Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so badly. Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful for this chance. Meli, I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of life revolves around being fat. Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just downright terrible. We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond pathetic. How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the final decision ) and she says "it is not bad news". Well that's real nice but I want to hear "you are approved" that to me is good news. Well anyway I am rambling. But thanks for listening. Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so badly. Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful for this chance. Meli, I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of life revolves around being fat. Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just downright terrible. We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond pathetic. How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the final decision ) and she says "it is not bad news". Well that's real nice but I want to hear "you are approved" that to me is good news. Well anyway I am rambling. But thanks for listening. Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so badly. Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful for this chance. Meli, I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of life revolves around being fat. Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just downright terrible. We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond pathetic. How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the final decision ) and she says "it is not bad news". Well that's real nice but I want to hear "you are approved" that to me is good news. Well anyway I am rambling. But thanks for listening. Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Meli, I'm right there with you. With surgery only one more day away, I have all the jitters that you have spoken about. Those thoughts about if this is the right thing to do or not. Well, girl, if this isn't the right thing to do, I don't know what is! I have tried EVERYTHING known to man to get this weight off. I have resigned to the fact that I need help. This is just the help I need. Everyone thinks, and it appears that way too, that we do this for our family and loved ones. I think that's part truth. I mean, if we don't love ourselves enough to try and save our own lives, who will? Or who can? We have to do it for ourselves. Snap out of those down feelings. Be glad that you have this opportunity and focus on how you will feel next year. You are giving yourself the best gift-the gift of life. Happy Mother's Day!! to you and everyone on this list! God bless! Kathy Bazzi Dearborn, MI Patiently waiting....paid off Dr. Mustafa Hares surgery date May 15 8am 354 lbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Meli, I'm right there with you. With surgery only one more day away, I have all the jitters that you have spoken about. Those thoughts about if this is the right thing to do or not. Well, girl, if this isn't the right thing to do, I don't know what is! I have tried EVERYTHING known to man to get this weight off. I have resigned to the fact that I need help. This is just the help I need. Everyone thinks, and it appears that way too, that we do this for our family and loved ones. I think that's part truth. I mean, if we don't love ourselves enough to try and save our own lives, who will? Or who can? We have to do it for ourselves. Snap out of those down feelings. Be glad that you have this opportunity and focus on how you will feel next year. You are giving yourself the best gift-the gift of life. Happy Mother's Day!! to you and everyone on this list! God bless! Kathy Bazzi Dearborn, MI Patiently waiting....paid off Dr. Mustafa Hares surgery date May 15 8am 354 lbs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 .. I'm sure to the folks watching me exit, it appears as if the stall is giving birth!! ROFL, thanks needed that laugh Meli. Your words are a true comfort at this time, thanks so much. Your welcome and thanks as well for your supportYour news will be good, and we will all celebrate beside you. ((hugs)) Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 BMI 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 .. I'm sure to the folks watching me exit, it appears as if the stall is giving birth!! ROFL, thanks needed that laugh Meli. Your words are a true comfort at this time, thanks so much. Your welcome and thanks as well for your supportYour news will be good, and we will all celebrate beside you. ((hugs)) Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 BMI 50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 You did that to be there for someone-- all the while knowing how hard it would be to get up. Such a gift you gave to her. June 7th will be here very soon and you will start your journey toward being a normal weight as well as a kind person. May there always be someone sitting next to you when you are down and need support. Thanks , you know I didn't even look at it like that, thanks for the reminder. I only focused on how I couldn't get up, not even realizing that what I had done may have been a big help to her. As usual I am an emotional wreck right now and reading this has caused that water valve again, but it is good. Thanks for the love and concern. Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 You did that to be there for someone-- all the while knowing how hard it would be to get up. Such a gift you gave to her. June 7th will be here very soon and you will start your journey toward being a normal weight as well as a kind person. May there always be someone sitting next to you when you are down and need support. Thanks , you know I didn't even look at it like that, thanks for the reminder. I only focused on how I couldn't get up, not even realizing that what I had done may have been a big help to her. As usual I am an emotional wreck right now and reading this has caused that water valve again, but it is good. Thanks for the love and concern. Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 You did that to be there for someone-- all the while knowing how hard it would be to get up. Such a gift you gave to her. June 7th will be here very soon and you will start your journey toward being a normal weight as well as a kind person. May there always be someone sitting next to you when you are down and need support. Thanks , you know I didn't even look at it like that, thanks for the reminder. I only focused on how I couldn't get up, not even realizing that what I had done may have been a big help to her. As usual I am an emotional wreck right now and reading this has caused that water valve again, but it is good. Thanks for the love and concern. Kathy Dr. Elariny June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Dear Meli, I would love for you to put this date into your calendar for next year. I would so love to read your post then about how it feels to be nearly a year post op, to be able to fit in the toilet, wear small clothes, and go up and down the steps effortlessly. You may have to have a pad for your butt, however. No guarantee that sitting on those bones on wood benches won't hurt. What a wonderful gift of life you are giving yourself to share with your loved ones. And on the summer solstice, of course. The longest day of the year will forever be your annual celebration of life. How amazingly appropriate. Pre op fears are normal. Sort of like " bride's jitters " . In support, in Seattle DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 Dr Welker - OHSU Reminders of why > With my date getting closer by the minute I have had the normal > incidences of terror and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. > Last night my husband, kids and I went to the races, and although I > had a great time in general, I was reminded just how hard it is to be > super-sized in a regular sized world. > I can no longer zip the zipper in my size 28 jeans, so I have to > wear shirts that cover my open zipper. Climbing the bleachers was an > exercise in agony, and using the bathroom, now that's dang near > impossible! > The stalls are so compact anyway, and getting in then trying to > close the door is hard enough. But after you finish your business on > the toilets that seem to be only mere inches off the floor, you cant > get the door open without knocking yourself back onto the toilet! > The bleachers are miserably uncomfortable, probably even for a > normal person, but even with shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek > on a regular basis, my legs were cramped and numb. > I sat there and imagined myself there one year from now. I wish I > had a crystal ball and could know that everything will go just fine, > and that I'll still be there for my wonderful family. I believe in my > that I will, but I have such beautiful children and am married to the > love of my life, so I still worry. > Sometimes I feel a little guilty taking this kind of risk, and > spending so much money on myself (in all this will cost me about > $8000 total out of pocket). Ironically, it is them that I am mostly > doing this for. > Next year I will run up those bleachers, sit comfortably, and > gracefully glide in and out of those bathroom stalls. > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > badly. > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > for this chance. > Meli > BMI 47 > Dr Hess > June 21, 01 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Dear Meli, I would love for you to put this date into your calendar for next year. I would so love to read your post then about how it feels to be nearly a year post op, to be able to fit in the toilet, wear small clothes, and go up and down the steps effortlessly. You may have to have a pad for your butt, however. No guarantee that sitting on those bones on wood benches won't hurt. What a wonderful gift of life you are giving yourself to share with your loved ones. And on the summer solstice, of course. The longest day of the year will forever be your annual celebration of life. How amazingly appropriate. Pre op fears are normal. Sort of like " bride's jitters " . In support, in Seattle DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 Dr Welker - OHSU Reminders of why > With my date getting closer by the minute I have had the normal > incidences of terror and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. > Last night my husband, kids and I went to the races, and although I > had a great time in general, I was reminded just how hard it is to be > super-sized in a regular sized world. > I can no longer zip the zipper in my size 28 jeans, so I have to > wear shirts that cover my open zipper. Climbing the bleachers was an > exercise in agony, and using the bathroom, now that's dang near > impossible! > The stalls are so compact anyway, and getting in then trying to > close the door is hard enough. But after you finish your business on > the toilets that seem to be only mere inches off the floor, you cant > get the door open without knocking yourself back onto the toilet! > The bleachers are miserably uncomfortable, probably even for a > normal person, but even with shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek > on a regular basis, my legs were cramped and numb. > I sat there and imagined myself there one year from now. I wish I > had a crystal ball and could know that everything will go just fine, > and that I'll still be there for my wonderful family. I believe in my > that I will, but I have such beautiful children and am married to the > love of my life, so I still worry. > Sometimes I feel a little guilty taking this kind of risk, and > spending so much money on myself (in all this will cost me about > $8000 total out of pocket). Ironically, it is them that I am mostly > doing this for. > Next year I will run up those bleachers, sit comfortably, and > gracefully glide in and out of those bathroom stalls. > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > badly. > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > for this chance. > Meli > BMI 47 > Dr Hess > June 21, 01 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Dear Meli, I would love for you to put this date into your calendar for next year. I would so love to read your post then about how it feels to be nearly a year post op, to be able to fit in the toilet, wear small clothes, and go up and down the steps effortlessly. You may have to have a pad for your butt, however. No guarantee that sitting on those bones on wood benches won't hurt. What a wonderful gift of life you are giving yourself to share with your loved ones. And on the summer solstice, of course. The longest day of the year will forever be your annual celebration of life. How amazingly appropriate. Pre op fears are normal. Sort of like " bride's jitters " . In support, in Seattle DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 Dr Welker - OHSU Reminders of why > With my date getting closer by the minute I have had the normal > incidences of terror and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. > Last night my husband, kids and I went to the races, and although I > had a great time in general, I was reminded just how hard it is to be > super-sized in a regular sized world. > I can no longer zip the zipper in my size 28 jeans, so I have to > wear shirts that cover my open zipper. Climbing the bleachers was an > exercise in agony, and using the bathroom, now that's dang near > impossible! > The stalls are so compact anyway, and getting in then trying to > close the door is hard enough. But after you finish your business on > the toilets that seem to be only mere inches off the floor, you cant > get the door open without knocking yourself back onto the toilet! > The bleachers are miserably uncomfortable, probably even for a > normal person, but even with shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek > on a regular basis, my legs were cramped and numb. > I sat there and imagined myself there one year from now. I wish I > had a crystal ball and could know that everything will go just fine, > and that I'll still be there for my wonderful family. I believe in my > that I will, but I have such beautiful children and am married to the > love of my life, so I still worry. > Sometimes I feel a little guilty taking this kind of risk, and > spending so much money on myself (in all this will cost me about > $8000 total out of pocket). Ironically, it is them that I am mostly > doing this for. > Next year I will run up those bleachers, sit comfortably, and > gracefully glide in and out of those bathroom stalls. > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > badly. > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > for this chance. > Meli > BMI 47 > Dr Hess > June 21, 01 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Kathy, your post really made me smile, half in humor, half in true empathy. I too have ended up on all fours for various reasons, only to hope that no one notices the struggle I make in getting up. And those public toilets, geeze. I'm sure to the folks watching me exit, it appears as if the stall is giving birth!! Your words are a true comfort at this time, thanks so much. Your news will be good, and we will all celebrate beside you. ((hugs)) Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01 -- In duodenalswitch@y..., kathysyear2001@a... wrote: > In a message dated 5/13/2001 7:54:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > lionrampart1@y... writes: > > > > > > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > > badly. > > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > > for this chance. > > > > Meli, > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Kathy, your post really made me smile, half in humor, half in true empathy. I too have ended up on all fours for various reasons, only to hope that no one notices the struggle I make in getting up. And those public toilets, geeze. I'm sure to the folks watching me exit, it appears as if the stall is giving birth!! Your words are a true comfort at this time, thanks so much. Your news will be good, and we will all celebrate beside you. ((hugs)) Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01 -- In duodenalswitch@y..., kathysyear2001@a... wrote: > In a message dated 5/13/2001 7:54:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > lionrampart1@y... writes: > > > > > > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > > badly. > > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > > for this chance. > > > > Meli, > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Kathy, your post really made me smile, half in humor, half in true empathy. I too have ended up on all fours for various reasons, only to hope that no one notices the struggle I make in getting up. And those public toilets, geeze. I'm sure to the folks watching me exit, it appears as if the stall is giving birth!! Your words are a true comfort at this time, thanks so much. Your news will be good, and we will all celebrate beside you. ((hugs)) Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01 -- In duodenalswitch@y..., kathysyear2001@a... wrote: > In a message dated 5/13/2001 7:54:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > lionrampart1@y... writes: > > > > > > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > > badly. > > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > > for this chance. > > > > Meli, > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 MAry, Just where would this list be without your warmth and wisdom. As usual, you comfort and uplift, and just exactly at the time I need it. The summer solstice, indeed for me it will be the longest day of the year . But then, a new beginning. Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01- Summer solstice. > Dear Meli, > I would love for you to put this date into your calendar for next year. I > would so love to read your post then about how it feels to be nearly a year > post op, to be able to fit in the toilet, wear small clothes, and go up and > down the steps effortlessly. You may have to have a pad for your butt, > however. No guarantee that sitting on those bones on wood benches won't > hurt. > > What a wonderful gift of life you are giving yourself to share with your > loved ones. And on the summer solstice, of course. The longest day of the > year will forever be your annual celebration of life. How amazingly > appropriate. > > Pre op fears are normal. Sort of like " bride's jitters " . > > In support, > in Seattle > DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 > 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 > Dr Welker - OHSU > > Reminders of why > > > > With my date getting closer by the minute I have had the normal > > incidences of terror and wondering if I'm doing the right thing. > > Last night my husband, kids and I went to the races, and although I > > had a great time in general, I was reminded just how hard it is to be > > super-sized in a regular sized world. > > I can no longer zip the zipper in my size 28 jeans, so I have to > > wear shirts that cover my open zipper. Climbing the bleachers was an > > exercise in agony, and using the bathroom, now that's dang near > > impossible! > > The stalls are so compact anyway, and getting in then trying to > > close the door is hard enough. But after you finish your business on > > the toilets that seem to be only mere inches off the floor, you cant > > get the door open without knocking yourself back onto the toilet! > > The bleachers are miserably uncomfortable, probably even for a > > normal person, but even with shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek > > on a regular basis, my legs were cramped and numb. > > I sat there and imagined myself there one year from now. I wish I > > had a crystal ball and could know that everything will go just fine, > > and that I'll still be there for my wonderful family. I believe in my > > that I will, but I have such beautiful children and am married to the > > love of my life, so I still worry. > > Sometimes I feel a little guilty taking this kind of risk, and > > spending so much money on myself (in all this will cost me about > > $8000 total out of pocket). Ironically, it is them that I am mostly > > doing this for. > > Next year I will run up those bleachers, sit comfortably, and > > gracefully glide in and out of those bathroom stalls. > > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > > badly. > > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > > for this chance. > > Meli > > BMI 47 > > Dr Hess > > June 21, 01 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Kathy, I'll get down there on the ground beside you any time. We can help eachother back up. Now wouldn't that be a sight Beautifully pu, , BTW. Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01 Summer Solstice -- In duodenalswitch@y..., " Montgomery " wrote: > Kathy, > Oh yes, I know the feeling of being scrutinized and judged for my weight. Painful, isn't it. You exude kindness in your post-- a quality I have come to respect far above sophistication, thinness, and wealth. There comes a time when each of us needs someone to sit on the ground next to us. You did that to be there for someone-- all the while knowing how hard it would be to get up. Such a gift you gave to her. > > June 7th will be here very soon and you will start your journey toward being a normal weight as well as a kind person. > > May there always be someone sitting next to you when you are down and need support. > > in Seattle > DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 > 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 > Dr Welker - OHSU > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: kathysyear2001@a... > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Kathy, I'll get down there on the ground beside you any time. We can help eachother back up. Now wouldn't that be a sight Beautifully pu, , BTW. Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01 Summer Solstice -- In duodenalswitch@y..., " Montgomery " wrote: > Kathy, > Oh yes, I know the feeling of being scrutinized and judged for my weight. Painful, isn't it. You exude kindness in your post-- a quality I have come to respect far above sophistication, thinness, and wealth. There comes a time when each of us needs someone to sit on the ground next to us. You did that to be there for someone-- all the while knowing how hard it would be to get up. Such a gift you gave to her. > > June 7th will be here very soon and you will start your journey toward being a normal weight as well as a kind person. > > May there always be someone sitting next to you when you are down and need support. > > in Seattle > DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 > 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 > Dr Welker - OHSU > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: kathysyear2001@a... > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Kathy, I'll get down there on the ground beside you any time. We can help eachother back up. Now wouldn't that be a sight Beautifully pu, , BTW. Meli BMI 47 Dr Hess June 21, 01 Summer Solstice -- In duodenalswitch@y..., " Montgomery " wrote: > Kathy, > Oh yes, I know the feeling of being scrutinized and judged for my weight. Painful, isn't it. You exude kindness in your post-- a quality I have come to respect far above sophistication, thinness, and wealth. There comes a time when each of us needs someone to sit on the ground next to us. You did that to be there for someone-- all the while knowing how hard it would be to get up. Such a gift you gave to her. > > June 7th will be here very soon and you will start your journey toward being a normal weight as well as a kind person. > > May there always be someone sitting next to you when you are down and need support. > > in Seattle > DS 1/5/01 295# BMI 47.6 > 3/5/01 230# BMI 37.1 > Dr Welker - OHSU > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: kathysyear2001@a... > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Meli, I really identified with everything you said. I don't have much of a verbal response because I feel the exact same way and you said it all in a nut shell. I just feel like giving you a big hug. I feel your pain my sister!!!!! Carla nearly pre-op Dr. Rabkin - Consult June 27th, 2001 300 # & BMI 47 5 ft 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Meli, I really identified with everything you said. I don't have much of a verbal response because I feel the exact same way and you said it all in a nut shell. I just feel like giving you a big hug. I feel your pain my sister!!!!! Carla nearly pre-op Dr. Rabkin - Consult June 27th, 2001 300 # & BMI 47 5 ft 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Meli, I really identified with everything you said. I don't have much of a verbal response because I feel the exact same way and you said it all in a nut shell. I just feel like giving you a big hug. I feel your pain my sister!!!!! Carla nearly pre-op Dr. Rabkin - Consult June 27th, 2001 300 # & BMI 47 5 ft 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Your post reminds me of something that happened to me about a year ago. I tripped on the sidewalk and could not get up. This was across the street from a very upscale restaurant. It was about 7:00 PM so there were many people coming and going. I struggled to get up but was unable to. As I layed on the sidewalk I saw a window ledge a few feet further down the sidewalk. I could not crawl to it cuz my knees are in such bad shape that I cannot put my weight on them, so I had to roll down the side walk and then with much struggling I was able to grab onto the window ledge and pull myself up. At first I felt very humiliated but it did not last long. I left there feeling very angry that not one of the many people passing by offered me any help, not even bothering to ask if I needed help. They just pretended not to see me. It saddened me to think that there were so many people so willing to just turn there heads the other way. Shirley In duodenalswitch@y..., kathysyear2001@a... wrote: > In a message dated 5/13/2001 7:54:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > lionrampart1@y... writes: > > > > > > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > > badly. > > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > > for this chance. > > > > Meli, > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 13, 2001 Report Share Posted May 13, 2001 Your post reminds me of something that happened to me about a year ago. I tripped on the sidewalk and could not get up. This was across the street from a very upscale restaurant. It was about 7:00 PM so there were many people coming and going. I struggled to get up but was unable to. As I layed on the sidewalk I saw a window ledge a few feet further down the sidewalk. I could not crawl to it cuz my knees are in such bad shape that I cannot put my weight on them, so I had to roll down the side walk and then with much struggling I was able to grab onto the window ledge and pull myself up. At first I felt very humiliated but it did not last long. I left there feeling very angry that not one of the many people passing by offered me any help, not even bothering to ask if I needed help. They just pretended not to see me. It saddened me to think that there were so many people so willing to just turn there heads the other way. Shirley In duodenalswitch@y..., kathysyear2001@a... wrote: > In a message dated 5/13/2001 7:54:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > lionrampart1@y... writes: > > > > > > I just cant remember wanting a year of my life to be over with so > > badly. > > Just a little meloncholy this morning, but still so very grateful > > for this chance. > > > > Meli, > I can so so relate to this. I love the beach and wanted to go the other night > so my husband and I drove to VA beach after work for the evening. > And I was struck again with how awful it is to be 317 lbs and how much of > life revolves around being fat. > Walking any period of time is stenuous, crossing the street with cars full of > people makes me a nervous wreck wondering how many of those people in the car > are remarking of how huge I am. Your right the bathroom thing is just > downright terrible. > We had to walk about 5 blocks to find a public bathroom and when I did the > handicap stall was occupied and the other ones were so small. > It is totally humiliting that trying to get out of the bathroom you have to > almost sit on the toilet just to open the door. > Then my dh wanted to sit on the beach and that is nice but I can't hardly get > up from the couch let alone the ground. So of course he had to get me up. > > Last Saturday I was out front of our house, we live on a very busy road and > there was yet another accident, this time two people on a motorcycle collided > with a car and I went out and sat with the woman who was injured, well I got > down on the ground with her, but could not get up and I tried about 3 > different positions to try to get up and couldn't. It was so humiliating > because there were gobs of people around watching the accident. I had to ask > a lady standing next to me to help me up. That is pathetic and beyond > pathetic. > > How I long to be normal, I was so miserable after coming home from the beach > with myself. I can really relate Meli to wanting this year to be over more > than any other in my life. I still don't have 100% insurance approval and > have my second surgery date coming up. I talked to the woman this week and > she said that the dr's recommendation has been sent to her ( she makes the > final decision ) and she says " it is not bad news " . Well that's real nice but > I want to hear " you are approved " that to me is good news. > > Well anyway I am rambling. > But thanks for listening. > Kathy > Dr. Elariny > June 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.