Guest guest Posted April 21, 2002 Report Share Posted April 21, 2002 > NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN > By Dave Barry > > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping > pill and a laxative on the same night. > > 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why > the human race has not achieved, and never will > achieve, its full potential, that word would be > " meetings. " > > 3. There is a very fine line between " hobby " and > " mental illness. " > > 4. People who want to share their religious views with > you almost never want you to share yours with them. > > 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with > all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to > humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person > on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. > > 6. You should not confuse your career with your life. > 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to > take it too seriously. > > 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is > always one individual who perceives a solution and is > willing to take command. Very often, that individual > is > crazy. > > 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up > and dance. > > 10. Never lick a steak knife. > > 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. > > 12. The most destructive force in the universe is > gossip. (YUP!!) > > 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a > clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight > savings time. > > 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even > remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless > you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that > moment. > > 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting > other people to make a big deal about your birthday. > That time is age eleven. > > 16. The one thing that unites all human beings, > regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status > or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, > we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. > > 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized > protests is to annoy people who are not in them. > > 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the > waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. > Pay attention. It never fails.) > > 19. Your friends love you anyway. > > Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something > new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A > large group of professionals built the Titanic. > > ________________________________________________________________ GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO! Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less! Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit: http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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