I don't think you guys get it

[Guest guest]

Dawn commented:

> be FIT and live a few more years. If you are gaining weight rapidly and

> its not because of what your eating then see you surgeon ASAP. You know

> the most amazing thing to me is the fact diets don't work its a

> scientific fact, but yet look at US ALL we STILL have to diet don't

> we??! You know I am grateful that I am where I am now but damn this

> obsession over my weight has got to STOP.

Hmmmm....how do I communicate this? When I stopped losing weight (at 9

months, 111 lost, from 351 to 240) and held for over a year, my surgeon had

two reactions. He considered me a success because I had lost half my excess

weight and had maintained that loss for a year. When I continued (at my

next visit) to complain that I wasn't satisfied, and had been keeping a food

diary for over 3 months in anticipation, he reacted with veiled disbelief.

If I truly was eating what I recorded, and exercising as I said, I would

lose.

Deep sigh, I have been there before.

I went to my Primary Care Doc, same thing. Went off Depo-Provera, thinking

maybe that would help. Nope.

When I started to regain (now with a new primary care), her feeling was that

if I still am restricted on quanities (which I am) and still dump (which I

do), then again, I must be eating more than I write down and " just not

realize it " .

Went into therapy - again. Ended up hospitalized in April for a week in an

intensive treatment center. I did what they said (which was a trip from

hell, btw), and GAINED weight. They shrugged their shoulders and sent me

home.

This is NOT obsession with my weight. This is NOT about a little

bounceback.

This is about the fact that despite doing all that we are told to do our

weight has begun its slow and inevitable (it seems) climb back to our death.

At 351 I knew I didn't have long to live. I chose this surgery after 10

years of trying EVERYTHING else. I wanted to live.

And now, do you understand (and apparently I'm not alone, which is at the

same time heartening and terribly sad), I am on a forced march back to my

death. And I can't even see the demon that has the gun to my head, and no

one else apparently can see it either.

This isn't about my body image. I have climbed back over 260 lbs, I know,

because that is as high as my scale goes.

I quit going to the live support group here a long time ago, because they

didn't want to hear what I had to say - I was such a " downer " . And frankly,

I'm having a hard time now hearing about how people can eat all the junk and

still maintain and still lose.

I don't know what to say so you will understand. And I've had all the

helpful suggestions, I've tried EVERYTHING that people have suggested, and

it just doesn't matter.

If you would like us all to go away, we can start another group - a couple

of people have suggested that to me privately. But it IS real. WE are

real. Does that scare you? Imagine my terror, it's happening to me ;-(

dee