Guest guest Posted August 28, 2002 Report Share Posted August 28, 2002 I agree wholeheartedly. I have spent no little time scrutinizing old pictures of myself...My hubby is doing a family photo project and has unearthed some photos that I wasn't even aware were in existence. I am finally seeing through some healthier eyes what I actually " looked like " when I was in my twenties and thirties...and I was really one good looking chick! So very sad I could never see it. ALL I could see was the extra few pounds I carried...so that made me fat and ugly. I am an incest survivor, so being told what a horrible person I was all my life didn't help my self image...besides propagating that on for myself in later years. I always felt my sister was the " pretty one " ...until I came across this one picture of my sister and I when we were camping in Colorado...and our children were small. My hair was long and thick...I didn't have a stick of make-up on...and I was standing next to my sister...who has turned out to be the wicked witch of the north/west/east AND south! She was one of my abusers as a kid...being older...and in cahoots with my parents. I finally see with my real eyes....and I am not being egotistical in the least when I tell you that sad as it is...I was really very pretty, and I can't say the same for her. As the abused child, I sought psychiatric help, my sister never did, and stayed in her nasty little shell, and has gotten uglier over the years...I have recently had to extricate myself from the relationship as I realize she is the last vestige of the abuse..and I don't need it anymore. But it does make me angry when I see these pictures...and realize I wasn't fat... a tad overweight...but the thinking was that I was hopelessly obese..and there was nothing that could be done...I was constantly on a diet or another....until I reached the extremes of morbid obesity. My mother reinforced these feelings in me when I was an 8 year old...by praising my diet attempts...when I would starve myself...then had me at diet doctors at age 10 on diet pills and thyroid medication at age 12...which made it necessary for me to be on thyroid medication for the rest of my life. But, I will not waste another moment of my precious life being angry about it. I'm moving on...and being happy with what I now have...and that is a viable life..sad I missed so much...but I'm making the most of what I have left. Regards~ Jacque 5/30/00 308 BMI 50 8/28/02 130 BMI 21 > I'm writing this to rant. > > Tomorrow is my daughter's engagement party. She had bought a > most unsuitable dress, which she expected me to adjust. I > explained to her why I couldn't adjust it and she started looking > around the house for something else to wear. As a joke I pulled > out the dress I had worn as maid of honor to my brother's wedding > which took place in 1962. I remember being upset because I had > such a hard time finding something suitable because I was so " fat " . > Well my daughter who in my humble completely unbiased opinion > has a beautiful figure put the dress on and it fit her! She has > decided to wear the dress to the party tomorrow. > > What infuriates me is that I spent my life thinking and being told > how fat I was when I really wasn't. I wonder whether I would have > become morbidly obese if I hadn't always thought that I was so fat. > > Good luck > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2002 Report Share Posted August 29, 2002 Jacque That for sharing your story with us. I understand completely where you are coming from. My family did the same to me. Made me think that I was the fattest person on the planet and that my sisters were the pretty ones. As I look back now at old photos, I was a " little " overweight but not the gross human being that they all picked on. Just think what our lives might have been like if we had been told the truth. That we were beautiful human beings and gifts from God. Scary thought isn't it? Carol Richmond, VA Open RNY 10/31/97 >>> jacquemil@...> 08/29/02 01:06AM >>> I agree wholeheartedly. I have spent no little time scrutinizing old pictures of myself...My hubby is doing a family photo project and has unearthed some photos that I wasn't even aware were in existence. I am finally seeing through some healthier eyes what I actually " looked like " when I was in my twenties and thirties...and I was really one good looking chick! So very sad I could never see it. ALL I could see was the extra few pounds I carried...so that made me fat and ugly. I am an incest survivor, so being told what a horrible person I was all my life didn't help my self image...besides propagating that on for myself in later years. I always felt my sister was the " pretty one " ...until I came across this one picture of my sister and I when we were camping in Colorado...and our children were small. My hair was long and thick...I didn't have a stick of make-up on...and I was standing next to my sister...who has turned out to be the wicked witch of the north/west/east AND south! She was one of my abusers as a kid...being older...and in cahoots with my parents. I finally see with my real eyes....and I am not being egotistical in the least when I tell you that sad as it is...I was really very pretty, and I can't say the same for her. As the abused child, I sought psychiatric help, my sister never did, and stayed in her nasty little shell, and has gotten uglier over the years...I have recently had to extricate myself from the relationship as I realize she is the last vestige of the abuse..and I don't need it anymore. But it does make me angry when I see these pictures...and realize I wasn't fat... a tad overweight...but the thinking was that I was hopelessly obese..and there was nothing that could be done...I was constantly on a diet or another....until I reached the extremes of morbid obesity. My mother reinforced these feelings in me when I was an 8 year old...by praising my diet attempts...when I would starve myself...then had me at diet doctors at age 10 on diet pills and thyroid medication at age 12...which made it necessary for me to be on thyroid medication for the rest of my life. But, I will not waste another moment of my precious life being angry about it. I'm moving on...and being happy with what I now have...and that is a viable life..sad I missed so much...but I'm making the most of what I have left. Regards~ Jacque 5/30/00 308 BMI 50 8/28/02 130 BMI 21 > I'm writing this to rant. > > Tomorrow is my daughter's engagement party. She had bought a > most unsuitable dress, which she expected me to adjust. I > explained to her why I couldn't adjust it and she started looking > around the house for something else to wear. As a joke I pulled > out the dress I had worn as maid of honor to my brother's wedding > which took place in 1962. I remember being upset because I had > such a hard time finding something suitable because I was so " fat " . > Well my daughter who in my humble completely unbiased opinion > has a beautiful figure put the dress on and it fit her! She has > decided to wear the dress to the party tomorrow. > > What infuriates me is that I spent my life thinking and being told > how fat I was when I really wasn't. I wonder whether I would have > become morbidly obese if I hadn't always thought that I was so fat. > > Good luck > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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