Aaargh! They just don't get it!!!

[Guest guest]

Ok, I need to vent.

Yesterday was a great day I hit my 130 pound loss mark, had a great

workout, spent some great quality time with the kids, got lots of

those pesky errands done, etc. I was pretty proud of myself by days

end...riding on one of those wonderful pink clouds.

After finishing reading with my girl, I just felt like I wanted to go

downstairs and give my hubby a big hug and kiss, I felt so good. No

sooner did I hit the landing than he hit me full face with a barrage

of accusations and put downs. " You spend too much time going to

support groups and exercising and not enough time doing laundry and

dishes. You don't have my priorities straight. blah blah blah blah "

until he escalated to screaming " you contribute zero to my life,

you're worth zero "

I was so stunned, I just stood there as tears started to trickle down

my face. He just doesn't get it.

My health IS my priority. Without it, I would be dead or, at best, a

lump who constantly said no to my children because I was too sedated

with food and alcohol and too damned fat to move and breathe at the

same time.

Our entire family has benefited from my newfound health, physically,

spiritually, and emotionally. The kid's schoolwork has

skyrocketed...both are now in GATE (gifted and talented education)

programs I think as a direct result of the time I spend with them on

their schoolwork, reading, scouts and sports. My isolation has ended

and I am now an active part of the communtity and my children are

learning to give back instead of just consume. Their little bodies

are strong from eating a more healthy diet. Even my fat Basset is

getting closer to svelte, and the cat now sleeps with me instead of

avoiding me!

OK so I didn't get the laundry folded yesterday. Big F deal. You

know, a little support would have been nice. It would have motivated

me to do even better. It would have let the love and pride of

accomplishment spill over into love for my hubby. But he shut me

down.

All I could think of is " where is this rage coming from? Why is he

so unreasonably upset over things which, in the scheme of things at

least in my mind, are trivial? Why isn't he looking at me and

feeling proud of me? "

You know this is hard. Pre wls I lost 70 pounds eating 1400 cal/day

plus 4x a week at the gym. I stabilized at 270 and could never get

lower. I used to read Shape and Self magazines while on the bike and

I loved to read the success stories. But when I read what they did

to lose the weight and keep it off, I was invariably discouraged. 1

hour aerobics 5 times a week/ spinning 4x a week/ weight lifting 45

min 4x a week/ running 5 miles 3x week. I'd think " I can't do that

much!! No way in hell!!! I'm killing myself doing one hour 4x week,

plus eating so little. I can not go the distance. " Well, I didn't.

I gave up and regained to 370.

Well now I'm 130 down to 240, unchartered territory for me. I eat

1000-1200 calories a day. I walk the dogs 1-1 1/2 hours EVERY day.

I do 15 minutes intense stretching, 30 minutes aerobics and 45

minutes of weight lifting to fatigue (the point where you can't lift

anymore, stinging sweat is dripping into your eyes, and your nose is

running all down your face!!!) 6x a week. I start every morning with

a 6 am meditation meeting to set my goals and get my head organized.

It is a lot of work and

I HAVE EARNED AND DESERVE MY SUCCESS!!!!!

You know what, I will not be sabotaged. I am dressed in my gym

clothes now and am going to take my kids to soccer, then the dogs on

a long walk with the kids, and then to the gym..He's in the room

sleeping from being out to 3 a.m. drinking beer and playing darts.

I love my life. I am not worth zero. I respect myself and have

newfound self-esteem. I am surrounded by people who are cheering me

on.

He can either talk to me about what's bothering him in a calm and

sane way, or he can figure it out himself, but either way...

I am going the distance.

Vicki A.