Kansas Tourism/My laugh for today

[Guest guest]

Subject: Kansas Tourism Notice

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when

Easterners and Californians cross the state of Kansas, the Kansas

Tourism Council has adopted a new policy. In an effort to help

outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following

notice will be handed to each person as they enter the State.

1. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive,

you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel

drive

because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

2. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

3. Go ahead and bring your $600 Roves Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a

flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those

little 13- inch trout you fish for...bait.

4. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

5. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making

their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't

have

it up to your ear at the time.

6. No, there's no " Vegetarian Special " on the menu. Order steak.

Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the

2 pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a

glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

7. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and

served over ice.

8. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.

We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a

year.

9. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop

when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

10. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.

So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

11. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and turtle. You really want

sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

12. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't

like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways--Interstate 35 goes the

other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

13. The " Opener " refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a

religious holiday held the closest Second Saturday of November.

You can get breakfast at the church.

14. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being

friendly.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards.

It spooks the fish.

16. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving

like an idiot...his name is " Sir " ... no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit and then drive safely home...

Sally in Kansas