Re: Belinda: getting needs met

[Guest guest]

I hope you don't think I am rude for reading your mail, but

you really made me feel good, reading about how to respond to a Doctor. A

lot of us have had the same or similar problems. What you did was

appropriate and shows some g--s. Congratulations on that point.

I'm afraid that the culture in this country is somewhat

similar towards girls and women and sometimes towards men, if they don't

measure up to the standards of the thugs and bullies in our society. Believe

me I have been surprised how often the pop up. I am often amazed when I hear

a woman who is putting up with a man who just lies about the place, sucking

on a tube (Bottle of beer), watching tele. and ignoring her needs. One of

our friends is like this, and when I quietly talked to her after she

initiated the subject, her response was " at least he doesn't bash me " . Isn't

that a wonderful criteria for selecting a companion. I thought I was a

reasonably normal male, now I'm wondering.

I don't particularly the type who is always trying to prove

that they are better than men, because they can't. They are so different so

male and female can't be compared in that way. We should all be prepared to

work together and if necessary, to take instruction from one another

regardles of sex. I think all women are wonderful, just for being what they

are and cannot help but treat them so, until I am forced to think

differently.

Regards Bill P

Belinda: getting needs met

> Belinda;

> Once you're told you have something terminal it would be ABNORMAL to not

> think of what dying would be like. Of course, most of our relatives and

> family will make it something that they'd rather not speak of (Ostrich

> syndrome), but we need to, and while we still can. I have put it in

> writing and instructed my kids on how I want to die. Stipulating at which

> point in time I no longer want the intrusion and pain of heroic life

saving

> measures. I'm a flower child of the sixties and to this day see nothing

> wrong with the responsible use of drugs to ease the pain of living. It is

> related to living, I do not believe death is painful, just the parts

> leading up to it. Pain killing drugs are humane, pain is damaging, I

don't

> want a buzz, I'd just like not to have the intrusion and life sucking

pain,

> because it makes me cranky, and tired and clouds the nice thoughts I'd

> rather be having. Talking about my fears and the decisions I need to make

> now are rarely possible with family and friends, that's where a therapist

> is a wonderful soothing prescence, someone who allows all your thoughts to

> expressed, that process makes it smaller manageable and aknowledged.

> Too often this North Amercian culture conditions women to be treated with

> less respect when it comes to suffering. For one thing girls here are

> supposed the make 'nice' be pleasant no matter what (encouraging you to

> suspend your feelings to please those of others), and perplexingly also be

> more demonstrative (hysterical) when it comes to emotions. This is a very

> counter-productive mindset. It conditions people to think nothing is very

> wrong with us when it is and requires us to emote only on queque (well,

not

> me, I'm Eurotrash). If you are sleepwalking and having blackouts (can't

> remember how I got there), you are most likely sleep deprived. Doctors

are

> very reluctant about sleep medication (could become

> dependant//addicted). Insist on getting some help getting sleep. Two

> years ago I walked into my therapist's office (he's an MD) and told him

> simply he could give me something so I could sleep or I would likely slit

> my wrists. Unlike the more subtler discussions with my GP etc. this got

> results. I've been taking sleeping pills since which work. I take no

> higher dose than two years ago, and yes, I am dependant, because I cannot

> function when sleep deprived (especially cognitively). I'm terminal for

> Pete's sake I don't think possible addiction is a worst case

> scenario. Since they expect drama, you may have to be dramatic, and

> insistent. Don't buy the anti-depressant bull either, those never did me

> any good, and have worse side-effect than the sleeping pills. If getting

> adequate, quality sleep does not improve your well-being, then perhaps you

> can ask a neuro to consider anti-convulsants (sleepwalking and seizures

can

> be one and the same). Don't make nice, tell them exactly what you want

and

> insist someone monitor your progress (it may take numerous

> adjustments). It is your body, your life and your death go for the 110%

of

> what is possible, that is dignity, quiet desperation is for wussies.

>

> When I was actively looking for my new physician, I prepared a handout of

> what I wanted from a GP, I knew he would work out because he accepted the

> whole list, here it is, maybe someone else can use it:

> 1. someone who truly believes I am ill and not feigning

> 2. someone who ccan take into account my history of dance, and training as

> dance therapist, counselling and practicing yogal since birth

> 3. someone who takes into account I took no prescription medications from

> age 22 until mid-thirties and only in dyer need

> 4. someone who takes into account that I tried and remain loyal to natural

> healing practices, when it is effective and low risk (early years with

> fatigue used Chinese herbal teas including the dreaded ko-buch-hah

mushroom

> which fermented in dark tea on top of my fridge for the two years years I

> was loyal to it)

> 5. someone willing to liaise with a rehab worker on my behalf (services

out

> of reach without a GP and a least a tentative diagnosis which supports

> needed resources, equipment and medical therapies not otherwise covered)

> 6. someone who will be sincere and direct

> 7. someone who will involve me and treat me as a person not a patient

> 8. someone willing to do follow-up and monitoring, not just crisis

management

> 9. someone willing to discuss with my therapist when there are doubt about

> my mental status or about the past four years since he was the one

> monitoring my symptoms and meds consistently

>

> Of course you'd have to change to suit your history etc. but you get the

> idea. Be clear what you need, and insistent. So far this is working very

> well for me.

>

>

> aletta mes

> vancouver, bc Canada

> web: http://aletta.0catch.com

>

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

> shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bill,

Please know that it is not rude to read all the posts. We all do that

is how we help each other. You have a lot ahead of you trying to

figure out what is wrong with you and getting a doctor to listen to

you and/or one who knows enough to help you. It isn't a good place to

be. I know I have been there and I am sure a lot of others in this

group has been there also whether they are the one that is sick or

the caregiver of the one who is sick. I pray for the people that I

have met here and for my own family. It is a lot to deal with on a

day to day basis. That is all we can do is take it one day at a time.

I am glad you like women but I think you were talking to Aletta reply

instead of mine but if you want to give me the credit who am I to

complain. Ok, Aletta I will give you the credit, you can stop

twisting my arm. WHEW! You have to watch out for some of the women in

here. hehe There is a lot of knowledge, love, compassion, caring, etc

in this group. I have never found so much of it in one group and I am

staying right here with them. (Ok, I know thanks for the warning!) I

always try to warn others about my sticking around so they know there

is no way they are going to get rid of me. I know you all love me so

much because I am a loving, caring, tenderhearted.... I guess I can

stop with that also. Man, am I full of it today. You are right though

I don't understand why anyone would stay with someone just because

they think they don't deserve better whether they be male or female.

So with this I want to say I am glad that you are a part of our

group. Welcome, sit back, take your shoes off, (whew,second thought

put them back on!) and stay awhile. You just never know what you

might learn here. I hope that you are able to come to our chat today

between 3 and 5. We would love to see you there!

God bless,

Belinda

> I hope you don't think I am rude for reading your

mail, but

> you really made me feel good, reading about how to respond to a

Doctor. A

> lot of us have had the same or similar problems. What you did was

> appropriate and shows some g--s. Congratulations on that point.

> I'm afraid that the culture in this country is

somewhat

> similar towards girls and women and sometimes towards men, if they

don't

> measure up to the standards of the thugs and bullies in our

society. Believe

> me I have been surprised how often the pop up. I am often amazed

when I hear

> a woman who is putting up with a man who just lies about the place,

sucking

> on a tube (Bottle of beer), watching tele. and ignoring her needs.

One of

> our friends is like this, and when I quietly talked to her after she

> initiated the subject, her response was " at least he doesn't bash

me " . Isn't

> that a wonderful criteria for selecting a companion. I thought I

was a

> reasonably normal male, now I'm wondering.

> I don't particularly the type who is always trying

to prove

> that they are better than men, because they can't. They are so

different so

> male and female can't be compared in that way. We should all be

prepared to

> work together and if necessary, to take instruction from one another

> regardles of sex. I think all women are wonderful, just for being

what they

> are and cannot help but treat them so, until I am forced to think

> differently.

> Regards Bill P

> Belinda: getting needs met

>

>

> > Belinda;

> > Once you're told you have something terminal it would be ABNORMAL

to not

> > think of what dying would be like. Of course, most of our

relatives and

> > family will make it something that they'd rather not speak of

(Ostrich

> > syndrome), but we need to, and while we still can. I have put it

in

> > writing and instructed my kids on how I want to die. Stipulating

at which

>

> > point in time I no longer want the intrusion and pain of heroic

life

> saving

> > measures. I'm a flower child of the sixties and to this day see

nothing

> > wrong with the responsible use of drugs to ease the pain of

living. It is

> > related to living, I do not believe death is painful, just the

parts

> > leading up to it. Pain killing drugs are humane, pain is

damaging, I

> don't

> > want a buzz, I'd just like not to have the intrusion and life

sucking

> pain,

> > because it makes me cranky, and tired and clouds the nice

thoughts I'd

> > rather be having. Talking about my fears and the decisions I

need to make

> > now are rarely possible with family and friends, that's where a

therapist

> > is a wonderful soothing prescence, someone who allows all your

thoughts to

> > expressed, that process makes it smaller manageable and

aknowledged.

> > Too often this North Amercian culture conditions women to be

treated with

> > less respect when it comes to suffering. For one thing girls

here are

> > supposed the make 'nice' be pleasant no matter what (encouraging

you to

> > suspend your feelings to please those of others), and

perplexingly also be

> > more demonstrative (hysterical) when it comes to emotions. This

is a very

> > counter-productive mindset. It conditions people to think

nothing is very

> > wrong with us when it is and requires us to emote only on queque

(well,

> not

> > me, I'm Eurotrash). If you are sleepwalking and having blackouts

(can't

> > remember how I got there), you are most likely sleep deprived.

Doctors

> are

> > very reluctant about sleep medication (could become

> > dependant//addicted). Insist on getting some help getting

sleep. Two

> > years ago I walked into my therapist's office (he's an MD) and

told him

> > simply he could give me something so I could sleep or I would

likely slit

> > my wrists. Unlike the more subtler discussions with my GP etc.

this got

> > results. I've been taking sleeping pills since which work. I

take no

> > higher dose than two years ago, and yes, I am dependant, because

I cannot

> > function when sleep deprived (especially cognitively). I'm

terminal for

> > Pete's sake I don't think possible addiction is a worst case

> > scenario. Since they expect drama, you may have to be dramatic,

and

> > insistent. Don't buy the anti-depressant bull either, those

never did me

> > any good, and have worse side-effect than the sleeping pills. If

getting

> > adequate, quality sleep does not improve your well-being, then

perhaps you

> > can ask a neuro to consider anti-convulsants (sleepwalking and

seizures

> can

> > be one and the same). Don't make nice, tell them exactly what

you want

> and

> > insist someone monitor your progress (it may take numerous

> > adjustments). It is your body, your life and your death go for

the 110%

> of

> > what is possible, that is dignity, quiet desperation is for

wussies.

> >

> > When I was actively looking for my new physician, I prepared a

handout of

> > what I wanted from a GP, I knew he would work out because he

accepted the

> > whole list, here it is, maybe someone else can use it:

> > 1. someone who truly believes I am ill and not feigning

> > 2. someone who ccan take into account my history of dance, and

training as

> > dance therapist, counselling and practicing yogal since birth

> > 3. someone who takes into account I took no prescription

medications from

> > age 22 until mid-thirties and only in dyer need

> > 4. someone who takes into account that I tried and remain loyal

to natural

> > healing practices, when it is effective and low risk (early years

with

> > fatigue used Chinese herbal teas including the dreaded ko-buch-hah

> mushroom

> > which fermented in dark tea on top of my fridge for the two years

years I

> > was loyal to it)

> > 5. someone willing to liaise with a rehab worker on my behalf

(services

> out

> > of reach without a GP and a least a tentative diagnosis which

supports

> > needed resources, equipment and medical therapies not otherwise

covered)

> > 6. someone who will be sincere and direct

> > 7. someone who will involve me and treat me as a person not a

patient

> > 8. someone willing to do follow-up and monitoring, not just crisis

> management

> > 9. someone willing to discuss with my therapist when there are

doubt about

> > my mental status or about the past four years since he was the one

> > monitoring my symptoms and meds consistently

> >

> > Of course you'd have to change to suit your history etc. but you

get the

> > idea. Be clear what you need, and insistent. So far this is

working very

> > well for me.

> >

> >

> > aletta mes

> > vancouver, bc Canada

> > web: http://aletta.0catch.com

> >

> >

> > If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> > unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

> >

> > shydrager-unsubscribe@y...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >