what to say to Nosy s ?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/18/02 11:26:35 PM, Graduate-OSSG writes:

<< So I said that I had lost a " great deal " of weight. She asked me

about 7 times in the course of the day, and each time, I answered vaguely.

Finally, she said, " you aren't going to tell me, are you? " to which I

replied " that's right! " I laughed, and changed the subject. You don't owe

anyone any personal information that you don't want to share.

Alice in NY >>

I'm with you Alice. There is so little in life that is truly within our

absolute control and privacy is one of the last partially left to us. Privacy

is a point of respect that decent folks honor without being reminded ten

times. For each soul it is their right to field intrusive questions as they

see fit. In many ways, how we reply is a self-respect issue— regardless of

whether the questioner is respectful or not— we can honor our own desire to

have a core self that is ours alone, as we wish.

I agree that if a person is MO and/or ill, as I was, I will tell them all I

know to help them AFTER I determine if its just abject curiousity that drives

them, or if there is a desperate will behind their questions. I would try

very hard not to ever turn away a soul in that kind of need.

With folks who are just looking for the latest diet regime, or just want

something to marvel over today to dilute their boredom, or who want something

to gossip about like a marble in a tin can, I just say I am no expert,

(truth) ,but I follow a plan that is customized (truth) for my diabetes

situation, (truth), and is quite narrow, (truth,),BUT that there is a helpful

book they can read, (truth), and I point them to one of several current ones

that give real information about glycemic indexes (true) and /or the value of

exercise (true) and etc.

Sometimes I reply that I am just in the experimental stage of this all

(true), and to ask me again in five years if my current plan holds. (true).

Sometimes I say when people ask me how much I have lost, I say " I gained a

life, let's leave it at that, " (true). Sometimes I say, " I gained a life and

that is immeasurable. " (true) Sometimes I say, " a small mountain. " (sort of

true) Sometimes I say " a whole person. " (definitely true) Sometimes I say " 12

dress sizes " (also true) and let them surmise. If they press I say I don't

know, I do not weigh myself (true). If they persist, I ask as kindly as I

can, " Are you concerned about something about your weight or that of someone

close to you? "

When people ask me HOW I lost weight, i say, " the hard way, (true) by being

sick as a dog (true) and by doing everything within my power to get well

(true)-- which I am still working on (true) for I am not yet completely

well. " (true)

There has been several times that men and women both have said ridiculous and

insulting things about my size, weight, looks, intelligence, etc., saying

things that are insulting to the heart and spirit of anyone, no matter who

the heck they think they are. Usually, I keep my knife in my boot and just

smile instead and tell them that if they continue with that line of

conversation they're going to get a BIG S.P.A.N.K.I.N.G from me tout suite.

(or however you spell that---grin).

I have been sorely tempted to say things back that are completely irrelevant,

like, " I just read recently that vaginal infections cause weight gain— have

you ever had either? " Or, " This sewer sludge and toilet water diet I have

been on is really unappetizing but the cadaver hormones my doctor shoots into

the veins between my toes really do work. " Or, " I was abducted by aliens who

were supposed to do anal probing, but for some reason on me they did

subcutaneous siphoning instead— do you think I should complain to the

intergallactic police that the product was inferior and did not match the

advertisment ? "

Okay, evil ceep made me write that last paragraph, that is also (true)...