Driving in Chicago

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  << BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN CHICAGO

        A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how

        many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as

        you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze

        their way back in before hitting the orange construction

        barrels.

        Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Chicago

        driver never uses them.

        Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance

        between you and the car in front of you, or the space will

        be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more

        dangerous situation.

        Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is

        considered " going with the flow. "

        The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller

        the chance you have of getting hit.

        Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive

        bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

        Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure

        that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage

        as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS,

        it's a chance to stretch your legs.

        Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately

        after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back

        up.

        The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to

        provide useful information. They are only there to make

        Chicago look high-tech and to distract you from seeing

        the police car parked in the median.

        Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's

        a good way to scare people entering the highway.

        Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions

        and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area.

        Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to

        speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Chicago driver

        flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go

        faster in your spot.

        Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an

        accident or even someone changing a tire.

        Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape,

        keeps the existing litter from getting lonely, and gives

        Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

        Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,

especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin         peeing on a

Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.         Learn to swerve abruptly. Chicago is the

home of         high-speed slalom driving thanks to the highway

department, which puts potholes in key locations to test         drivers'

reflexes and keep them on their toes.         It is traditional in Chicago

to

honk your horn at cars that         don't move the instant the light

changes.

        Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your         right

of

way.         Never take a green light at face value. Always look right

  and left before proceeding.         Remember that the goal of every

Chicago

driver is to get         there first, by whatever means necessary.

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