. But my experience both in

the business world and clinically, is that people appreciate being told

things like this privately. The point is even though they may be running

rough-shod over someone else's privacy today, you try not to do the same to

them.

One of the things I am clear about on most days, is that most people, most of

the time, are just passing time, and do not mean to aggrivate or irritate

anyone. When we have a snoot full of them, it is usually not just becuase

they are the way they are, but mostly becuase we have not taken care of

business to lay down boundaries with them sooner. I have to remind myself of

this almost daily.

Now about those muffins, now what kind are they??Yum, yum, muffins.....

ceep still needing to go have breakfast but had to write this all down

first./.

love,

ceep G-MOM