thanks,

[Guest guest]

Laughter is powerful medicine, thanks for reminding me to take

some.

From my personal laugh file: - by Steve

What's another word for thesaurus?

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and

stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody

appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a

warning to others.

You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the

average man can see better than he can think.

Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's

easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, wouldn't

you be paranoid?

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you

feel happy to be on your way.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on

society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you

left them to where you can't find them.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere

near the place.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full

house and four people died.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy

them again.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in

the same room and let them fight it out.

I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything.

Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from

a woman in France who said " Cut it out! "

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song

on the radio, I think " Hey, maybe I wrote that. "

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything

specific.

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, " I'm home now,

but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. "

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got

there.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine .

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

My school colors were clear.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up

letter.

I'm taking La maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having

trouble breathing.

My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, " If you could know

how and when you were going to die, would you

want to know? " I said, " No. " She said, " Okay,

forget it. "

My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They

caught him because he was putting the

heads and tails on the wrong sides. He's in a minimum security prison

now; he's on a whiffle-ball and chain.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.

He said, " I want my daughter back by

8:15. " I said, " the middle of August? Cool! "

Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me

are furious.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers...

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around

singing " Happy Birthday " .

I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now

everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of

deer.

I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, " Why'd you run

that stop sign? " I said, " Because I don't believe

everything I read. "

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room

temperature.

Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

I was hitchhiking the other day, and a hearse stopped. I said,

" No thanks - I'm not going that far. "

I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lived next door

complained. So I shot him with a gun with a

silencer.

I'm a peripheral visionary.

I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O.

Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller

ballerinas?

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

I went to a restaurant that serves " breakfast at any time. "

So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me

if they can help me, and I say, " Have you got

anything I'd like? Then they ask me what size I need, and I say,

" Extra medium. "

While I was gone, someone stole everything in my apartment and

replaced it with an exact replica. When I

told my roommate, he said, " Do I know you? "

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means

it's going to be up all night.

aletta

mesvancouver,

bc Canada

web:

http://aletta.0catch.com