Subject: observation;

[Guest guest]

Aletta:

So many times Fred has tolded me that his sorry that he had to wake me to turn him over or take him to the restroom or etc,etc, etc. I always tell him he has nothing to say his sorry for. It's not his fault that his ill. When I came across this that you wrote, I made sure that I read it to him . None of us has any reason to be sorry, we all are doing the best that we can.Thank you for saying it so well.

Hugs Vera

Subject: observation;

Maybe more pronounced in MSA'er and the like; to apologize for things not needing apology.

to doctors for 'wasting their time' on us

for imposing on our loved ones with an illness

for being sick

being unemployed

lacking energy

not pulling our weight

being sad

not being sad enough

not producing positives on medical tests

living longer than expected

not living long enough

offending people's sensibilities with symptoms

crying too much

not crying at all

And the care givers:

for not doing enough

for not being able to stop suffering and death

for feeling angry and cheated

for being tired and worn

not being there all the time

for being sad

for being happy

and so on...

Shame on those who make us feel this way, and shame on us for complying. My crutch in regards to this is a quote of Florence Nightingale, who died after 20 years bedridden with a mystery illness my supposed was malingering: "I neither give, nor take, excuses". We all get tired and cranky, its enough just to say we're tired and cranky, no apology necessary. If the intent of what we say is interpreted as offensive or hurtful, to say so is enough, no apology required. Apologies cut off discussion and paths to understanding, not very useful, or kind. So Brine, I'm yanking your chain, m'dear, havin' some fun on an otherwise dreary day - my God-concept is not so shaky I can't have a little fun about it. Look at us, you think god doesn't have a sense of humour?

aletta mes, vancouver, bc canada