Acceptance

[Guest guest]

I have been thinking about accepting where I am today and wondering

if I should quit trying to beat myself for not getting to a " goal " wt.

I have been fluctuating between 191 and 198 on docs scale for the

past 4-6 months. When I went to see my surgeon in August, he said I

probably was where I was going to be and not to gain.

A friend of mine went to see her surgeon on Friday (she is 3 weeks

behind me and weights 199 on doc scale with a total loss of 148lbs),

and she asked doc how much more she could expect to lose. He

said " honestly?, probably another 5-6lbs " . He asked her if she was

happy with what she was doing and she said yes. He said if she

really wanted to try and diet she could probably get down another

20lbs or so.

So, this got me to thinking. I already exercise everyday. I walk

for 60 minutes at a pretty good pace 3.5-4mph every other day and on

opposite days do aerobic tapes with wt training 45-60 min. I drink 2-

3 protein shakes per day and 2 meals with occasional snacks that

sometimes lead to grazing. Granted I could/should give up grazing

snack or at least sit down to eat them, but anyway, I am happy with

where I am at.

Therefore, why should I keep beating myself up and trying to lose

more wt and accept that this may be it and stop the head insanity. I

had rejoined TOPS in August and am back to doing what I used to do;

not eat the day of weigh in, drinking very little, making sure my

clothes don't weigh too much, not weighing in if I know I have gained

etc. Didn't I have surgery to get away from that and not get

backinto the diet mentality.

Sorry so long, but am interested in others input. Thanks.

Vicki in IA

VBG 6-97 364/212

RNY 6-29-01 295/191

Hernia/tt 11-19-02

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/3/02 9:54:29 AM Pacific Standard Time, gmivli@...

writes:

> Therefore, why should I keep beating myself up and trying to lose

> more wt and accept that this may be it and stop the head insanity....Didn't

> I have surgery to get away from that and not get back into the diet

> mentality.

>

As the original food addict in this whole series of posts, I wanted to

respond to your comments - having said them to myself many times over the

last few months.

I walk a fine line between your exact thoughts, and remembering the feeling

of having settled for being morbidly obese. I couldn't maintain a weight

loss, so I accepted my obesity. I have always been pretty comfortable with

my body size, but was always aware that I was settling for obesity because I

had no other options.

In my struggle to lose a bit more weight, I need to be cognizant of not

beating myself up vs. settling because I am not willing to make the effort to

get what I want. I had surgery to get away from the diet mentality - but I

was fooling myself. I didn't want a damned tool, I wanted a miracle gift

that would allow me to indulge my food addiction and lose weight. There is

nothing inherently wrong with being in control of my food. It is not a bad

thing to deny myself sugary treats at every meal. If that way of thinking

means a diet mentality, then a diet mentality is a good thing.

I am neurotic as hell about so many things. When my neuroses get in the way

of my day to day enjoyment of life, when they become more trouble than

benefit, then I deal with them. Food is kind of that way. I only had weight

loss surgery after I had tried everything else. I will only settle for not

making my personal goal when I know I have done everything I could do to get

there. I will not settle for less when I know that I may be eating more than

my body needs, or not giving it the activity I know it would benefit from.

When all of those conditions have been met, when I feel I have given it a

fair shake, then (and only then) will Iet this neurosis go and move on to one

more profitable.

Kate

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/3/02 9:54:29 AM Pacific Standard Time, gmivli@...

writes:

> Therefore, why should I keep beating myself up and trying to lose

> more wt and accept that this may be it and stop the head insanity....Didn't

> I have surgery to get away from that and not get back into the diet

> mentality.

>

As the original food addict in this whole series of posts, I wanted to

respond to your comments - having said them to myself many times over the

last few months.

I walk a fine line between your exact thoughts, and remembering the feeling

of having settled for being morbidly obese. I couldn't maintain a weight

loss, so I accepted my obesity. I have always been pretty comfortable with

my body size, but was always aware that I was settling for obesity because I

had no other options.

In my struggle to lose a bit more weight, I need to be cognizant of not

beating myself up vs. settling because I am not willing to make the effort to

get what I want. I had surgery to get away from the diet mentality - but I

was fooling myself. I didn't want a damned tool, I wanted a miracle gift

that would allow me to indulge my food addiction and lose weight. There is

nothing inherently wrong with being in control of my food. It is not a bad

thing to deny myself sugary treats at every meal. If that way of thinking

means a diet mentality, then a diet mentality is a good thing.

I am neurotic as hell about so many things. When my neuroses get in the way

of my day to day enjoyment of life, when they become more trouble than

benefit, then I deal with them. Food is kind of that way. I only had weight

loss surgery after I had tried everything else. I will only settle for not

making my personal goal when I know I have done everything I could do to get

there. I will not settle for less when I know that I may be eating more than

my body needs, or not giving it the activity I know it would benefit from.

When all of those conditions have been met, when I feel I have given it a

fair shake, then (and only then) will Iet this neurosis go and move on to one

more profitable.

Kate

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/3/02 9:54:29 AM Pacific Standard Time, gmivli@...

writes:

> Therefore, why should I keep beating myself up and trying to lose

> more wt and accept that this may be it and stop the head insanity....Didn't

> I have surgery to get away from that and not get back into the diet

> mentality.

>

As the original food addict in this whole series of posts, I wanted to

respond to your comments - having said them to myself many times over the

last few months.

I walk a fine line between your exact thoughts, and remembering the feeling

of having settled for being morbidly obese. I couldn't maintain a weight

loss, so I accepted my obesity. I have always been pretty comfortable with

my body size, but was always aware that I was settling for obesity because I

had no other options.

In my struggle to lose a bit more weight, I need to be cognizant of not

beating myself up vs. settling because I am not willing to make the effort to

get what I want. I had surgery to get away from the diet mentality - but I

was fooling myself. I didn't want a damned tool, I wanted a miracle gift

that would allow me to indulge my food addiction and lose weight. There is

nothing inherently wrong with being in control of my food. It is not a bad

thing to deny myself sugary treats at every meal. If that way of thinking

means a diet mentality, then a diet mentality is a good thing.

I am neurotic as hell about so many things. When my neuroses get in the way

of my day to day enjoyment of life, when they become more trouble than

benefit, then I deal with them. Food is kind of that way. I only had weight

loss surgery after I had tried everything else. I will only settle for not

making my personal goal when I know I have done everything I could do to get

there. I will not settle for less when I know that I may be eating more than

my body needs, or not giving it the activity I know it would benefit from.

When all of those conditions have been met, when I feel I have given it a

fair shake, then (and only then) will Iet this neurosis go and move on to one

more profitable.

Kate

[Guest guest]

Kate: wise words. So many here are so articulate it humbles me. I am a

bookkeeper, and basically write thins short and to the point. I believe yours

is a talent and I commend you for making good use of yours. Thanks Fay

Bayuk

[Guest guest]

Kate: wise words. So many here are so articulate it humbles me. I am a

bookkeeper, and basically write thins short and to the point. I believe yours

is a talent and I commend you for making good use of yours. Thanks Fay

Bayuk

[Guest guest]

Kate: wise words. So many here are so articulate it humbles me. I am a

bookkeeper, and basically write thins short and to the point. I believe yours

is a talent and I commend you for making good use of yours. Thanks Fay

Bayuk

[Guest guest]

Acceptance

Hi everyone,

I have been going to Alcoholics/Narcotics Anomymous for 18 1/2 years

now and when I had my 16 year I was in the hospital. Those groups were

great when it came to living day to day and staying clean and sober.

Now, I am GREATFULL that this group is here because it make those days

that are really bad go just a bit better because you know what I am

going through... Thank so very much all of you for sharing on a daily basis.

It makes acceptance a little more easier. I hope that you will have a little

less pain today.

Walt

Tacoma,WA>>>

Hi Walt: I too have been in recovery for 19 1/2 years. Did the doctor tell

you you got CP from all that drinking in the past too? Even though my duct

was completely clogged and they had to put in a stent to drain in, he still

says it was from drinking. Who knows? Maybe it is. But kind of a hard pill

to swallow when I had taken care of myself so well for the past 19 years.

Have you had any problems taking the pain medications? It's been a struggle

for me, the guilt of the program has me thinking I shouldn't be taking them,

or I'm not sober any more. Any thoughts? Hope you are feeling well today.

Thanks.

Robin

Ocean City, land

[Guest guest]

Acceptance

Hi everyone,

I have been going to Alcoholics/Narcotics Anomymous for 18 1/2 years

now and when I had my 16 year I was in the hospital. Those groups were

great when it came to living day to day and staying clean and sober.

Now, I am GREATFULL that this group is here because it make those days

that are really bad go just a bit better because you know what I am

going through... Thank so very much all of you for sharing on a daily basis.

It makes acceptance a little more easier. I hope that you will have a little

less pain today.

Walt

Tacoma,WA>>>

Hi Walt: I too have been in recovery for 19 1/2 years. Did the doctor tell

you you got CP from all that drinking in the past too? Even though my duct

was completely clogged and they had to put in a stent to drain in, he still

says it was from drinking. Who knows? Maybe it is. But kind of a hard pill

to swallow when I had taken care of myself so well for the past 19 years.

Have you had any problems taking the pain medications? It's been a struggle

for me, the guilt of the program has me thinking I shouldn't be taking them,

or I'm not sober any more. Any thoughts? Hope you are feeling well today.

Thanks.

Robin

Ocean City, land

[Guest guest]

Acceptance

Hi everyone,

I have been going to Alcoholics/Narcotics Anomymous for 18 1/2 years

now and when I had my 16 year I was in the hospital. Those groups were

great when it came to living day to day and staying clean and sober.

Now, I am GREATFULL that this group is here because it make those days

that are really bad go just a bit better because you know what I am

going through... Thank so very much all of you for sharing on a daily basis.

It makes acceptance a little more easier. I hope that you will have a little

less pain today.

Walt

Tacoma,WA>>>

Hi Walt: I too have been in recovery for 19 1/2 years. Did the doctor tell

you you got CP from all that drinking in the past too? Even though my duct

was completely clogged and they had to put in a stent to drain in, he still

says it was from drinking. Who knows? Maybe it is. But kind of a hard pill

to swallow when I had taken care of myself so well for the past 19 years.

Have you had any problems taking the pain medications? It's been a struggle

for me, the guilt of the program has me thinking I shouldn't be taking them,

or I'm not sober any more. Any thoughts? Hope you are feeling well today.

Thanks.

Robin

Ocean City, land

[Guest guest]

: Thanks for your honesty and sharing. It is a constant fear of being

addicted to them, my husband keeps a close eye on me..I'm not to be trusted!

Fortunately my pain is at such a level that I can go for days without having

to take any pain medicine, it is an off and on thing for me. I hope your

transplant has brought you all the relief you need. You know we can't worry

about tomorrow...it's not here yet! (P.S. I didn't even know you could get a

transplant..I am learning so much!) Robin

Re: Acceptance

Robin and Walt,

I know what both of you are going through and yes I too go to AA/NA

meetings.. I am in an I.O.P. program after having to be Detoxed from all of

my pain meds after taking to many from building a tolerance from taking them

so long.. I am lucky though. I had the transplant surgery with Dr.

Sutherland and now I am feeling great. It's just dwaling with the fact that

I may never be able to take another pain pill for the rest of my life that

is haunting me. What I mean by that is I have to face everyday that if

something happens to me where I will need to be on pain meds that I will

have to be closely monerted by someone else and given my meds by someone

else because I have to face the reality that I am addicted to pain

medicine... I feel for the both of you and hope that you will not switch

addicitons... I tihink that it is important to share stories and feelings

with others and remember the moto. thanks for sharing and Keep going back to

your meetings b/c the only work if you keep coming back and let the program

work..

Rep/New Orleans La

PAI

[Guest guest]

Robin and Walt,

I know what both of you are going through and yes I too go to AA/NA

meetings.. I am in an I.O.P. program after having to be Detoxed from all of my

pain meds after taking to many from building a tolerance from taking them so

long.. I am lucky though. I had the transplant surgery with Dr. Sutherland and

now I am feeling great. It's just dwaling with the fact that I may never be able

to take another pain pill for the rest of my life that is haunting me. What I

mean by that is I have to face everyday that if something happens to me where I

will need to be on pain meds that I will have to be closely monerted by someone

else and given my meds by someone else because I have to face the reality that I

am addicted to pain medicine... I feel for the both of you and hope that you

will not switch addicitons... I tihink that it is important to share stories and

feelings with others and remember the moto. thanks for sharing and Keep going

back to your meetings b/c the only work if you keep coming back and let the

program work..

Rep/New Orleans La

PAI

[Guest guest]

Robin and Walt,

I know what both of you are going through and yes I too go to AA/NA

meetings.. I am in an I.O.P. program after having to be Detoxed from all of my

pain meds after taking to many from building a tolerance from taking them so

long.. I am lucky though. I had the transplant surgery with Dr. Sutherland and

now I am feeling great. It's just dwaling with the fact that I may never be able

to take another pain pill for the rest of my life that is haunting me. What I

mean by that is I have to face everyday that if something happens to me where I

will need to be on pain meds that I will have to be closely monerted by someone

else and given my meds by someone else because I have to face the reality that I

am addicted to pain medicine... I feel for the both of you and hope that you

will not switch addicitons... I tihink that it is important to share stories and

feelings with others and remember the moto. thanks for sharing and Keep going

back to your meetings b/c the only work if you keep coming back and let the

program work..

Rep/New Orleans La

PAI

[Guest guest]

My CP is from pancreas divisum. Yet, when I started out in the program

I never thought I was going be in this situation. Having to take the

necessary pain meds and other meds just to be able to go from day to

day. In Sept 2000, was my turning point having to go through the

surgery to remove a large choledochal cyst in my bilary tract, I had a

type I and my mother had a type III, and following months of taking

pain medication. It was not until around Oct. of 2002 that I started

to have symptoms of pancreatitis. Then I had the four ERCP's that

discovered the pancreas divisum. I have done some research and there

seem to be a connection between the cyst and divisum. Today I take the

necessary medications to have somewhat of a " normal " life, if there is

ever really such a thing. Thank you everyone for your response.

Walt

Tacoma, WA

> : Thanks for your honesty and sharing. It is a constant fear

of being

> addicted to them, my husband keeps a close eye on me..I'm not to be

trusted!

> Fortunately my pain is at such a level that I can go for days

without having

> to take any pain medicine, it is an off and on thing for me. I hope

your

> transplant has brought you all the relief you need. You know we

can't worry

> about tomorrow...it's not here yet! (P.S. I didn't even know you

could get a

> transplant..I am learning so much!) Robin

>

> Re: Acceptance

>

>

>

> Robin and Walt,

>

> I know what both of you are going through and yes I too go to

AA/NA

> meetings.. I am in an I.O.P. program after having to be Detoxed from

all of

> my pain meds after taking to many from building a tolerance from

taking them

> so long.. I am lucky though. I had the transplant surgery with Dr.

> Sutherland and now I am feeling great. It's just dwaling with the

fact that

> I may never be able to take another pain pill for the rest of my

life that

> is haunting me. What I mean by that is I have to face everyday that if

> something happens to me where I will need to be on pain meds that I will

> have to be closely monerted by someone else and given my meds by someone

> else because I have to face the reality that I am addicted to pain

> medicine... I feel for the both of you and hope that you will not switch

> addicitons... I tihink that it is important to share stories and

feelings

> with others and remember the moto. thanks for sharing and Keep going

back to

> your meetings b/c the only work if you keep coming back and let the

program

> work..

>

>

> Rep/New Orleans La

> PAI

[Guest guest]

Robin,

You know the first thing that we as addicts lose is Trust. I mean how in

the world can you trust a " junky " . We have to learn how to regain someone's

trust.It may be that your husband is worried to death about you and just doesn't

want to see you harm yourself anymore..

You are correct though!!! you cannot worrie about tommorrow b/c it's not

here yet... God that was the hardest thing for me to except.. I had to learn how

to crawl all over again if you know what I mean..

The kind of transplant I had just incase you haven't heard any of us talk

about it is a Islet cell transplant.. What they do is a complete pancreatectomy

and after Doctor Sutherland takes your pancrease he brings it to a lab and

removes all the Islet cell's and then he retransfuses all the cell's through

your portal vein and they go to your liver and your liver takes over the

endocrine function of your pancrease... It was fourteen and a half hours of

surgery... Like I said in my earlier email I am feeling wonderful though...

Good luck with the cycling and don't over do it... Remember also let go and

let god....

Rep/Greater New Orleans Area

Pancreatic Association International